I Could Learn To Miss You
by 7EmberRain7
Summary: Doesn't it mean it's over between two people when one thinks, "I'm tired of this."? Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie. Ryden/Rydon Rated M for language and brief sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Would you wake up already?" Ryan screamed into Brendon's ear.

"What?" Brendon rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Where are we?" he added finally realizing it was Ryan's flustered face hovering mere inches above his then rolled over on his stomach, shoving his face into his pillow.

Giving in, Ryan delivered one last shove before retreating. "We're in Texas remember? The concert's tomorrow night!" He yelled over his shoulder as he leapt down to exit the bunk room.

Brendon stretched and kicked off his blankets. He threw himself off the top bunk. "Houston. Got ya," he grunted as he stumbled into the living area/kitchen/dining room area located in the front end of the tour bus.

He slumped into the chair across the pull-down table from Ryan who was pouring extra soy milk into his half eaten Cornflakes.

"How can you stand to eat that shit? I bet it tastes like fart and sawdust." Brendon tousled his hair before resting his head in his hand and scowling into Ryan's bowl.

"I like it. You should eat something too," Ryan said, munching on a spoonful of cereal, too tired to argue. "Jon said he'd take us to a movie later."

"What kind of movie starts at six a.m.?" Brendon shouted, throwing his arm to point at the window, gesturing to the darkness still covering the city.

"You know Jon. He likes to see the first showing of the day. He wants to get there before the popcorn gets sta-"

Ryan's last words were interrupted by Spencer busting through the bus door. "It's about damn time you got up, princess!" Spencer yelled at Brendon before running up to ruffle his hair.

"Oh, shut up, Spence! I'll get ready right now! Unless you care to join me in the shower?" Brendon asked, offering his hand along with a sarcastic smirk.

"No thanks. I think I'll stay here and keep Ry company," Spencer said as he wrapped his arms around Ryan's shoulders causing Ryan to choke on his breakfast. Spencer chuckled and threw himself on the couch, leaving Ryan to his his cereal which was probably more suitable for a horse. Brendon scoffed out a laugh and made his way to the bathroom.

"So what are we going to see, anyway?" Ryan asked Spencer before slurping down the rest of his soy milk.

"Dunno. You'll have to ask Jon." Spencer shrugged and flipped on the television. "Speaking of Jon, where is the big lug?"

"He wasn't with you? You guys are always together," Ryan stated.

"Got 'em!" Jon screamed as the bus door was thrown open for a second time, causing it to bounce helplessly on it's weakening hinges. He began ran through the bus, fisting the air with four colored rectangular pieces of paper squeezed in his hand. "Four tickets to the 7:20 showing of 'Steel Magnolias' at the cruddy dollar cinema!" Jon exclaimed as he slapped hands with Spencer. He and Jon always had a thing for those sappy girly movies. They always ended the same; with Jon and Spencer crying in each other's arms.

"What? C'mon Jon! You _know_me and Bren don't like those stupid chick flicks!" Ryan chimed in, failing wipe the grin from Jon's face.

"You can just make out in the back row," Spencer said with a chuckle which Jon accompanied with kissing sounds causing the two to be hurled into fits of laughter.

"What's so funny?" Brendon asked as he strolled out the steaming bathroom with only his pants on. He was rubbing his sea green towel through his hair. "Did Jon get his hand stuck in the toaster again?"

Ryan's eyes lingered over Brendon's flattened core. The water droplets slid down past his navel and onto the waistband of his fitted black skinny jeans. Spencer quickly broke Ryan's stare when he jumped between the two.

"We happen to have four tickets to the amazing 'Steel Magnolias,' but He-Man, over here, thinks you two are too macho to sit through it," Spencer said, gesturing with his thumb in the space between Ryan and Brendon.

"I can't handle another crappy chick flick with you two blubbering pansies. I think me and Ryan will cruise around the city for the day. What do ya say, Ry?" Brendon looked to Ryan for an answer.

"Yeah! Sounds good!" Ryan beamed, trying to mask his excitement.

"Awesome. Let me just throw on a shirt," Brendon said with a grin as he turned toward his bunk to fetch a T-shirt.

"What are we supposed to do with two extra tickets?" Jon asked, his voice filled with dispair as if it were life or death.

"I don't know, Jon. Calm down, just call Pete and Patrick. I'm sure they're absolutely _dying_to see another chick flick with you two girls," Ryan said with an eye roll, his words dripping with sarcasm.

"Right! I'll just give Pete a call!" Jon said, pointing his index finger out toward Ryan, holding his hand out like a gun before digging into his pocket for his phone.

"Come on Ry!" Brendon yelled as he entered the room. He pulled the white T-shirt over his head. "We'd better go before they get all teary eyed on us," Brendon said with a string of mocking sobs.

"Have fun on your date!" Spencer blurted, trying to get the last word before the door slammed shut.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope whoever reading this doesn't think it's too horrible XD This is my first fic so go easy on me. Time for a disclaimer. You're welcome to just scroll on past this bit.<strong>

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS. THE CHARACTERS ARE REAL PEOPLE BUT I'M MAKING THEM MY MEAT PUPPETS AND MAKING THEM DO WHAT I WANT. I BELIEVE THESE SCENES TO BE TRUE BUT ANY SANE PERSON WILL TELL YOU QUITE THE OPPOSITE. FAKE! FAKE! FAKE! Blah, blah, blah. So on and so forth. I own the story, but that's it. Got it?

**Now that that's over with, I shall leave you a string of emoticons. :D :) XD -.- t(-.-t)  
>-Ember <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Brendon tossed the keys at Ryan, gesturing for him to was the only one with a car in the group, but he rarely ever drove it. He insisted on having his own vehicle driven behind the bus while on tour so he could have a bit of home with him. His parents had bought it for him as a graduation present. The poor Wrangler had been through enough in its day before it had even reached Brendon. Too stubborn to let go of his metal friend, Brendon refused to get another car.

The two piled into Brendon's faded red Jeep, anxious for the adventure awaiting in store. The old seats squeaked in protest as they climbed in. The removable Bikini top flapped in the wind and jiggled slightly with the shifting weight of the two boys.

"So. Where to?" Ryan asked with his already large eyes bulging with excitement at Brendon.

"Anywhere you wanna go, baby," Brendon said with a smirk, tracing the shape of Ryan's ear with his finger.

Ryan blushed and turned his eyes to the steering wheel. He shoved the key in the ignition and turned, starting the car. "Keep it in your pants, Mr. Urie," Ryan responded flatly, taking it as a joke. Brendon chuckled lightly and turned his attention out the window.

* * *

><p>Brendon watched Ryan drive through the busy streets of downtown Houston. Staring up at the sky scrapers that lined the streets and overpasses.<p>

"How can people live in such chaos?" Ryan questioned loudly as he stopped, yet again, behind a buildup of traffic.

"I guess they just get used to it. The same way we to used to living in a tiny ass bus with a bunch of dudes," Brendon answered, staring upward at the buildings, scanning the sky to try and find the tips of the mighty sky scrapers. "Have you even been looking around? Look at this place! I can't tell where the sky starts and ground begins!" He redirected his stare to Ryan, "Hey! Are you even listening?"

Ryan was staring ahead, trying to peer around the blockage of cars to figure out why the traffic had stopped. "Sorry, did you say something?"

"Yeah, I said something! Look!" Brendon half yelled as he grabbed Ryan's thin shoulders to pull Ryan sideways until his head rested on his lap for him to see out the passenger seat window. "See it? Look at that one!" Brendon prodded the flimsy plastic window.

"Yeah. It's beautiful..." Ryan said dreamily. Ryan wasn't looking up at the buildings. Instead, he was looking into the big brown orbs that resided in Brendon's glorious skull. Their eyes locked for a moment when Brendon withdrew his stare from the sky. All Ryan could think about was how Brendon's plush lips would feel against his. His gaze drifted from Brendon's eyes to his lips and chin, wondering if it would be okay if he would only brush his lips along his jawline.

"You're supposed to be looking at the view," Brendon broke the silence, the big, stupid grin now gone.

"I am," Ryan whispered quietly. Blaring horns sounded from the angry drivers behind the Jeep. Snapping back to reality, Ryan climbed back into the drivers seat and stomped on the gas to continue their journey. Brendon went back to staring at the buildings and the people surrounding them, unaffected by the prior event.

"Hey! Stop here! I'm starving!" Brendon shouted at Ryan after a few minutes of driving.

"Alright! Don't poke my eye out!" Ryan retorted as he pushed Brendon's outstretched hand out of his sight. "I told you you should've eaten something before we left."

"Yeah, yeah," Brendon waved his hand dismissively in the air between them.

"Steak? For breakfast?" Ryan asked when he took notice of the giant steakhouse sign on the side of the building. "It's barely nine in the morning!"

"Yeah, so?" Brendon cocked his head and smiled before leaping out of the Jeep. Ryan followed close behind Brendon, trying to take in the extremely country appearance of the establishment all at once. "Aw man, I hope they have steak and eggs! I would _die_ for a decent breakfast!" Brendon cried as they crossed the parking lot. Brendon held the door open for Ryan to enter first. "Ladies first," Brendon said, grinning and bowing slightly.

"Why, how kind!" Ryan said with his impression of an accent of a southern belle and topped it off with a curtsy.

They strolled in to wait at a large barrel with a rusty 'Please wait to be seated,' sign bolted to the side of it. The hostess, who, despite the heavily caked on makeup, barely looked old enough to be out of middle school, soon sat them to a booth towards the back.

"What can I get y'all?" the waitress asked in a raspy voice. Realizing she was at work, she quickly flashed them a crooked smile, exposing her yellowed and lipstick coated teeth.

"We'll have the steak and eggs with a side of Texas toast, I reckon" Brendon replied in the same scratchy voice.

"And to drink?" The waitress asked, who was definitely not in the mood for games. She shifted her weight on one hip before throwing her impatient hand toward Brendon. "Well?"

"Chocolate milk for me, thanks," Ryan butted in, attempting to calm the waitress.

"Awright. It'll be out in a minute," The waitress walked away ripping the order off her yellow pad.

"Hey! What about my drink?" Brendon shouted after the woman, sitting up on his knees to peer around the booth.

"Quit yelling at people or they'll spit in our food!" Ran said, pulling Brendon back down. "You can just have some of mine."

"Aw, what would I do without you, RyRy?" Brendon asked as he placed a chaste peck on Ryan's temple. Ryan blushed fiercely and cowered behind his tattered menu, hoping the grin Brendon was sporting wasn't directed at him.

"Is that Pete?" Ryan asked peeping around the tattered menu. "Looks like the guys came here after the movie." He watched the large group wait at the barrel-podium.

"I want a Happy Meal," Brendon said slapping his hands on the table. "Care to join me?" Brendon asked, standing beside the table with his hand outstretched before Ryan.

"Don't you wanna eat with the guys?" Ryan questioned before putting down his menu, his eyes glazed with confusion.

"But this place doesn't have Happy Meals!" Brendon whined. He stuck his bottom lip out and let out a small whimper.

"Fine. Let's go to McDonald's, then," Ryan sighed as he grabbed Brendon's hand.

"Lets go out the back way so Pete doesn't see us," Brendon said as he rushed toward the back of the restaurant with Ryan's hand in his.

"Why don't you want Pete to see us?" Ryan tried to ask, but Brendon was too busy dodging bus boys and waiters to even hear him.

"I'm driving!" Brendon exclaimed and dug his hand into Ryan's front pocket to retrieve the car keys.

"Really? But you never drive. Do you even know how?"

"You ask too many questions! Sit back and enjoy the ride, Ry!" Brendon said, patting Ryan's back before circling the vehicle. Ryan climbed into the Jeep obediently, not asking any more questions. 

* * *

><p>"There's got to be a McDonald's around here somewhere!" Brendon said after half an hour of driving.<p>

"Look! There's one down there!" Ryan pointed to the giant yellow 'M' below the bridge they were crossing.

"How the fuck am I supposed to get down there?" Brendon said, pressing his face against the window with his hand scratching longingly at the plastic.

"The exit! Take the exit! Hurry!" Ryan giggled and reached over to seize the loose steering wheel.

"Follow the Golden Arches! My french fry senses are tingling!" Brendon yelled.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading :D Review? Please? No? Okay...<strong>  
><strong>Update coming soon :D ~ Ember<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"I wish I could fly," Brendon said, examining his Batman toy.

A plastic red and yellow bladed fan whirred above their head, expelling a low clicking sound as it rocked against it's support. Exhausted teens buzzed around behind the counter. The stream of cars demanding breakfast competed for service with the constant flow of tired mothers steering in their flocks of children. Orders were screamed over the counter, startling the fatigued girl at the register. Wails from sleepy children were spaced out around the restaurant, crying for attention and nourishment.

"Batman doesn't fly; Superman does," Ryan said as he sipped at his Dr. Pepper, ignoring the intense stare coming from the child at the next table.

"Whatever. I wanna fly," Brendon said soberly, popping a fry into his mouth.

"What are you waiting for, then?" Ryan chuckled. Brendon broke his stare from his plastic Batman and beamed at Ryan.

"Ryan, you're a genius!" Brendon leapt from the metal chair, causing it to fall on it's side with a loud clang, scaring the children at the table behind them, earning a curse from their frizzy haired babysitter. He sprinted around the restaurant with his arms stretched in front of him making what Ryan guessed were flying noises. He flew around the crowd of people waiting impatiently for their food at the counter and even jumped over a few toddlers. "Come on, Ry!" he exclaimed before whooshing out the door. Ryan shot the employees an apologetic smile before chasing after Brendon.

"Phew! I'm beat! I don't know how Superman does it!" Brendon laughed out as he plopped down on the asphalt in the middle of the drive-thru. Ryan glanced down the suddenly empty drive-thru before joining Brendon on the ground. Hopefully the breakfast rush was over.

"He probably has super secret pockets for his super secret energy drinks," Ryan said.

Brendon laughed at the thought of Superman lugging around cases of Red Bull in his spandex suit. "I'm sleepy! Take a nap with me!" Brendon said, throwing his arms around Ryan and pulling him to the ground.

"Uh, Bren? We can't sleep in the middle of a McDonald's Drive Thru!" Ryan said, struggling to sit back up.

"Shh. Did you hear that?" Brendon asked while placing his hand over Ryan's mouth.

"Hear what?" Ryan said, the sound muffled through Brendon's fingers.

"There aren't any cars here! I don't see why we_ can't _sleep here," Brendon said, laying back on the heated asphalt. "Come on, Ry. The grounds nice and warm."

"I guess it's okay since there aren't any cars," Ryan said as he sat up to look around for any sign of a vehicle before laying back down next to Brendon.

"I'll hold you tight, so if a car does come, it'll squash us both," Brendon said with a smile as he pulled Ryan close. Brendon nuzzled against Ryan's neck with his arms around his middle. Amused, Ryan laughed softly before placing his hand on Brendon's shoulder. "You're the cheese to macaroni, Ryan," Brendon whispered in Ryan's ear causing Ryan to burst out in laughter. Ryan rolled to his other side so that he was face to face with Brendon.

"Is that so? I'm flattered," Ryan said, slightly blushing.

"Yeah. It's so," Brendon said quietly, leaning closer to Ryan to where their noses brushed. Ryan's heart pounded. He was sure Brendon could hear it. He worried that it might pop out his chest and slap Brendon across the face. Brendon was leaning in closer. He cupped Ryan's blushed cheek with his hand. He could hear Ryan's breath catch in his throat. Their lips pressed together. Both of them sat motionless, afraid of ruining the moment. A deep car horn causes them to part, cutting the kiss short. They both jumped to their feet and ran across the asphalt parking lot to the car. Laughing, they climbed into the squeaky Jeep. Brendon quickly started the car and they were back on the road.

"Did you see the look on that lady's face? Priceless!" Brendon said, laughing. "So where to now?" he added quickly, unaffected by the kiss.

"Umm, I don't know. Where do you wanna go, Bren?" Ryan asked, turning his head away from Brendon with even his ears burning with embarrassed from the prior event.

"Hey!" Brendon jumped at Ryan, "Isn't there a beach here?"

"Yeah, on the coast. Which is in Galveston." Brendon's expression sat unchanged. "Which is, like, two hours away," Ryan added, hoping the distance would change Brendon's mind.

Brendon scoffed. "That's nothing! We _live_ on the road! Two measly hours will be nothing!"

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you," Ryan said as he flashed Brendon a smile.

* * *

><p><strong>Short chapter, but you still love me, right? :)<strong>  
><strong>Review! Pretty please? ~ Ember <strong>


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"Ryan, I'm bored! You drive!" Brendon whined. He slackened against the steering wheel.

"You're the one who wanted to drive to a beach that's forever away," Ryan said waving his hands around.

"But _Ryan_!" Brendon pouted and stuck out his bottom lip, stretching Ryan's name into several syllables.

"You've only been driving for fifteen minutes!"

"But _Ryan_!" Brendon begged again, dragging out each syllable.

"Okay fine! Just shut up already," Ryan laughed out.

"Yay! I love you, Ryan! Iloveyou iloveyou iloveyou!" Brendon said, jumping in his seat as he skidded the small car to a halt. The two got out and circled around the front as they switched. Ryan blushed fiercely, trying to hide his face as best as possible.

"Yay!" squealed Brendon from the passenger seat. "... So, are we there yet?" Brendon asked soon after Ryan got back on the road, already bored.

"We still have about an hour and forty-five minutes to go," Ryan smiled at Brendon.

"Then go faster! I wanna feel the ocean breeze in my hair!" said Brendon and he tossed his head several times, pretending to flip a luxurious mane .

"Then you'll have to spend another hour fixing it," Ryan laughed out, running his fingers through Brendon's hair.

"What? You expect me to just naturally have insanely sexy hair? Sexiness as sexy as this takes time," Brendon said fixing the few stray hairs that Ryan had caused.

"Calm down, princess," Ryan giggled at the sight of Brendon fussing over his hair.

"Oh, Prince Ryan! Save me from the fatal bed head!" Brendon shouted, throwing his arms around Ryan, causing him to swerve into the next lane in front of a very angry grandmother.

"Brendon!" Ryan yelled, ducking his head behind his shoulder, trying to hide his red face from Brendon.

"Don't hate," Brendon said, sitting back down properly. He glanced at his reflection one last time before flipping up the spotty pull down mirror.

* * *

><p>"So where are we even going?" Ryan asked while they passed though a Galveston neighborhood, trying to stare past the giant SUV in front of them at the stop light.<p>

"These streets are too confusing. What's up with the letters? 'O'? 'O and a half'?"

"Just keep going until you see the water," Brendon said with his face once again pressed against the plastic window. He began making faces at the passing pedestrians, doing the best to scare the children passing by gripping their parents' hands.

"That?" Ryan asked as the light turned green and the cars began to move forward. He pointed to the edge of the street where it seemed to drop off directly into the water behind the small crowd of parked cars.

"Yeah! Just park here! We can walk the rest!" Brendon said, jumping in his seat at the glimpse of the water.

"Alright, alright," Ryan said while waving his hand to signal Brendon to calm down. He turned by a surf shop and parallel parked between a bus and a broken yellow volts wagon without a hood and only one headlight.

Brendon jumped out of the Jeep before Ryan could even take the key out of the ignition. Ryan looked up to see Brendon zig-zagging across the street toward the sea wall, dodging oncoming traffic. Ryan smiled to himself and clicked off his seat belt. He carefully crossed the road, looking both ways and waving to drivers when they stopped to let him pass. He squeezed himself between two cars parked beside the silver railing protruding out of the edging of the wall.

"It's about time. Do you always keep your men waiting?," Brendon shouted to Ryan. He was sitting on the edge of the wall behind the railing, admiring the brown-tipped brine of the waves.

"Sorry, I didn't feel like getting run over today," he smiled at Brendon. He climbed over the piped railing, squatted next to Brendon and dropped his legs off the edge, letting them dangle off the edge just as Brendon's were.

"Yeah, yeah," Brendon sighed, waving his hand at Ryan.

"Brendon? I've been meaning to ask you..." Ryan asked after a moment's silence. He chewed at his bottom lip.

"Yeah? What's that?" Brendon hesitated, casting a sideways glance at Ryan before looking back at the water.

"What happened? Back there at the steak house? Why'd you want to leave in such a hurry?" Ryan questioned, still biting his lip.

Brendon stared down at dulled sand below their dangling feet and smiled. His head tilted up and he leaned into Ryan, whispering in his ear, "Maybe I just didn't feel like sharing you today." Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sure, Brendon would flirt him and grope him on stage every once in a while, but he's never said anything like that to him, not without adding a 'Only joking, buddy!' or a 'Just kidding!' or even a head shake-'Not really' combo behind it. Was he serious? Afraid to ask, Ryan sat with his lip between his teeth, trying not to move. Brendon retreated chuckling, the smirk on his face grew into a teeth-bared grin.

"Let's go! " Brendon hopped down from the wall and landed in the fluffy sand below, tumbling to his knees and getting sand on his pants and the palms of his hands. "What are you waiting for, RyRy," he called up to Ryan from below. Ryan slowly got to his feet, watching Brendon jump around in the sand like a deranged child. Ryan climbed back over the railing and took the concrete steps down to the shore, his hand gripping the slightly rusted metal hand rail on the way down.

"I should've known you'd take the sissy way down!" Brendon scoffed. "Stairs are wimps!"

"Excuse me for not wanting to bust my ass by throwing myself off the edge," Ryan chuckled out.

"Wimp," Brendon said, throwing his hand over his shoulder as he turned to walk toward the water. The two walked along the shore, sharing inside jokes and just chatting away like teenage girls at a slumber party until the sky had turned an orange tint at the end of the horizon.

Brendon stopped walking and turned toward the water. "It's not very pretty, is it? It's not blue like the pretty beaches they have in the books or vacation brochures. This beach just looks like someone forgot to clean the fish tank."

"Yeah, I guess it isn't like the books," Ryan said, joining Brendon. "But that's what makes this place unique."

"That reminds me. I'm hungry."

"How does that remind you of your hunger?" Ryan asked, snapping back.

"The sky!" Brendon threw him arm in the air, pointing to the sky above. "It's orange! Like ice cream! And there's an ice cream truck!" Brendon said pointing into the distance at a sickly green truck, easily distinguishable against the color of the dull grayish brown sand. "It's fate!"

"Brendon, wait up!" Ryan called after Brendon as he watched him bound off down the beach to the truck.

* * *

><p><strong>Welp there it is. Chapter four. Can I get my cookie now? No? Didn't think so...<br>Leave me a review :D ~Ember **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"My Ninja Turtle could totally destroy your Powerpuff Girl," Brendon said to Ryan who was sucking on the pigtail of his Powerpuff Girl shaped ice cream.

They were sitting in fluffiest part of the sand; just below the edge of the seawall, sandwiched between the concrete steps and a mound of seaweed that washed up on shore.

"No way! Bubbles can fly! And has lasers... Or some shit," Ryan said, admiring the treat before wiggling it in front of Brendon.

"Leonardo doesn't fear little girls with eyes made of gumballs!" Brendon scoffed and turned his nose up at the ice cream in Ryan's hand.

"Let's see how tough Leonardo is when he feels the wrath of Bubbles!" Ryan smashed the Ninja Turtle's half eaten head with one of Bubbles' pigtails.

"Aw! Ryan! You got the flavors mixed!" Brendon whined as he stared into the dent Bubbles' head had just made. "This means war!" he added with a malicious grin painted across his face. He grabbed Ryan's ice cream and began to violently rub the two heads together.

"What did you do to poor Bubbles?" Ryan laughed out, as Brendon handed back his ice cream with a satisfied smirk. Ryan turned the popsicle stick attached to Bubbles, trying to distinguish pigtails from eyeballs in the multicolored blob of ice cream.

"It's delicious! Try it!" Brendon said, leaning back against the seawall, licking his former Ninja Turtle.

"I can't eat this! It's got your cooties all over it!" Ryan chortled.

"Shut up and eat it, you wimp," Brendon said as he finished off the last of his desert.

"What are you looking at?" Ryan asked, finally realizing that Brendon had been staring at him. Brendon leaned forward. Not as close as before at McDonald's, but he was close enough to hear Ryan's nervous breath catch in his throat.

"Eyelash," Brendon said, picking the curved hair from Ryan's cheek. "Make a wish." He held it on the tip of his finger before Ryan.

"Uhh..." Ryan hesitated.

"Too late!" shouted Brendon as he blew away the lash.

"You dick! You stole my wish!" Ryan said loudly, gently shoving Brendon.

"You're too slow!" Brendon said, getting up and brushing the sand from the back of his pants. "Like always!" he added before dashing up the concrete stairs, sending sand flying with his footfalls.

"Hey! No fair!" Ryan shouted, trying to choke down his ice cream and clamber out of the hole his ass had dug him into. "Brendon, you douche! Where'd you go?" he shouted. "Bren-!" Ryan halted at the top of the stairs. He scanned the street and saw Brendon directly across the street at an outdoor diner. He was with a girl. Were they... Flirting? She was smiling at him, and, even from this distance, Ryan could tell Brendon was definitely using his dreamy eyes. Ryan knew these eyes far too well. He had become very acquainted with those eyes; especially today.

She handed him a napkin (probably with her number on it) before shyly holding up her hand and wiggling her fingers to wave goodbye. Brendon lingered at the spot to watch her behind sway, obviously exaggeratedly, as she walked away. Finally realizing where he was, Brendon turned and sprinted back across the street to Ryan.

"Ryan, hey! You'll never believe what just happened!" Brendon shouted at Ryan.

"Oh, I'll probably believe it," Ryan says, forcing himself to laugh, masking whatever emotions he was enduring with a smile. He didn't want to hear about how he had just met some crazed fangirl. Ryan started across the street for the surf shop, looking both ways down the street for oncoming cars with Brendon trotting along at his heels, sporting his big, stupid, grin.

"I met girl! She comes up to me and she's all 'You look familiar. Do I know you?' and I'm all 'Maybe in your dreams?' ya know, just charming the pants off of her! And she laughs! She's got the cutest laugh!" Brendon babbled. Ryan climbed into the Jeep, not caring he hadn't even locked it. Brendon was still rambling on about the mystery girl.

"And then she says 'Wait! I know you! You're in a band!' and you know me, I cranked the Urie charm on full blast and say 'Yeah, that's me.' And she giggles an-" Ryan tuned him out his mindless droning after that and turned his focus to the road, allowing himself to nod occasionally and grunt at Brendon's story. The two only talked for five seconds! Surely, he can't go on about her hair for two hours...

* * *

><p><strong>AND THE PLOT THICKENS! Who is this mystery girl? Just some annoying fangirl? The girl of Brendon's dreams? And why the hell didn't I get any ice cream? All will be answered in the next chapter! Leave me a pretty review :) ~ Ember<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"_Two hours_. I can't believe it! Two _solid_ hours packed with how pretty '_Sarah_' is! That's her name. Sarah. More like 'Satan' if you ask me," Ryan complained to Spencer that night.

They were sitting across from each other on Ryan's bunk. Their legs crossed and each leaned on the adjacent walls.

"It sounds like someone's jealous," Spencer replied with a sly smile.

"What?" Ryan scoffed. "Not even! Who's jealous? Surely, you don't mean me," Ryan said through a forced laugh.

"I do mean you, and don't call me Shirley," Spencer said before standing from Ryan's bunk. He backed up through the entrance to the bunk room, a grin quickly spreading on his face.

"Oh, har har! Very funny, Spence!" Ryan yelled after Spencer exited the room.

"Aren't you guys a little old to be watching Spongebob?" Spencer asked Jon and Brendon who were sitting on the couch, staring into the television set. The two turned their heads slowly and gave Spencer a scowl that could probably make children cry. "All right. Forget I asked," Spencer said, reversing back into the fridge with his hands held up by his shoulders in surrender.

"You want any snacks, Ryan?" he hollered toward the back of the bus to a flustered Ryan behind the thin sliding door.

"M&M's with a chewy penguin center!" Ryan yelled through to the other room.

Spencer grabbed the bowl of grapes out of the small, oddly colored yellow fridge and retreated back into the bunk room. "My, aren't we feeling adventurous tonight," he said as he slid open the door.

"God, no! No more adventures for the rest of my life!," Ryan said, emphasizing each word with an extravagant hand flail or gesture.

"So that was all you guys did? Sit in the car and talk about Sarah?" Spencer asked through a mouthful of grapes.

"No! _We_ didn't talk about Sarah! _He_ talked about Sarah! The entire way back!" Ryan corrected.

"Sounds like a pretty boring adventure."

"No, that wasn't the only thing we did. It was actually a pretty fun day. We did lots," Ryan stated, stealing the grape that Spencer was about to pop into his mouth.

"Oh, so you had _those_ kind of adventures?" Spencer asked, smirking.

"No!" Ryan flicked Spencer's nose, quickly removing the smirk. "We drove around for a while and Bren looked at the buildings. Then we went to a steakhouse-"

"No way! So did we after the movie!" Spencer interrupted. "It was this horribly country place with, like, straw coming out of every crack in the wall. Pete managed to grab the old waitress' ass four times before we were escorted off the premises," he finished, snickering.

"Yeah, we saw you guys there. I pointed Pete out to Brendon right after we ordered then he suddenly wanted to leave."

"Why? Did he suddenly turn vegan, or something?" Spencer smiled slightly at the strange thought of Brendon turning down meat.

"He drove us to McDonald's from there-"

"He _drove_?" Spencer interrupted again.

"-I asked him about it later, and he said that he didn't want to share me," Ryan continued his story. "I couldn't tell if he was serious or not, though." said Ryan, staring as if fascinated by his socks, trying to prevent Spencer from seeing the blush quickly spreading across his face.

"Pete does like to grope you. Almost as much as Brendon does. They actually have competitions on who could grope you the most times before you run away," Spencer chuckled. "Maybe, he really didn't want to share you. What's he doing driving anyway? Shit! That one felt like a squishy eyeball!" Spencer blurted, referring to the rotten grape he had just popped into his mouth. "Or maybe, he just wanted that Batman toy he's always seeing on Happy Meal commercials," he added, still coughing from the tainted fruit and placed the bowl of grapes on the floor, suddenly losing his appetite for fruit.

"Yeah, maybe," Ryan said, still staring at his socks. "But why'd he..." he trailed off.

"Why'd who what? Finish your sentences, Ryan!" Spencer scolded Ryan, hitting him in the face with his pillow.

"He _kissed_ me, alright?" Ryan hissed a little louder than he anticipated, covering his mouth when realizing.

Spencer got the hint and opened the sliding door a crack to peek at Jon and Brendon to check if they'd heard. "They didn't hear. They're too busy comparing toenails."

"I didn't mean to say it that loud," Ryan said quietly.

"It's okay. Tell me what happened next," Spencer said, placing a comforting hand on Ryan's knee. Ryan told Spencer about the day he and Brendon shared, this time at a normal, consistent, volume. He conveniently skipped over the other almost intimate moments, not wanting Spencer to know his feelings for Brendon.

"So he kisses you, and not only does he flirt with someone while you're there, but he tells you about her for two hours like a fucking douche canoe?" Spencer demanded.

"Pretty much," Ryan shrugged, avoiding Spencer's stare once more.

"I'll kill him!" Spencer decided, unfolding one leg beneath him to step off the bunk.

"No! He can't know I told you!" Ryan pleaded, trying to make Spencer sit back down.

"Why the fuck not?" he asked, reluctantly sitting back down as Ryan wished.

"I-I don't know," Ryan said sheepishly, still evading Spencer's eyes.

"He has no idea how you feel, does he?" Spencer asked, placing a gentle finger under Ryan's chin to lift his gaze to meet his.

"What?" Ryan scoffed. "You don't know what you're talking about," Ryan stated flatly and swatted Spencer's hand from under his chin. "All those rotten grapes have gone to your head. I'm gonna go watch Spongebob!" Ryan added all in one nervous breath.

"Oh, come on! It was only one grape! And It didn't go to my head! ...It went to my foot," Spencer said, lifting his foot to show Ryan the squished mess that covered his right foot. He had stepped in the bowl when he tried to stand up to go on a murdering spree. What had started with small chuckles, descended into giggles, which transformed into uncontrollable guffaws exploding from Ryan and Spencer.

"It sounds like a pack of hyenas are hiding out back here!" Jon exclaimed over the laughter, violently sliding the door open allowing it to bounce on its track. The words 'his' and 'foot' was all that Ryan could get through his laughs.

"Hey, Spence. I'm not so sure you're supposed to eat grapes that way," Brendon said, coming up from behind Jon.

"I didn't mean to do it, numb nuts! Now get me a towel!" Spencer directed at Brendon with more anger than intended.

"Here, grouch," Brendon said, throwing the towel that was hanging on the back of the open bathroom door to Spencer.

"Bed time!" Jon shouted, stretching his hands above his head high enough to be able to crack his knuckles on the thinly padded ceiling. "We gotta be rested for tomorrow!"

"Right!" Brendon confirmed, pointing to Jon before turning to Ryan. "Night, Ry," Brendon offered to Ryan with a smile before climbing onto his bed above Ryan's.

"Yeah, G'night," Ryan squeaked. Spencer rolled his eyes and got up from Ryan's bed.

"Night, kid. Think about what I said, k?"

"Yeah, alright," Ryan whispered.

"Nighty night everyone!" Jon yelled out before switching off the light, leaving Ryan alone to his thoughts.

Maybe Brendon _does_ like him. Maybe he was just trying to make him jealous. That girl was probably just a fan he was talking to.

"I wonder what Sarah's doing right now," Brendon whispered into the darkness.

"_Nope. He doesn't like me. He doesn't like me at all,"_ Ryan decided to himself. _"That girl is evil. Pure fucking evil. He loves Satan... I mean, Sarah. That fucking bitch."_

* * *

><p><strong>I'm sorry I haven't updated! *hides under desk* The truth is that I don't have internet :( I haven't had it for almost six months now, but my phone has this handy little app that makes it turn into a wifi hotspot that I'm able to connect my computer to. But, of course, something had to go wrong -.- It stopped working the day after I last updated and hasn't worked since. I'm bumming off the internet at the house I babysit at right now. I'm not sure how long I'll be without internet so I can't promise an update soon. *Prepares for the flying food* But I'm posting the next chapter right now along with this one to make up for it! Again, sorry, sorry, sorry! ~Ember<strong>_  
><em>


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

"Do you think she's here? I told her we would be here! Do you see her?" Brendon asked in anguish, peeking past the stage, scanning the noisy crowd for a familiar face.

"I don't know, Bren. There's too many people out there to find anyone," Ryan replied, ignoring his bouncing friend.

"She's here! She has to be!" Brendon confirmed to himself as he stepped back and disappeared into one of the smaller rooms leading off into the hallway.

"You okay?" Spencer asked, coming up behind Ryan.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Ryan said, answering Spencer's question with another question, staring after Brendon. His expression was empty, hoping Spencer would drop the subject of his emotions.

"You guys, look! She sent this backstage for me!" Brendon screamed to no one in particular but still managed to grab everyone's attention who happened to be backstage or even passing by. He was carrying a sizable bag filled with chocolate covered gummy bears, adorning a card slightly hidden beneath the fluffy pink bow that read, 'Bears for my Brenny Bear. Love Sarah,' in purple loopy writing followed by a heart she had drawn.

"How in the hell does she even know you like those disgusting things? You guys only talked for three seconds!" Spencer half shouted at the grinning idiot.

"It just happened to come up," Brendon said, turning the bag over in his hand, inspecting each bear.

Whatever. Let's just do this thing and go home," Spencer replied coldly before turning away.

"What's his issue?" Brendon asked Ryan. "I don't know, Brendon. I really don't fucking know," Ryan's flat tone accompanied a glare before he, too, turned away. Brendon stared after him with a look of hurt and confusion etched on his face before replying.

"You guys are just jealous of my awesome bears of love!"

* * *

><p>"He's an ass. A complete fucking ass," Spencer said once he turned around to see Ryan had followed him into the dressing room. He shot Ryan a glare which slowly turned into a concerned look.<p>

"I'm fine, Spence, really," Ryan said with an attempt of a smile just as Spencer opened his mouth to ask.

He stared at Ryan, not sure what to say. His mouth closed and opened once more, trying to think of something. "Let's just get this shit over with before I bust my drum over his head on stage," Spencer finally sighed out.

"Yeah," Ryan said somberly, smiling nervously at the ground when Spencer passed him.

* * *

><p>"Hello?" Brendon sounded from the partially opened door to the dressing room after the concert. "Ry?"<p>

"Yeah, Brendon?" Ryan answered from the lighted mirror. He was taking of the eyeliner and clown colored blush he had put on before the show with a wad of cotton dampened with makeup remover.

"Are you okay?" Brendon asked, stepping into the room, closing the door behind him. "You seemed... I don't know, it seemed like you were somewhere else tonight."

"Yeah, sorry. I was... thinking," Ryan said quickly. He mentally slapped himself, unable to come up with a better excuse, still facing his reflection.

"Now I owe Jon five bucks," Brendon said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I bet him I could grope you twelve times on stage," he finished with a laugh.

Brendon had attempted much more than twelve, though. Ryan usually allowed a couple ass grabs and sometimes even a haste kiss on his neck, but tonight, he had backed away almost every time.

"I'm sorry," Ryan lied, still facing his reflection and scrubbed off the last of the blinding pink blush.

"Hey, can I have a kiss?" Brendon asked, stepping closer to Ryan.

"Wh-What?" Ryan whirled around to face Brendon.

Brendon snaked his arm around Ryan and pulled the bag of chocolate kisses from the counter in front of the mirror and held it in front of Ryan. "Calm down, Ryan. It's just chocolate. Quit being greedy and share," Brendon laughed out as he reached his hand into the bag to retrieve a silver wrapped chocolate.

Ryan let out the breath he didn't know he was holding, closed his jaw that he hadn't even noticed shot open, and averted his eyes to the floor. Brendon really needed new shoes. "Yeah, right. Chocolate." Ryan shook his head turned back to the counter, smiling shyly.

"Hey, Ryan?" Brendon asked from behind Ryan. Ryan could feel his warmth of his presence on the back of his neck. Ryan turned slowly away from the mirror to face Brendon, once again.

"Yeah, Bren?"

Brendon grabbed the back of Ryan's neck as soon as he turned to look into his eyes. He pulled their lips together in a heavy, almost bruising kiss. He wrapped his arm around Ryan's waist and tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss. He ran his tongue along Ryan's bottom lip. Ryan parted his lips, granting Brendon's request for entrance. Brendon plunged his tongue into Ryan's mouth, tasting every bit of it. He flicked his chocolate-laced tongue against Ryan's and caressed the roof of his mouth, determined to reach every crevice of Ryan's mouth. Ryan whimpered, causing Brendon to smile into the kiss. Without parting, he pushed Ryan backward to sit on the counter in front of the mirror, throwing off anything that was on top. Ryan sat down obediently, wrapping his legs around Brendon's waist. Brendon reached a hand between them to palm the growing bulge in Ryan's pants, causing him to gasp into Brendon's mouth. Smirking smugly, Brendon began to place small kisses along Ryan's jawline, stopping to nibble slightly at the skin below his ear.

"Ryan! Come on! What're you doing in he-" Spencer blurted as he entered the room. The two jumped apart, with Ryan hitting his head on the glass of the mirror. "Oh. Uh, sorry. I'll just... Yeah," Spencer stated awkwardly before leaving the doorway.

Brendon doubled over into laughter as soon as the door was shut. Ryan, red as a tomato, managed to finally get out a few giggles after he removed his hands from his face and hopped off the counter, rubbing the back of his head where he had hit the mirror.

"We should probably get back," Brendon said, finally able to speak.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed with a small smile, his face still pinked. Ryan was the first out the door, frantic to keep his embarrassment hidden from Brendon's sight. Brendon didn't let Ryan out of his sight for long. He chased after him and caught Ryan's hand in his, lacing their fingers together. He threw a smile to Ryan, forcing his pink complexion back to the vibrant red it had been before.

"Brendon!" a shrill voice erupted from behind them. Brendon dropped their hands at once and turned around to face the source.

"Sarah! Hey, you made it!" Brendon exclaimed before running over to embrace the bimbo.

Disgusted, Ryan turned to leave Brendon to his Satan. Ryan didn't know if Brendon had seen him storm off, nor did he care. Both his head and heart were racing. He couldn't decide who he loathed more: Brendon or Sarah.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh no she di-n't!<strong> **What is our poor Ryan to do? Again, sorry for the slow update. I'll update as soon as I can :) ~Ember**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Before Ryan knew it, his feet had carried him to the bus. He threw open the door with unnecessary force and slammed it shut behind him. He could hear the shower going, assuming it was Jon, Ryan tore through the bus, set on finding Spencer.

"Spence! Spencer, where the hell are you?" Ryan screamed into the bedroom after throwing open the sliding door, allowing it to sway dangerously on it's weakening track as it bounced back.

"Chill, Romeo. It's none of my business who you suck face with, it's not like I care," Spencer said, hopping off his bunk.

"No! After that! I! He! _Satan_!" Ryan shouted to the ceiling, pacing the small room.

"What?" Spencer asked, chuckling at how flustered Ryan appeared. "Your sentence skills are horrible."

"After you so rudely busted in like the fucking Kool-Aid man, me and Brendon were following you to the bus!" Ryan yelled.

"I didn't mean to interrupt; I really am sorry, Ry," Spencer said sincerely.

"No!" Ryan said, waving his hand dismissively over his shoulder. "_After_ that," he rolled his eyes, "we were coming back to the bus when... _she_ appeared," Ryan said, his voice deepening as he said the last line.

"Sarah?" Spencer's jaw dropped. "They let the bitch backstage?"

"Apparently!" Ryan said, waving his arms around before collapsing onto his bunk.

"What happened then," Spencer asked, his cheeks tinted pink with anger.

"He just ditched me! He heard her voice and went running off into her arms, so I just left. Fuck him. I'm going to bed," Ryan stated before rolling over to face the wall.

"I'll talk to the bastard," Spencer said, sitting at the foot of Ryan's bed.

"Talk to who?" Jon asked as he emerged from the misty bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Squidward, Jon. And put on some damn clothes, will you?" Spencer spat at Jon.

"I have boxers under here!" Jon said as he threw off his fluffy, purple towel to expose his silk boxers adorned with Spongebob and Patrick dancing in Christmas attire.

"Its not even Christmas!" Spencer said, getting up from Ryan's bed, trying to stifle the chuckles threatening to burst out.

"It doesn't have to be Christmas to have fancy panties!" Jon laughed out, wiggling his backside in front of Spencer. "What's wrong with Ryan?" he asked when he noticed Spencer was the only one laughing and stopped squirming.

"He's tired." Spencer said quickly, ceasing the laughter. "You should go to bed too."

"And where do you think you're going at this hour?" Jon asked with his hand on his hips when he realized Spencer had no intention of going to bed.

"Mind your own beeswax, punk," Spencer said, prodding Jon in the stomach before turning to head to the front of the bus.

"Shrew!" Jon yelled after Spencer had closed the sliding door. "Night, Ry!" Jon yelled before jumping into Spencer's bed. "Let's see how big he talks when he sees someone has taken over his bed. Score one for Jon!" Jon muttered to himself before making a farting noise with his mouth after a mighty punch to the air.

* * *

><p>Assuming everyone was asleep when he noticed the darkened bunk room window, Brendon opened the door to the bus as quietly as he could. He locked the door behind him and drew the shade to cover the window on the door.<p>

"Where've you been?" Brendon jumped at Spencer's voice from the couch.

"Jesus fuck, Spence!" Brendon laughed out before swatting Spencer's feet so his could sit on the couch too. "Why are you still up?"

"You didn't answer my question, Urie," Spencer said firmly.

Taking the use of his last name, Brendon knew he was in trouble. "Relax, I was out with Sarah." Brendon said, patting Spencer's foot.

"Doing _what_?" Spencer hissed through clenched teeth.

"Having coffee. What's with you, Spence?" he asked, confused with the sudden rage.

"You hate coffee!" Spencer spat, avoiding Brendon's question.

"Yeah, well, I had a cookie." Brendon rolled his eyes "Whaddup with the sudden Hulk rage?" he pleaded, grabbing Spencer's foot firmly, forcing Spencer to look at him.

"You really don't know?" Spencer's question was answered with yet another confused look from Brendon. "Geez, you really are dumb," Spencer said before kicking Brendon's hand resting on his foot.

"Look, I'm sorry that I didn't get you a cookie! You want me to go ba-"

"What the fuck was that with Ryan in the dressing room?" Spencer questioned, interrupting Brendon's lame apology.

"You're mad about _that_? Why? Do you like him, or something?" Brendon's eyes widened.

"No, Urie," Spencer sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to control his anger.

"Good!... Because... Yeah, well. Good night," Brendon said, trying to make his way to the bedroom.

"Wait! So, you _don't_ like him?" Spencer made a grab for Brendon's wrist, stopping him. "At all?"

"Well..." Brendon sighed and let his hand go slack in Spencer's grip. "Can you keep a secret?" Brendon said, plopping back down on the squashy couch.

"Sure, Bren," Spencer's tone lightened, his firm grip loosened into a soft bracelet on Brendon's arm. His brow pinched in concern.

"I _do_ like Ryan. A lot, actually," Brendon said, trying to cover his embarrassment with a laugh. "It's not like I could tell him, though." He threw his gaze to the floor. "It'd ruin the band. Band members that date just end up making everything go to shit."

"You make absolutely no sense, Urie" Spencer chuckled, making Brendon's last name sound less threatening. "You make it sound like you're gonna marry him, or something. Just grow some damn balls and tell him."

"Yeah, well, it's easier said than done," Brendon said, suddenly fascinated with his fingernails.

"You'll get there. Let's just get to bed already. This couch is horrible to sleep on," Spencer said, getting up and holding out his hand to Brendon. Reluctantly, Brendon took it.

"Actually, I think I'll sleep on the couch," Brendon said when they were halfway to the bunks, snatching his hand back.

"Yeah. I understand. See you in the morning, Bren," Spencer said with a frown said before disappearing behind the sliding door.

Brendon turned to couch and made a pained grunt. That couch really _was_ uncomfortable. Instead, he grabbed the blanket Spencer was using on the couch and headed into the bathroom.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you to everyone who has been reading! You guys have no idea how happy I get when I see another person following the story! It's like a thousand smiley emoticons explode in my brain! ... In the best was possible, of course. And I know I haven't updated in a while, but that's all going to change soon! I'm getting internet this week! *Does victory dance* Then I'll be back to updating on a regular basis! Again, thank you all so, so, <em>so<em> much! Keep reviewing :D ~Ember**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"What the fuck are you doing in the shower?" Ryan screamed early the next morning, waking the entire bus and probably every hobo within a twenty mile radius.

"Sleeping! Quit yelling at me!" Brendon hollered back, yanking the blanket he had brought with him from Ryan's grip.

"I was about to take a shower! You're lucky I wasn't naked!" Ryan said fiercely.

"Am I?" Brendon allowed his face to resurface from the blanket he had hid behind with a suggestive smile and a waggle of his eyebrows.

Fuming, Ryan grabbed Brendon's blanket and threw it into the small hallway. "Get _out_!" Ryan screamed and thrusted his arm to stab the air with his extended index finger.

"Relax, Ry. I'm going, alright!" Brendon said, stepping out of the shower. Ryan shoved him the rest of the way out of the room, having the door slammed behind him. "Someone is _not_ a morning person," Brendon sighed to himself, making his way to the refrigerator.

"Lovely morning, I hear," Spencer said from the doorway.

"He's just a little cranky," Brendon said, without taking his eyes off his toaster waffles.

"You know, staring at it like that won't make it go any faster," Spencer said while watching Brendon stare intently at the toaster.

"I'm thinking that maybe if I stare at it like this, I wont jump when it pops OUT!" Brendon said, screaming the last word and jumping at the hopping waffles.

"Great strategy, Bren," Spencer said, laughing.

"You distracted me! It would've worked!" Brendon said, laughing along with Spencer. Brendon retrieved his waffles, not caring to get a plate, and sat down on the uncomfortably squashy couch and turned on the television.

"Are you gonna tell him?" Spencer asked from the doorway, his face now serious.

"Tell who what?" Brendon said, oblivious to everything but Spongebob flipping Krabby Pattys.

"Don't act dumb. You know what I'm talking about," Spencer said, finally leaving the doorway to sit next to Brendon and his waffles.

"I'll get to it. Please, don't refer to it again," Brendon said without having his attention part from the sea sponge.

"Fine, I won't. It doesn't bother _me _any," Spencer said, leaning back to sink into the couch.

"And _who_, exactly, does it bother?" Brendon asked coldly, his gaze still on the television.

"You know," Spencer said, allowing himself some mystery.

"Whatever. Back off my waffle."

Spencer sighed loudly at Brendon then disappeared behind the sliding door to the bedroom. 

* * *

><p>"Are you guys ready yet?" Jon yelled toward the back of the bus, twirling the keys to the Wrangler around his finger. "I'm starving!"<p>

"We're all ready, Jon, cool your shit," Spencer called as he stepped out of the bedroom, adjusting his shirt, followed by Brendon and Ryan.

"Where are we going?" Ryan asked as they exited the bus.

"The very first place with food!" Jon exclaimed skyward.

"Shotgun!" Spencer called and ran toward the passenger side of the Jeep.

Ryan shot Spencer a scowl, knowing he would be left with the only option of sitting in the back seat with Brendon. Ryan climbed into the back seat, immediately staring out the window, trying to look everywhere else but Brendon. As soon as Jon started driving, Ryan's phone buzzed. He dug it out of his pocket and opened it to view the message.

Spencer: 'Sorry. I forgot about... u and him.'

Ryan sighed loudly, though it went unheard on account that Jon had cranked the radio's volume so high that the they were getting dirty looks from passing cars.

'It's alright, I guess. I'll just ignore him,' Ryan texted back.

Soon after he slid his phone closed, it buzzed again. Confused, he looked up at Spencer and he noticed he was still reading the message he had just sent. Ryan opened and grunted as he saw the name read 'Bren'. Reluctantly, he opened it.

'R U avoiding me?'

He looked over and Brendon to see him staring back at him, almost pleading with his eyes. It was true, Ryan was avoiding him. He was still pissed about last night. Brendon's had all day to apologize, but hasn't even attempted to. Ryan scoffed and slid his phone closed without answering, knowing Brendon was watching. Hurt, Brendon turned his gaze from Ryan to the floor of the Jeep.

_He could have at least replied_, Brendon thought. He didn't even know why Ryan was so pissed at him. He was fine last night. More than fine, actually. Brendon smiled at the memory of Ryan squirming and whimpering beneath him.

"SONIC!" Spencer yelled from the front, snatching Brendon from his fantasy.

Jon began screaming orders into the speaker until the girl on the other end replied with "Sir, you don't have to scream; I can hear you just fine," causing the entire car to burst into giggles. 

* * *

><p>"This is horrible," stated Spencer, his face screwed up from his drink.<p>

"That what you get for ordering an orange strawberry chocolate coke," Ryan said, laughing at Spencer's reaction.

"The sign says _any_ drink combination! I wanted to be adventurous," Spencer said gesturing to the sign next to the car, trying the horrid mixture again, screwing up his face once more hoping to prepare for the disgusting liquid to invade his mouth.

"It can't be that bad, you big baby," Jon said, grabbing the cup from Spencer with a smug look. He took one sip from the cherry red straw and he looked as if he wanted to cry. Laughing, Spencer took to pointing and screaming 'I told you so!' at Jon in a high pitched sing-song voice.

"Yeah, real funny," Jon said, grabbing a handful of Spencer's fries.

"Hey!" Spencer cried out in protest.

"I have to get the taste out somehow!" Jon said, attempting to shove the entire handful into his mouth at once.

Ryan and Brendon were laughing and gasping for air while watching the two wrestling in the front seat of a car for a few fries. Brendon kept trying to catch Ryan's stare between fits of laughter. Ryan knew he was being stared at, but would definitely not cave in after he's held out so long. He hadn't talked to him all day, save the screams in the shower this morning.

"Fine! Have the damn fries!" Spencer told Jon, exhausted from the fight.

"That's okay. I was only playing," Jon said, dropping the handful of sticky, smashed fries into Spencer lap.

"You..!" Spencer yelled, unable to come up with a decent insult. He pulled Jon in for a final noogie before letting him pull back out onto the road.

Ryan was still getting out his final giggles when his phone buzzed again. It was Brendon again.

'R U mad at me?'

Ryan scoffed at gave Brendon a look that read 'No shit!'

Accepting defeat, Brendon kept to himself the rest of the way back, not even participating in Spencer and Jon's shenanigans.

"Last one in is a smelly Spencer!" Jon yelled as he ripped the key from the ignition and took off toward the bus, not even bothering to even shut the door.

"Get back here, you asshole!" Spencer shouted before running after him, leaving Ryan and Brendon alone.

Instead of bolting in after them, Ryan slowly clambered out the back seat and leaned against the warm steel door after shutting it gently. Noticing he wasn't the only one still outside, Brendon circled around the back of the Wrangler to Ryan's side. Ryan kept his gaze intense on the dry, cracked soil beneath them and dug the toe of one of his shoes in one of the deeper cracks in an attempt to distract himself from Brendon's presence and the awkward silence surrounding them. It was as if Ryan _wanted_ Brendon to say something to him. Brendon shoved his hands into his pockets and opened and closed his mouth several times, searching for the right words.

"I-" he started.

"I have to pee," Ryan blurted out before Brendon could even get his words out, and bounded off to jump into the swinging doorway of the bus, slamming the cushioned metal behind him.

Brendon nodded to himself. "I should've expected that." He balled his pocketed hands into fists. "Great. Now I'm the smelly Spencer," he muttered.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, hi everybody! Let me tell you about my day! I woke up, had a muffin, got some internet, and put on some fresh socks. Leave me pretty reviews :D I'll definitely be updating soon! ~Ember<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

"Ryan's mad at me, and I don't know why," Brendon griped at Spencer, folding his arms in a childish manner. He was laying on his back in his bunk with Spencer's head leaning over the railing, his feet using Ryan's bed as a stepping stool.

"You _sure_ you don't know why?" Spencer asked, prodding the side of Brendon's head with his finger.

"Of course, I don't know! If I knew, I wouldn't be here in _my_ bunk! I'd be down there, all snuggly in his, but PRINCESS over there won't even be in the same room with me!" Brendon yelled his last words loud enough to carry into the living room to make sure Ryan could hear him on the couch.

"Just go apologize and all will be fixed," Spencer advised, already exhausted from Brendon's childish antics.

"Bust why should I apologize for something I don't even know I did?" Brendon sat up in his bunk to scowl at Spencer, only to have it answered with an even more vicious and demeaning glare. "Alright! I'm going!" Brendon stated, jumping down from his bed in surrender.

Brendon slid open the door to the front room only to be pushed into it and to hear a small metallic clink from behind him of the tiny locking mechanism behind him. "Not cool, Spence!" Brendon said, knocking on the door that lead into the bunk room.

"I don't care! Now shut up so me and Jon can get some sleep! It's two a.m. for fuck's sake!" Spencer said as Brendon watched the light go out from under the door.

Giving into Spencer's demands for the second time in one night, he stepped away from the door. "Ryan?" Brendon said, taking a few steps closer to the couch. "Are you awake?" Ryan was laying down on the couch with his face toward the back of the couch, a blanket strewn over him. "Great. You're asleep. Now I have to sleep on the floor," Brendon threw up his hands and sat on the floor next to the sofa.

"You're not even awake to hear my apology." Brendon pouted, not caring whether Ryan could hear him or not. "I'm just really sorry, Ry. For whatever it is I did. I was probably being an idiot, like always," Brendon picked at the carpet. "I really do like you, you know. Though," Brendon laughed softly, "you _don't_ know. Because it's not like I've ever told you. Well, I'm telling you now!" Brendon trailed off, allowing his confession to be absorbed into the silent room. "I never want to lose you, Ry." Brendon reached up to grab his coat off the recliner to double as a blanket for the night. He laid down just below the couched Ryan, hoping he wouldn't get stepped on the next morning.

Ryan had stopped pretending to be asleep and rolled over onto his other side to have a look at Brendon. His jacket didn't even cover the entire of his upper body. Forgetting the reason he was mad at Brendon in the first place, he leaned down to plant a kiss on Brendon's forehead. Brendon's eyes bolted open at the touch and wrapped his arms around Ryan's neck before he had a chance to pull away.

"Ryan! You're not mad at me!" Brendon exclaimed, not caring if he woke up Jon and Spence.

"Yes, I am!" Ryan lied. "Now, get off!" he said, keeping his voice down and trying to pry Brendon's arms from around his neck.

"Then, why'd you kiss me? I've never seen anyone kiss the person they were mad at!" Brendon said with a grin glued to his face.

"I'm a complicated person!" Ryan cried out, finally escaping Brendon's grip to hide under his blanket, unable to think of a better excuse.

"Let me sleep up there with you, at least!" Brendon said rather than asked, already trying to push Ryan over to make room.

"There's no room! Go sleep in the tub!" Ryan's words muffled though the layer of fabric hiding his face from Brendon.

"What? I can't hear you with that blanket in your face," Brendon said, already halfway on the couch. Ryan pulled the blanket down just enough for his face to be shown.

"I said-" his last words were smothered by Brendon's lips.

"What were you saying?" Brendon asked in an innocent tone when their lips parted with a slight pop before nibbling at Ryan's ear.

"You..." Ryan said, hesitant to give in. "You can sleep up here, if you want," his cheeks aflame.

Brendon squealed in delight. "Now, move over!" he said, pushing Ryan over to the point where half of him was practically hanging off the edge of the couch.

"Brendon, this isn't working! I told you there wasn't room!" Ryan said trying to wiggle back into his spot. Brendon pulled Ryan on top of him so that Ryan's head was resting on Brendon's chest.

"Better?" Brendon asked.

"Better," Ryan agreed, planting another kiss upon Brendon, this time, on his lips. Brendon smiled.

"Good night, Ry," Brendon said before placing a kiss on Ryan's forehead.

"Night, Bren," Ryan added before cuddling into Brendon's chest.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you so much for reading :D I know this one's short, but I love this chapter! I wrote it at about three in the morning so sorry if it stinks xp ~Ember<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

"I want to show you something," Brendon said, pulling Ryan through the back door of the stadium and into the warm Florida night.

"Brendon, we're on in, like, three seconds," Ryan protested, trying to catch Brendon's eye while he was weaving between the cars in the small, people-less parking lot. Brendon pulled Ryan behind a nearby trailer that was a good ways from the door, but they could still hear a dull buzz of the commotion radiating from inside. Brendon finally dropped Ryan's poor imprisoned hand and leaned his back against the cool dark metal of a trailer.

"I wanted to show you the stars," he finally said, turning his gaze skyward.

"You can't even see the stars out here. There's too many lights," Ryan replied, squinting past the street lamps to stare into the darkness, trying to catch a glimpse of a shimmering star.

"I guess we'll just have to look at something else, then," Brendon's tone turned husky and Ryan could feel his warm breath ghosting over his neck. Ryan held his breath. He could feel Brendon's warm lips press against his skin and work their way up to his ear and around his jaw until Brendon placed a finger under Ryan's chin to make him turn to face him. Ryan leaned into him, trying to get as close to Brendon as possible. Their lips worked together, not in a frantic fashion as they did after the last show, but this time their moves were slow and passionate. Brendon's arms rested comfortably around Ryan's waist and Ryan's felt as if they were at home with them snaked around Brandon's neck.

"I finally found y'all!" a bodyguard exclaimed. He had been peeking around all the cars searching for them. His forefinger rested on his earpiece. "What the hell?" he added when he finally caught wind of what he just walked in on.

"Right!" Brendon said, punching the man's arm softly after he and Ryan jumped apart. "Good man! I was just helping Ryan find his car keys!" Brendon saluted the man before walking back to the back door with Ryan hurrying after him with blood stained cheeks.

With his newly earned solitude accompanied with confusion the bodyguard was left to his thoughts and his clipboard. "Yeah, they just went in," he answered into his headset when a barely coherent gurgle erupted from the bit wrapped around his ear. "Wait a minute... Ryan doesn't have a car," he mumbled to himself.

* * *

><p>"What's got you in such a great mood, giggles?" Spencer asked Ryan as they exited the stage.<p>

"What?" Ryan snapped back to reality with a smile still plastered on his face. "Oh, just happy, I guess."

"You let Brendon grope you about a million times," Spencer laughed but eyed Ryan suspiciously. "I'm glad you're happy," Spencer threw a arm around Ryan's neck. "It's a shame Satan isn't here to ruin it," Spencer finished.

"God, don't even joke," Ryan said laughing before ducking from under Spence's arm. "I'm gonna go find Bren," Ryan said, blushing a bit.

"You go have your fun. I'll be sure not to go looking for you this time," Spencer said with a wink. "I'll be in the bus."

Ryan blushed even more fiercely and laughed, throwing his gaze to the floor.

"Hey, you guys! I want you to meet someone!" Brendon's voice erupted from behind them.

It was if Ryan's worst fear had come true. _She_ was here, _again_. "What the fuck is _this_ shit?" Spencer hissed into Ryan's ear. Ryan was speechless. All the color drained from his face, leaving him a ghostly pallor.

"Spence, Ryan," Brendon nodded towards them as he called each of their names. "This is Sarah," he gestured to the dark haired beauty he had his arm wrapped around. She was wearing a gold sequined top that looked as if she had purchased it in the children's department so that her bust was exaggerated and jiggled threateningly as she walked. Along with the slutty top, she sported jeans so tight Ryan would have guessed them to be tights if he couldn't see the seams. Brendon, however, looked like he couldn't be more pleased with her appearance since he wore a grin that was probably broader than that of the Grinch directed at the bubbly bimbo on his arm who was giggling fiercely at the intro.

Unable to register his anger, Spencer turned on the spot without saying a word and exploded through the back door, heading towards the bus. Brendon's grin faded slowly as Spencer departed. Expecting several more seconds of awkwardness, Sarah broke the silence.

"I think I left my lipstick in the bathroom. I'll be right back. Nice to meet you and you're... friend," she added looking up at the door at her last words.

"What's with Spence?" Brendon asked when Sarah disappeared behind the door leading to the restroom, his voice laced with clueless worry.

"I think I might know," Ryan's voice shook.

"Ryan, are you okay?" Brendon placed his hand on each of Ryan's shoulders.

"Fine, Bren. I'll go check on Spence," Ryan's voice cracked as he shrugged off Brendon's hands and turned away. Tears gushed from his eyes as he opened the door softly to exit into the parking lot. He sulked away into the back lot, turning to look at the building behind him every few seconds, expecting to see Brendon running out after him, spilling apologies unto Ryan until he couldn't breathe anymore. When he saw it was just him in the lot, his heart sank even lower than before, if that were even possible.

Ryan was crushed. He legs transformed into jelly and it seemed like he was going to collapse. His chest felt heavy and filled with leaden bricks, yet hollow and filled with air. His head didn't even feel like it was attached to his body, and his limbs seemed to feel as if they lifted away completely from his body. Wiping his face on his sleeve and taking in a shaky breath, he opened the door to the bus. He had barely stepped into the living room before being smothered in Spencer's arms.

"I'm so sorry, Ry. I can't believe he did that again," Spencer whispered into Ryan's hair. "I don't even know how she got here."

Giving in, Ryan melted in Spencer's arms. He let the remainder of his tears fall onto Spence's shirt and was so incredibly glad Spence didn't ask how he was feeling. Ryan didn't want to talk. He wasn't even sure he was capable of words at the moment. He just wanted to cry. Then, if possible, bury his head in the ground like the cartoon ostriches. Or, at least sleep endlessly for a few days. When Ryan's hearty sobs shifted into short sniffles, he finally pulled back from Spencer.

"I'm sorry, Spence. Your shirt's ruined."

"It's okay," Spencer said, looking down and plucking at the sopping mess of a shirt. "It's Jon's," he added with a crooked smile.

Ryan scoffed out a laugh and ran his sleeve along his eyes for the second time that night. He felt better, for the time being, anyway. "I just want to go to bed."

"Alright," Spencer agreed before rubbing Ryan's shoulder. "It'll all work itself out tomorrow. You'll see," he said, watching Ryan disappear into the darkness of the bunk room. He hoped that he hadn't just lied.

* * *

><p>"Are you going to wait up for me every night?" Brendon said jokingly, jumping slightly when he noticed Spencer's presence as he stepped into the living room.<p>

"Maybe," Spencer replied flatly. "Is _she_ going to show up every night?" he glared up at Brendon.

"What's your deal with Sarah?" Brendon asked, finally catching on that she wasn't well like in the group. "Why'd you leave all pissy earlier?"

"What is she to you, exactly? Your groupie?" Spencer sat up on the couch. "Why is she here?"

"Her grandparents live in Tampa and I told her to come to the show while she was visiting." Brendon shrugged with indifference. "Can you answer _my_ questions now?" Brendon looked to Spencer, concern flickering in his eye. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm not even going to try to talk sense into you again," Spencer surrendered. "Find out on your own. I'm tired, and I'm going to bed," he rose from the couch and crossed the room to the sliding door.

"Is Ryan all right?" Brendon asked when Spencer's hand grazed the golden latch to the door.

Spencer retracted his hand from the door and turned toward Brendon. "Don't you ask if you don't fucking care," Spencer retorted angrily.

"Of course I care. You know I do," Brendon replied softly. "He seemed upset earlier. I was just wondering why."

Spencer crossed the room impetuously until the two were nose to nose. He jammed his finger into Brendon's chest. "You'd know all about that, wouldn't you, Urie?" he paused after each word to prod his finger into Brendon's torso.

"_What did I do?_"Brendon pleaded, dragging out each syllable.

"Fuck you, Urie!" Spencer shouted before disappearing in to the bunk room.

* * *

><p><strong>Ooooohh! Somebody's in trouble! Will Brendon ever stop being such a clueless asshat? Will Ryan ever tell Brendon how he feels? Did Sarah ever find her lipstick? All this and more will be answered in chapter twelve of I Could Learn To Miss You! Thank you so much for reading! ~Ember<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The following night's Spongebob was probably the most awkward episode ever. Brendon and Spencer were on either side of the couch as far apart from each other as they could possibly be while still being on the same couch with Jon snuggled tightly in the middle. There were no jokes cracked, nor any comparing of the toenails. Just silence. The only time the silence was broken was when Jon would laugh at the television then would quickly realize he was the only one chuckling like an idiot and would pipe down and shrink back into the couch.

Dying from the unbearable silence, Jon leapt up from the couch and announced he was going for a walk. Definitely not comfortable with being alone with Brendon yet, Spencer agreed to go with him.

Left alone once more, Brendon felt helpless. Spongebob has lost it's thrill with him feeling this cruddy. He glanced towards the sliding door. Behind it was Ryan. The person he wanted to see both the most and the least all wrapped into one. He wanted to apologize just so things could get back to normal. Or as normal as two guys getting down and dirty could get. Brendon grabbed fistfuls of his brown hair and groaned outwardly. He threw himself onto his side landing on the couch causing it to make a whistling deflating sound. He mashed the power button on the remote, ceasing the honking laughter of the greenish-blue squid on the television. He lay there with his hands still gripping his hair and listened to the stuffy silence of the room and the occasional small hum of traffic.

Just then, he heard soft strums from the back of the bus. He let go of his head and sat up to allow his ears to receive the delicate sounds. He stood up and started toward the back of the bus, not caring if he was still in trouble or not. He cracked the sliding door a bit to see Ryan on the floor with his acoustic in his lap and papers strewn across the thinly carpeted floor. Ryan, who's back was to the door, retrieved the pen he had been holding in his mouth to scribble some notes onto the closest paper. Waiting to slide the door into the paneling until Ryan started strumming again, Brendon stepped into the room, then closed the door behind him. He knelt down behind Ryan and wrapped his arms around his neck, allowing his hands dangle in front of his guitar. Startled at the new company, Ryan jumped, causing him to jerk his hand across the strings of his guitar, making a not so sweet of a sound.

"Relax, it's just me," Brendon whispered huskily into Ryan's ear. He brushed his lips against the prickling skin on the back of Ryan's neck before pressing his lips to his nape, sending a shiver down Ryan's spine.

"Get _off_, Brendon!" Ryan exclaimed, snapping back from his trance and jumping up from Brendon's embrace.

"I'm sorry, Ry," Brendon said, still kneeling on the ground. "About everything. I'm just so sorry."

Almost caving into Brendon's pitiful face then jolting back to anger, Ryan yelled, "You don't even know what you're apologizing for!" Determined to stay strong, Ryan continued, "I'm not just some toy you can play with when you get bored!" he huffed out, finding it harder to yell at Brendon when he looked so vulnerable.

"No! It's not like that. _I'm_ not like that," Brendon said from the floor, his begging eyes peering into Ryan's. "You _know_ that, Ry."

Standing his ground, Ryan crossed his arms, suddenly enjoying his superior position. "Just get out," Ryan said, lowering his arms and glancing at his papers on the floor. "Please!" he exclaimed and threw down his arms after a few seconds when he saw Brendon was in the same position, refusing to move.

"I'm not leaving," Brendon said, rising to his feet. "Not until you quit being mad at me."

"Fine," Ryan said, snatching up his guitar. "I'll leave."

"Ryan, wait!" Brendon said frantically, purposely obscuring his path. "You can't leave."

"Not with you standing in my way, I can't!" Ryan proclaimed. The two looked like they were dancing the way Brendon kept jumping in front of Ryan. Frustrated, and accepting defeat, Ryan turned away from the door and threw his guitar on Jon's bunk before scrambling into his, making sure his back was to Brendon.

"Ryan, how many times to I have to say it?" Brendon asked, on his knees again to become level with Ryan. "I am _sorry_!" he said, pausing after each word and dragging out the last one rather loudly into Ryan's ear.

"My _God_, Bren! Can't you just go _away_?" Ryan hissed before turning to face Brendon. The two locked eyes for the fist time since the pervious night. Brendon clambered from his knees and into Ryan's bed. Uncomfortable with the closeness, Ryan scooted as far away from Brendon as he could with his back pressed flat against the cold wall, but didn't break their stare.

"I'm sorry," Brendon said before reaching over and tracing Ryan's brow bone then dragging the back side of his hand along Ryan's cheek to his jawline. Ryan kept silent. His eyes fluttered closed at Brendon's touch. He hated how all Brendon had to do was touch him or even look at him, and it had him melting into a puddle of Ry-goo. Ryan could feel the bed shifting and could feel Brendon's soft breath on his face. Brendon's hand hooked around Ryan's neck and he pulled their foreheads together.

"I'm sorry," Brendon whispered once more before he crashed their lips together. Ryan allowed Brendon's warm, pillowy lips to work against his. He could feel his head clearing, his anger fading, his blood rushing.

"No," Ryan interrupted, pushing Brendon from him when he finally came to. "That won't work this time."

"Okay, I get it," Brendon said, detaching his hand from Ryan. "I'll leave now," he said, sitting up to leave.

"But don't leave," Ryan held Brendon's hand and pulled him back onto the bed. "Please?"

Unable to hide his grin, Brendon laid back down. "All right," he squeezed Ryan's hand. "I'll stay." Now uncomfortable with how far he was from Brendon, Ryan scooted closer until he was in Brendon's arms with his head resting on his chest. Brendon wrapped his arms around Ryan in response, placing a kiss on the crown of his head.

"This doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you," Ryan said with a smile while burying his face into the crook of Brendon neck taking in his scent. "Of course not," Brendon chuckled. "That would be silly of me to think that," he said before placing more kisses upon Ryan's head.

* * *

><p><strong>I just could't have those two mad at each other for long! Just in time for Valentine's Day, too! Thank you oh so much for reading! Just so you know, I'm giving you all super awkward hugs through my computer! 33 ~Ember<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"Ryan," Brendon whispered, poking him in the forehead. "Wake up, RyRy."

"What is it, Brendon?" Ryan questioned rolling over and out of Brendon's arms. "It's night time. Humans sleep at night," he said, his words muffled from the wall he had his nose to.

"But I want ice cream," Brendon pestered, now jabbing Ryan's back instead of his head.

"What time is it?" Ryan asked, turning slightly.

"About three in the morning," Brendon responded cheerfully.

"Nothing is open at three a.m.! Go to _sleep_!" Ryan urged before turning back to the wall.

"Fine. I'll just lay here and do dirty things to you until you're moaning at the top of your lungs," Brendon said soberly.

"Okay, let's go," Ryan said, pushing Brendon out the bed so he could get up.

"Yay! Although, I was kinda looking forward to the second option," Brendon said quietly as the walked through the sliding door.

"Shut up, and find the keys," Ryan said, trying to hold back a laugh.

"They're in the microwave," Brendon stated. "Jon wanted to see if they could glow if you set it to 'potato.'"

Ryan seized the keys from the small and probably broken yellow microwave and started toward the door. "Where are we even supposed to go?"

"Don't question my ice cream sensing powers! Just follow the tingles!" Brendon shouted.

* * *

><p>"And how are those 'tingles' coming along?" Ryan asked as he leaned over the steering wheel in exhaustion at a stop light.<p>

"I'm sensing something!" Brendon confirmed, holding his temples with his fingertips and closing his eyes. "Wait!… Nope. The tingles are broken," Brendon said collapsing onto the dashboard.

"We've been looking for an hour! I better get some damn ice cream out of this," Ryan sighed before sitting up and laying his foot on the gas as when the light signaled green.

"Maybe we're just looking for the wrong places," Brendon said leaning forward, scanning the skyline for any source of light.

"What places are we supposed to look for? Everywhere is closed!" Ryan whined hopelessly.

"Wal-Mart!" Brendon yelled, wide awake now.

"What?" Ryan sighed out when he caught sight of the only lit sign in the sky. "Oh, fuck it. To Wal-Mart!" he screamed out before speeding off toward the sign.

"To Wal-Mart!" Brendon echoed, pointing his hand at the silhouetted building as if a captain would at land.

"It's so empty." Brendon observed as they pulled into the parking lot. "Take up five spaces, just because we can!" Brendon yelled.

"There's no way this puny car could take up that many spaces," Ryan giggled.

"You know what they say: small car, big dic-" Ryan's hand smothered Brendon's mouth before he could complete his thought.

"Please don't finish that sentence," Ryan laughed.

"Don't worry, you'll find out what I'm talking about later," Brendon replied with a waggle of his brow.

"Perv," Ryan stated before hopping out of the car.

Brendon barked out a laugh then climbed out from the passenger seat. He jumped over the railing to the shopping cart rack and grabbed the nearest basket and presented it to Ryan. "Your chariot awaits."

"I'm not getting in there," Ryan laughed before looking around for any witnesses.

"Please? I'll give you a massage... If ya know what I mean," Brendon said, nudging Ryan with his elbow.

"I'll get in if you just shut up," Ryan said giggling before climbing into the rickety basket.

"High ho, Silver!" Brendon belted out before bolting off into the stores, just barely missing the electronic doors. "To the frozen deliciousness!" he screamed out, turning sharply into the grocery section. The tired and angry looking women with the elaborate hairnets behind the bakery counter glared up at them when Brendon zoomed past with a screaming Ryan riding in the basket. Ryan's knuckles were white from gripping the edge of the wired cart. The thin rubber wheels squealed beneath him at the sharp turns Brendon risked into each aisle with a freezer. "Jackpot!" Brendon yelled when they rolled into an aisle lined with freezers. "You go get the stuff and I'll get the ice cream," he called to a shaky Ryan, who was carefully climbing out of the tormented basket. Ryan could have sworn he had heard it sigh in relief when they stopped.

"Mint, vanilla, chocolate, cookies n' cream..." Brendon whispered to himself, observing all the options. "There's too many damn choices! How is one supposed to relieve his ice cream needs?" he yelled at no one in particular.

"Just get neapolitan," Ryan sounded from the end of the aisle with his arms filled with all the ice cream fixings one could dream of.

"Fucking genius, Ry!" Brendon beamed before reaching in to grab a large carton of neapolitan. Ryan placed all the ice cream's accessories in the basket, hoping they would take up enough space so Brendon won't make him ride in it again.

"Can we go home now?" Ryan pleaded. Brendon glanced around the aisle.

"Wait, I have to do something," he replied and headed to the nearest freezer. He opened it and pressed his backside to the inside glass of the freezer door, leaving a clear wet spot where his ass had been. He wrote 'Brendon' above it and 'Ryan' just below the misshapen butt print.

"'Brendon butt Ryan' Aw, Bren. You butt me? Do you really mean it?" Ryan asked childishly.

"It kinda looks like a heart. But it's my ass," Brendon said, smiling proudly.

"What the fuck ever, let's just get out of here before the hairnet ladies over there start throwing donuts at us," Ryan gestured with his thumb over his shoulder to the bakery counter.

* * *

><p>"Why are we stopping?" Brendon questioned as Ryan pulled onto the side of the road.<p>

"You want to go back to the bus and risk Spence and Jon waking up to steal our ice cream?" Ryan said, reaching into one of the bags on the back seat to pull out the half-gallon carton of deliciousness.

"Once again, you're a fucking genius, Ry," Brendon said with a broadening smile, causing the tips of Ryan's ears to tint a pinkish red.

"Don't eat that," Ryan stated after tossing Brendon the freezing cardboard carton. "You need a spoon," Ryan sighed when taking notice of Brendon's terrified face, and handed him a clear plastic spoon from a box he pulled from one of the shopping bags.

"Don't forget the nuts. Oh, and the chocolate!" Brendon exclaimed through a naked spoonful of chocolate ice cream as Ryan squirted swirls of caramel into the carton.

"Shit," Ryan mumbled when the small bit of chocolate syrup dribbled onto the pajama bottoms he didn't bother changing out of. Brendon dug through the glove compartment and fished out an old napkin leftover from a last fast food run. Ryan, thinking Brendon was handing it to him, held out his hand to grab the thin napkin.

"No," Brendon said, "let me." He lowered his hand to the chocolate spot at wiped the blob from Ryan's cartoon adorned pants.

"Uh," Ryan stuttered. "Brendon?"

"Just relax," Brendon said with a mischievous smirk. He discarded the soiled napkin by tossing it to the floor. He returned his hand back to Ryan's lap, caressing his thigh while leaning in to press their lips together. Ryan arched into the kiss, parting his legs slightly to allow Brendon to carry on. Smiling into the kiss, Brendon continued up Ryan's thigh and ran his hand over the slight bulge in Ryan's pajamas. Brendon's lips traveled up Ryan's face and clamped around his earlobe as he palmed Ryan's hardening naughty place, earning a gasp from Ryan.

"We should go," Brendon said, quickly pulling away, returning to his own seat.

Just getting the sense of the feeling Elmer Fudd experienced so many times when Bugs tricked him into walking off a cliff, Ryan started the car, trying his best to hide his face. "Right, yeah," he agreed, trying to dissemble the hurt tone in his voice and shifting awkwardly to hide a certain other thing.

Ryan was the first to jump out of the car when they pulled up alongside the bus. He didn't care if the just opened and barely touched ice cream was going to melt and spoil in the backseat of Brendon's car. He flung open the door, desperate to get back to sleep and put an end to his embarrassment. He was almost to the sliding door when he felt Brendon's warm hand encircle his wrist.

"Wait," Brendon protested. "We could at least finish what we started." Brendon smiled and pulled Ryan toward the couch.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks so much for reading! Leave me pretty reviews :D ~Ember<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen

"Hey, Joe!" Brendon yelled from the dining table. "Where are we?" Brendon and Ryan were in the middle of a heated game of 'Go Fish'. Ryan was winning with five pairs and Brendon losing horribly with a hand full of cards but not a single pair.

"I don't know, to be honest. I'm just following the road marked on the map." Joe, the band's tour bus driver, yelled over his shoulder.

Brendon threw down his playing cards, abandoning Ryan and the game, and darted to the front to sit in the passenger seat. He snatched the map from Joe's hand and propped his feet up on the thinly cushioned dashboard. "This place isn't even on the map," Brendon observed, staring out the window at the passing scenery of the small town.

"Joe! Can we stop?" Jon pleaded from the faux leather recliner. "I've always wanted to visit a small town like this!"

"Just stop now so he'll stop whining," Spencer said, patting Joe's shoulder and adding a chuckle.

"Alright boys, but just for a few minutes. I'm just making just one stop! We have a schedule to stick to!" Joe said while waving his thick, sausage-shaped finger threateningly while searching for a place he could possibly park an RV at.

"Yeah, yeah," Jon said, waving his hand dismissively. "Stop here!" he yelled out, startling poor Joe. " You can just drive around the block for a few hours."

"I'll circle the block for fifteen minutes," Joe corrected Jon. "You boys better be back here in this exact spot when I come back!" he boomed after the group as they jumped out of the bus as if they haven't been on solid ground in years. "I'm getting to old for this shit," Joe said, shaking his head, quoting his favorite movie as the door slammed shut.

"There's hardly anyone here," Ryan said after the bus moved itself from the middle of the road so he could get a better view of the place. The street was lined with little shops and a few pedestrians staring at them, trying to determine why such a huge vehicle was just on their small avenue. Some shops had cutesy wooden signs hanging above their entrances, some had boxes of flowers of all decaying phases, and Ryan could've sworn he saw one shop with a giant unicorn painted on one of the front windows.

"Let's go get some small town food!" Jon said, motioning everyone to follow him into the market.

"You guys go ahead. Me and Ry'll go check out small town clothes," Brendon said, smiling at the sight of Jon sniffing the lemons the store had set out in front of the store. Spencer sighed before turning to, no doubt, try to control Jon from sniffing any other produce. "Let's go," Brendon said, grabbing Ryan's hand and racing across the street to the unpretentious clothing store.

A bell jangled as they opened the door, awakening the cashier. The side of her face was reddened from sleeping on the hard counter, her makeup slightly smeared. She ran her fingers through her fluffy blue-black hair and adjusted the green bow pinned in it just so. Her eyes seemed to brighten when she was finally awake enough to look up at her new customers. "Welcome! Have a look around and just holler if you need help," she said with her grin broadening when she made eye contact with Ryan.

Oblivious, Ryan shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets and turned his gaze to the store. It mostly had racks of 'mom' jeans and t-shirts with witty sayings, some of which should not be read by children.

Brendon began digging through one of the clearance racks and pulled out a couple of t-shirts. "Help me try these on," Brendon said, grabbing Ryan's wrist for the second time and dragged him to the dressing rooms.

"I think you're more than capable of trying on clothes by yourself. It's pretty cramped in here," Ryan said, trying to slide out the room.

"Are you kidding?" Brendon asked, wide-eyed as he grabbed Ryan's upper arm firmly. "Didn't you see Ms. Hungry Eyes out there? How would you feel if I let some crazed fangirl eat you alive?"

"Sorry?" Ryan said, blushing slightly.

"Damn right, you'd be sorry," Brendon said, sliding his hand down the length of Ryan's arm and letting it rest as a soft bracelet around his wrist and leaned over to click the push lock on the handle of the dressing room door. "Now," Brendon said, withdrawing his hand from Ryan's to hold up the two shirts he had rummaged from the clearance heap, "which one goes best with my eyes?" he asked, batting his eyelashes causing an embarrassed giggle to surface from Ryan

A loud rapping knock rattled the loosely hinged door. "Hey, quit blowing each other so we can go!" Jon's voice erupted from the other side. "Joe's getting restless."

Brendon smiled and placed a haste kiss upon Ryan's lips before throwing the door open. "But things were just getting good!" Brendon whined before wiping the sides of his mouth with the back of his hand causing he and Jon to laugh uncontrollably.

Ryan let out a breathy laugh and slid out of the compact room. Heading toward the front of the shop, Ryan could see Spencer talking to an old woman. Ryan could tell from her disgruntled expression, that she'd be raising the umbrella she was clutching so tightly and beating Spence on the head with it soon. Ryan smirked to himself and shook his head.

"You're Ryan Ross, right?" a soft voice sounded from behind Ryan.

"What?" Ryan said, trying to look taken aback. "N-no," he stuttered out. "I've heard of him, though. A real ponce from what I've heard," he said before rolling his eyes and scoffing.

"Don't be silly!" the girl beamed and swatted at Ryan's chest playfully. "We hardly ever see famous people around here. Or anybody worth mentioning, really," she rocked on her feet, trying to step closer to Ryan. "We did have the Oscar Meyer truck pass though here once, but it drove by so quick that no one could catch it."

"It's a shame you had to miss out on those wieners," Ryan chuckled, his immaturity getting the best of him.

"There you are, darling!" Brendon shouted from the back of the store, his arms opened wide. "I can't leave you out of my sight for a second!" he said, draping an arm around Ryan's thin shoulders before tossing his head back to bark an unnecessarily loud laugh. "But we really must be going now," Brendon said, more directed to the cashier this time.

Ryan nodded and let Brendon steer them toward the door. "Nice meeting you!" he quickly hollered over his shoulder to the confused girl as they walked out the glass doors.

"Yeah, a real charm," Brendon growled beside Ryan. He tore his arm from Ryan and ran ahead to jump into the bus. Spencer followed after, rubbing a newly formed lump on his head. Ryan turned to motion Jon to hurry before bounding up the steps of the RV.

"What the hell took you so long, Jon? Spencer asked from the couch, balancing a bag of frozen peas on his head that he'd found abandoned in the RV's freezer. He reached into the fridge and retrieved an orange soda.

"Bren said I dropped my pocket so I had to look for it," Jon replied before dropping onto the rotating recliner. "Wait..." he said feeling the front then the back of his pants. "Ohhh! Clever Brendon, clever." he shouted, finally getting the joke.

"So what's her name?" Brendon asked from the fridge, retrieving a root beer.

"Who?" Ryan retorted breathlessly after he and Spencer finished guffawing.

"The girl inside. You were flirting, weren't you?" Brendon mumbled over his can.

"You talked to a real-life girl?" Spencer blurted out, throwing down his peas to tousle Ryan's hair. "Aw! Little Ry-Ry's got himself a girlfriend!"

"She just recognized me, is all," Ryan said after prying Spence's hands from his head. "Not some crazed fangirl, thankfully," he added and looked up at Brendon, the grin still painted on his face.

"I say she's got the hots for out little Ryan! What do you say Jon? That scarlet woman'll deflower our innocent Ryan!" Spencer said pulling Ryan into a strangling hug and pinching his cheeks.

"We'll protect you from the evil wench, Ryan!" Jon yelled then jumped on the couch, squishing both Ryan and Spencer. Ryan let out a strangled cry and squirmed to the top of the pile. The three jumped when they heard the sliding door slam shut, the grins quickly faded from their faces.

"What's eating him?" Jon asked, sitting up so that he was perched on Spencer's lap.

"Dunno," Ryan said while crawling over Jon's outstretched legs and stood up. "I'll go see." He straightened his clothes and started for the sliding door. "Bren?" he asked after gently rapping his knuckles in the paneled-over particle wood. "You alright?" he said as he slid the door open and stepped inside, testing the air and slid it shut behind him.

"So what was her name?" Brendon sounded from his bunk, his back turned to Ryan.

"I didn't ask," Ryan shrugged sauntered over to Brendon's bunk. He used his own bunk as a step to hoist himself up to lean his upper half on Brendon's bed. "What's the matter?"

Brendon mashed a few more buttons on his phone before snapping it shut. He turned and cupped Ryan's face with his hands and pressed their lips together. "You got her number, then?" Brendon stared imploringly into Ryan's eyes after pulling away from the kiss before either of them had a chance to deepen it.

"Brendon?" Ryan smirked. "Are you jealous?" he asked, trying his best to stifle a laugh.

Brendon scoffed and pushed Ryan's face away. "You wish!" he sputtered before laying down with his back toward Ryan once again.

"You totally are!" Ryan said, a smug tone laced his words. "Aren't you, Urie?" Ryan hopped onto Brendon's bunk and prodded his side.

Flinching against Ryan's touch, Brendon retorted," I am not jealous! And don't use my last name. Spencer calls me that when I'm in trouble." He blushed slightly at his last words.

"Fine," Ryan said with an evil grin quickly spreading across his gentle features. "I'll just give Tessa a call, then."

Brendon turned so fast that he probably had whiplash the next morning. "What?"

"You know, the girl with the bow?" Ryan said, cocking his head a bit to the side.

"You said you didn't get her number!" Brendon spat, " Or her name!"

"Well, I did," Ryan said innocently, biting the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling. "Got a problem with it?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

Brendon lay there opening and closing his mouth, failing to come up with a reply. Ryan thought he wore a strong resemblance to that of a fish.

"Do what you want, Ryan," he said before turning with his back to Ryan yet again. "I couldn't care less."

Ryan giggled. "I was only joking, Bren," he said, prodding Brendon's side again. "Honest! I barely said three words to the girl!"

"Get out, Ross," Brendon growled.

"The use of my last name? That must mean I'm in trouble," Ryan purred laying down behind Brendon, placing his head upon Brendon's shoulder. "You're prettier than her anyway."

"It's not funny," Brendon said soberly.

"It's not my fault you got jealous over nothing," Ryan whispered against Brendon's neck before pressing his lips against the tender skin.

Brendon shivered under the touch. "Quit it, Ry."

"So I'm not in trouble any more?" Ryan asked in a low whisper. He let his hand rest om Brendon's hip then clamped his mouth over Brendon's earlobe. Brendon squirmed beneath Ryan.

"I mean it, Ryan," Brendon whined.

"Mm-hmm," Ryan hummed in agreement. He snaked his hand into Brendon's shirt, letting it caress his toned chest. Ryan returned to Brendon's neck and sucked at the sensitive skin. He knew what spots made Brendon scream if treated correctly, and he knew just how to treat them. He pecked the reddened spot on Brendon's neck before sinking his teeth in, marking Brendon as his own. Brendon gasped and arched his back before flipping around to face Ryan. He mashed their lips together in an almost bruising kiss.

"How the hell am I supposed to be mad at you when you're doing _that_ to me?" Brendon whispered, pulling their foreheads together and closing his eyes.

"I told you you were jealous," Ryan said, backing away with a smug grin.

"Where do you think you're going, Ross?" Brendon asked, pulling Ryan close again. "I'm not done with you yet," he added huskily.

* * *

><p>"Hey isn't this Ryan's phone?" Spencer asked, reaching down into the man-eating couch to retrieve the discarded sidekick.<p>

"Probably," Jon said from Spencer's lap. He reached behind him and snatched the soda out of Spencer's hand.

Enticed with his new find, Spencer barely noticed his missing soda. He glanced back at the sliding door to make sure the coast was clear and slid the phone open. At first, he was just going to nose through his pictures if he had anything worth blackmailing, but then the thing went off and almost vibrated out of his hand. Startled, Spencer flinched and threw his gaze back to the sliding door, as if Ryan could have heard it. Satisfied with the stillness of the back room, Spencer decided to open the message, or at least see who it was from. His brow pinched in confusion when he saw the name 'Bren' light up the screen. He pressed the 'open' option and had to bite his tongue to keep from gasping.

"You want your soda back?" Jon sounded from Spencer's lap.

Remembering Jon's presence, Spencer answered, "No, that's cool. I'll get another later." He slide the phone closed and slipped it into his pocket before turning his attention to the moving scenery outside the window.

* * *

><p><strong>Oooh, a mystery! Happy Tuesday, everyone! Thank you all so much for reading :) Reviews are love, leave me some! ~Ember<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

"We've got every flavor known to man!" Brendon said as he bounded into the bus carrying an armload of cup holders packed with slushies.

"And three known only to koalas," Spencer added and followed Brendon in. His arms were slightly more full and he struggled to keep his balance when he boarded the bus.

"Alright! Let's roll, Joe!" Brendon yelled from the table where he was carefully unloading the beverages. Joe merely grunted a confirmation before easing back out into traffic. Brendon lined up five drinks of different color and began sucking each straw with gusto. "What color is it?" Brendon shook out his brain-freeze and stuck out his tongue.

"Kinda looks like a mix of shit brown and baby throw up green," Spencer observed, placing his hand under his chin, giving him an appearance of deep thought.

"Hm," Brendon grunted while sipping a cherry slush. "Tasty combination."

"Try the coke-lime-blue combo," Spencer retorted as he lined up more drinks for Brendon.

"I don't think 'blue' is a flavor," Ryan butted in, observing their antics.

"Jon, get over here and try this!" Brendon gestured for Jon to join their slush party, leaving Ryan's comment unnoticed. Jon slurped down the first cups he encountered, making his eyes squint shut and mouth pucker until it looked like he didn't have one at all.

"Yeah, the lemon-Powerade-redbull doesn't go down well," Spencer said, agreeing with Jon's grunts. "How's you're tongue though?"

Jon rolled out his tongue revealing his greenish colored organ. "Your turn, Ryan!" Jon shouted after he regained function of his mouth.

"Maybe just one," Ryan said, giving in quite easily.

"Here. Grape-cherry-coconut," Spencer said, handing him three random cups.

Ryan looked nervously around the table before gulping down five sips of each. "That's horrible!" Ryan screeched.

"Your tongue!" Brendon shouted before Ryan had the chance to run into the bathroom to chug mouthwash. Ryan stuck out his blackish dyed tongued and recoiled in when he thought the three were satisfied with his color and grabbed a napkin, trying to scrub the colored layer off his tainted tongue.

Three hours and about a zillion horrible slushy combinations later, all four of them decided they had tortured themselves enough and to call it quits. The group were slouched in the chairs, trying to recuperate when Brendon bolted up and ran to the front, yelling at Joe, "How's my breath?" He opened his mouth wide and shoved his face in Joe's before blowing hotly.

"Like a piñata just took a huge shit in your mouth," Joe said, trying his best to keep his eyes on the road and draw his head back in disgust at the same time. He waved his hand in front of his face, determined to make the stench disappear.

Pleased with the reply, Brendon straightened up and turned back to the table with his guffawing band mates.

"There's still a bit left of everything," Ryan said when the giggles receded, peering into the cups. "It's all melted." He swirled the colored liquid in the cup.

"I have an idea," Spencer said, his smirk soon turning malice.

"I'm out!" Jon announced, thowing up his hands in surrender before making his way to the bunks. "Ideas that start with you looking like that always end up with me in a bad situation." Jon disappeared behind the sliding door mumbling something about mall security and paintballs.

"Wimp!" Spencer shouted after Jon. He rose from his chair and dug through the small kitchen cabinet and retrieved a plastic cup the size of Brendon's head. He began pouring all the leftover bits of slushy into the insanely large cup until it was almost filled to the brim. Ryan had to hold it steady so the motion of the RV wouldn't slosh it all out.

"Someone's got to drink it," Spencer stated as he sat back down.

"No way am I drinking this garbage juice," Ryan said, shaking his head while still clutching onto the cup.

Brendon scoffed. "I bet I could drink this in fifteen seconds!" He said leaning over the table, glaring into Spencer's eyes.

"I bet you can't," Spencer said, leaning over so he and Brendon were almost nose to nose.

"This won't end well," Ryan mumbled to himself, trying to shrink into his seat. He let his hands slide away from the cup, hoping Joe won't make a sudden turn and splashing them all with sticky slushie juice.

"Fine. Let's bet," Brendon said confidently. "If I win, you have to make out with a crazed fan."

Ryan bolted upright in his chair. "Who's a guy!" Ryan chimed in accidentally. He answered Spencer's glare with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Spence."

"That'll be hilarious!" Brendon said, clapping his hands on his knees and doubling over in laughter.

"Fine," Spencer grimly agreed. "But if _I_ win, You have to go on a date with Ryan," Spencer said with a smirk. Ryan and Brendon glanced at each other, trying not to appear positively delighted at the idea of them finally getting some time alone.

"Deal," Brendon said, breaking his stare from Ryan and throwing out his hand for Spencer to shake it in agreement.

"I didn't finish," Spencer said darkly. "You have to go on a date with Ryan... Dressed as a woman," he finished with a rather large grin that resembled that of the Cheshire Cat.

While Ryan's face tensed and eyes widened, Brendon barked out a laugh and took Spencer's extended hand in for a shake. "Deal!" he screamed when he was able to breathe again.

Ryan slid down in his seat and wished he wouldn't just sink into his chair, but become it. No one would ever bother a chair. He could just go through the rest of his life as a chair, doing chair things, thinking chair thoughts. "Please don't lose," Ryan pulled Brendon down by his sleeve and whispered a beg in his ear. Brendon simpered, and answered him with a wink. Ryan prayed to God, Buddha, and every other religious boss he could think of that it was a good wink.

Spencer grabbed a the red straw from one of the discarded cups and placed it in the cup of what looked like liquid evil. Brendon shook out his arms and cracked his neck before leaning over the cup and taking the straw between his lips.

"Ready?" Spencer asked, receiving a curt nod from Brendon, he started the stopwatch on his phone. "Go!" he screamed and thrusted his finger out toward Brendon.

Brendon gulped down the concoction as if it were water. He downed more than half of it before the ten second mark. He showed no signs of slowing until he was at the very bottom with probably no more than two centimeters of liquid left. The clock was at thirteen seconds. Brendon sent a sideways glance to Ryan and stopped drinking. Ryan sent Brendon a pleading look, darting his eyes between him and the cup. Spencer was too busy watching the clock to notice Brendon purposely throw the competition.

"Time!" Spencer screamed. "_You lose_! You didn't drink it all!" Spencer yelled and began dancing around the kitchen singing a song that could only be named 'Brendon's a Loser Who Has to Wear a Dress, Nah Nah Nah.'

Ryan dropped his head onto the table and banged his fist softly on the surface. Brendon sat up and finished the rest of the fluid as if he enjoyed the mixture.

"Wasn't all that bad," Brendon said to Ryan while setting the cup down on the table.

"You did that on purpose," Ryan growled when he finally removed his forehead from the table.

"Relax," Brendon patted Ryan's shoulder. "You said I was pretty, didn't you?" Brendon said with a grin which only caused Ryan to drop his head back onto the table, with more force this time.

"I'm going to bed," Ryan said somberly. Brendon waved his hand dismissively as he watched Ryan trudge on through the sliding door and close it behind him.

"So have you decided what you're to wear?" Spencer asked with a grin that had 'Cheshire Cat' painted all over it.

"I'll just wear one of your dresses," Brendon joked, chewing on the red straw he had just drank out of.

"You don't seem too broken up about having to humiliate yourself ," Spencer observed, shrinking his grin.

"Well?" Brendon shrugged and leaned back in his chair.

"So you do, then?" Spencer asked, his grin completely gone now.

"Do what?" Brendon asked, dropping his chair so that all four legs were on the ground now.

Spencer pulled Ryan's phone from his pocket. "He hasn't seen the message. I've had it since yesterday. I'm actually surprised he hasn't noticed it missing." He placed it in the middle of the table for Brendon to take. "It's usually glued to his hand." He had a knowing look about him. "I guess he doesn't seem to notice when he's got you distracting him."

"Oh," was all that Brendon said, his face void of all emotions.

"I don't want you telling him that shit if you don't mean it. It's one thing to do it on stage, but there's a line here. You're screwing with his head. Either tell him and mean it or drop the entire act."

"It's not an act," Brendon snapped immediately.

Spencer paused and softened his expression. "Then I leave you to your thoughts," Spencer said before getting up and making his way through the sliding door.

Brendon sat there, hunched over the phone, trying to decipher his thoughts. They were so clear to him yesterday, what was the problem now? He slid open the plastic rectangle and scrolled to open Ryan's messages. He opened the one he had received from himself last night right before Ryan climbed into his bunk. He started at thee black words typed onto the gleaming white screen. He read them over at least twelve times, but they were still foggy in his mind. He had a hard time believing that only a few words could turn his head into a complete mess. 'I love you.'

Brendon thumbed over the 'end' button to just leave the message there, waiting for Ryan to open it. Then he scrolled over to the 'delete' option. His stomach felt like the combinations of slushy had just turned to stone and was pulling him down into middle-earth. His arms felt like they weren't even there. He chewed at the bottom right corner of his lip. He brought his hand up to his face and ran his finger along his lip. He could almost feel Ryan still on them.

He smiled at the thought of him and Ryan together. He laughed quietly when he recalled the things he could make Ryan do. He loved the way he could make him squirm and almost scream beneath him. He snapped himself back to reality and stared at the message for what felt like the three hundredth time that night. All he had to do was click a button... But which one? Brendon felt his hands go slack and the phone clattered back down onto the table. He grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled until his scalp felt numb. He laid his head next to the still glowing phone and stared at the words at a different angle. He let his fingers play at the buttons, not pressing any, but just sliding his fingers over them.

He loved how Ryan looked in the morning. Especially when he woke up next to him. They've probably only slept separately once this week, and that was only for thirty minutes until Ryan couldn't take the isolation and climbed up into Brendon's bed. Spencer's voice was still echoing in his head. 'Tell him and mean it, or drop the entire act.' It definitely wasn't an act. Ryan didn't 'act' like he liked being with Brendon. And Brendon sure didn't 'act' like he didn't absolutely love it when Ryan'd face lit up when they were together. This was anything but an act.

Brendon poised his finger over the button, closed his eyes, and pressed. He opened them only to have the words 'Delete msg: Are You Sure?' staring up at him. Brendon yelled out loud. Even the damn phone was doubting him? He mashed the 'yes' option and threw the damned thing until it sunk into the couch.

"Night, Joe!" Brendon yelled before disappearing behind the sliding door. Brendon must've been out there for a while because everyone was already in their bunk with the lights off. He shed his pants and threw them in the middle of the floor, not caring where they landed. He felt his way to his bunk, trying not to acknowledge Ryan's existence. He climbed into bed in his boxers and covered himself up with the blanket so that only his feet were exposed like the wicked witch in 'The Wizard of Oz.' He only wished a house would land on him. A house could probably crush all his problems, along with his spine, ribs, and every other bone in his body. He shifted uncomfortably for a few minutes in his bunk, then decided he couldn't stand it any more. He rolled down from his bunk and leaned over into Ryan's.

"Ryan?" he questioned the silent lump in Ryan's bed. With his eyes adjusted, he could make out a blurry outline of Ryan. He crawled into the tiny twin-sized bed beside Ryan and snuggled up against the warmth of his back. He wrapped an arm around Ryan and took hold of Ryan's hand. He pressed his lips against the back of Ryan's neck before laying his head on the pillow next to Ryan's head. He could feel Ryan flip over and face him. Not caring if he was even awake or not, he pressed his lips against Ryan's for a real kiss this time.

Ryan let out an ear shattering wail and shimmied away from Brendon until his back was pressed to the wall. "Your breath _does_ smell like piñata shit!"

* * *

><p><strong>So, so, SO sorry I took so long to update! *puts on armor* Let the stoning begin. Update coming soon, I promise! ~Ember<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

"You can come out any time, ya know," Spencer said, before uncrossing his arms and standing up straight from the cabinet behind him. He had spent weeks looking or the perfect dress for Brendon for the occasion. He wanted something that would maybe pass him off as a broad as long as no one looked at him for more than half a second, but still added the right amount of humiliation.

"I can't believe you're actually making him go through with this," Ryan sounded from below Spencer. He sat with his elbows hooked around his knees, his back against the cabinet, his eyes glued to the bathroom door.

Spencer crossed his arms once more and leaned back against the mirrored cabinet. "He's been in there an hour," Spencer stated, glancing at the smiling cat clock that was hanging on the wall. Sometimes, at night, Jon would turn the volume dial up to the max, allowing the clock to mew loudly and bat it's paw every hour.

"Maybe he snuck out though the window," Jon said while making his way from the bunk room to the kitchen. "If he managed to squeeze his ass through the window, that is." He chuckled while digging his teeth into his orange, attempting to peel it, earning a soft snicker from Spence. Spencer plucked the fruit from between Jon's teeth and peeled it properly before placing it back in Jon's mouth. He muttered a thank you and directed his attention to the bathroom door.

"You guys better say I'm pretty!" Brendon finally said from behind the lavatory door.

"Yeah, yeah. Just get your happy ass out here!" Jon replied back through a mouthful of orange. The handle made a semi-circle and the three shifted, readying themselves for whatever may appear behind it. He cracked the door just enough for the guys to see a sliver of bathroom between the frame and the door.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Spencer shouted, throwing his hand in the air, "Just open the damn door!" He stepped forward and shoved the door back until he head a solid '_thunk_' and an unpleasant sounding Brendon.

"Alright!" Brendon surrendered. He opened the door fully and allowed his audience the full view. His pink, sequined dress cut off above mid-thigh and reflected the fluorescent light bounding down from the bathroom ceiling every time he moved. Atop the dress was a fluffy, short-sleeved, half-sweater with an embroidered daisy on the upper left corner. He had even dusted his cheeks with a powder pink blush and behind his thick rimmed glasses fluttered mascara-painted lashes. He could have probably passed for an awkward teenaged girl with a boy cut at first glance.

Ryan's head fell between his legs and Jon and Spencer's stoic faces cracked into broad grins and the silence morphed into sputtering laughter.

"You guys will never guess how much hair just came off my body just now," Brendon said, joining in on the laughter.

"You didn't have to shave!" Ryan said, finally squinted up, Brendon's dress shining in his eyes.

"What's done is done," Brendon pronounced. "Feel my pits! They're as smooth as a baby's ass!" He raised his limbs high above his head to expose his underarms and leaned down to Ryan, shoving his armpits in his face.

"Get those things away from me!" Ryan exclaimed, trying to keep a serious tone. He rolled from under Brendon and ran passed Jon, who was groping the wall in an urgent attempt to steady himself from falling onto the floor in a fit of giggles, and fled into the living room. He leapt onto the couch, hoping to escape Brendon's pits beneath the squashy cushion. Brendon's miniature heels clacked the linoleum floor as he ran across the kitchen floor after Ryan.

"Wait!" Spencer said, running in after them, his voice breathless from laughter. "Just a few more finishing touches." He extracted a floppy pink hat from the microwave and pulled out a tube of lipstick from his pocket. Ryan smothered his face with a pillow in effort to conceal his laughter.

"What do you think?" Brendon turned and asked Ryan, posing suggestively and pouting his lips.

"Pretty," Ryan remarked, a slight smile playing at his lips before completely exploding into hearty guffaws.

* * *

><p>Brendon walked into the restaurant, tumbling a bit in his low heels, with his shoulders slumped and arms swaying by his sides like a gorilla.<p>

"You could at least act like a woman," Ryan sighed into his palm after raising it to his face for the zillionth time that night.

"Why make it what it's not? We're just a couple of heterosexuals heterosexing it up," Brendon said, his normal voice seeming way too low to match his appearance.

"Yeah, says the guy in the clown makeup and lace panties," Ryan hissed before stepping up to the podium to be seated. The hostess, who obviously hated her job, sighed loudly and saw them to a small booth near the back of the restaurant, which Ryan was happy for. The less people who saw him and Bren, the better.

"Damn, this place is fancy!" Brendon said loudly, leaning forward and shoving a handful of croutons that had came in the complimentary salad in his mouth, taking the appearance of an ill-mannered drag queen.

"Your... order?" the waiter butted in and absorbed the odd couple at the table, a heavy French accent pouring from his lips.

"Just the special, thanks," Ryan said, almost throwing his menu at the waiter while trying to hide his hastily blushing face.

"And for you," he turned his judging stare to Brendon. He lifted an eyebrow and stared at the face beneath the oversized hat. "...ma'am?"

"What he said," Brendon mumbled through a mouthful. He added a quick smile and a feminine nod of his head when he remember he was supposed to be a woman. The man merely grunted and turned up his nose to return to the kitchens. "What a dick," Brendon said when he finally managed to choke down the croutons.

"This was a bad idea." Ryan dropped his head onto the table. "I'm going to kill Spencer when we get back," he muttered into the tablecloth.

"Just relax and enjoy the evening, darling," Brendon voiced, sounding incredibly like Esmerelda from _Bewitched_. Ryan scowled into the table linens and shook his head. Brendon chuckled and slid over onto the seat beside Ryan. Ryan ignored the shifting seat and Brendon's warmth on his shoulder and continued to rest his head on the table.

"Come on, Ry," Brendon whispered huskily in Ryan's ear and ran his smoothed leg against Ryan's. Satisfied with Ryan's instantly pinked ears, Brendon smirked and pressed his lips against Ryan's neck.

"Brendon, stop," Ryan's words were muffled by the table. He flung out his hand closest to Brendon.

"Your mouth says no, but your body," he reached his hand over to rest on Ryan's warm thigh and began to inch upward, "it says yes." He clamped his lips over Ryan's ear. Ryan bolted upright and started shoving Brendon out the booth so he could get out.

"We're leaving." Brendon almost fell on his ass when he staggered to his feet. "Now!" Ryan half-yelled and continued to push Brendon.

"What the fuck, Ryan?" Brendon asked after losing one of his shoes, the situation finally dawning on him.

"Just go!" Ryan said from behind Brendon, his hands still on his back, directing him out the door and through the parking lot. Ryan dropped his hands and jumped into the Jeep. He revved the engine and floored the gas before Brendon was even all the way in the car.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Ry! Can you stop driving like a menstrual teenager now?" Brendon shouted at Ryan when he drove directly through a four-way stop, pissing off two old ladies and a crossing pedestrian. Brendon couldn't have been happier for the invention of seat belts. Ryan screeched into a vacant church parking lot and stomped on the brake. "What the fu-mmph," Brendon's last words were smothered by Ryan's lips. Ryan hooked his hand around Brendon's neck, bringing them closer. Brendon's hand rose up to rest on Ryan's jaw. Ryan turned to kneel on his seat, creating an angle to deepen the kiss. Brendon gasped for breath when he was finally able to pull away. "Don't you feel bad for doing this in a church parking lot?" Ryan busied himself with Brendon's neck, leaving a trail of fresh hickeys from his ear to his jaw.

"If this makes you feel bad, you'll feel horrible in a few minutes," he said as he climbed over onto Brendon's lap, straddling him, and clicked off his seat belt.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you all so much for reading :) I told you I'd update soon! Leave me some pretty reviews ~Ember<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

Brendon stared at the floor from atop the dresser. His arms wrapped around his knees that were brought up and hugged tightly to his chest, his chin resting on his kneecaps. He picked at a thread hanging from the toe of his sock and drummed his restless fingers on the tops of his feet. He huffed out a breath and looked up at the perfectly still Ryan from across the room.

Ryan was lying face-up on his bunk with a large scarlet leather bound book held above his face. The golden edged pages glinted in the light of the bunk-room when Ryan turned them. Brendon sighed loudly before turning his attention to the small panda bear Jon had placed on the dresser. It was jiggling helplessly from the movement of the RV, jostling as if it were indecisive on which way to lean. Brendon glanced upward at Ryan once more and opened his mouth as if he was going to say something then shut it quickly after having a second thought about it. He had a feeling if the wrong thing were to be said, that giant book would be thrown across the room, hitting it's target (Brendon's face).

Brendon gasped softly at the sudden idea for something to say. "Hey, Ryan!" Brendon said loudly, executing the quiet that filled the room.

"Yes, Brendon?" Ryan said tiredly after a long inhale through his nose, his eyes not moving from his book.

"Have you ever thought really dirty thoughts then get worried that someone is reading your mind then start thinking about things that are twelve times dirtier just to freak out the person reading your mind?" Brendon's chest rose and fell quickly after rambling on in almost one breath.

Ryan's head turned slowly to face Brendon with a 'what-the-fuck?' kind of expression. He blinked several times and shook his head slightly and returned to his book.

Brendon sighed in exasperation and let his head fall back onto his knees in defeat. At least he didn't get a face full of book. He lifted his head and dropped his legs so that they dangled down off the front of the dresser. He puffed out his cheeks and swung his legs, making them bounce against the drawers of the dresser. Brendon's head circled and his eyes darted around the room, looking for something, _anything_, to do. His eyes fell on Ryan yet again. Fuck self control!

Brendon leapt off the dresser and just barely landed at the foot of Ryan's bunk. Though jostled a bit, Ryan still didn't tear his stare from his book. "What are you reading anyway?" Brendon asked while shaking Ryan's legs.

"Great Expectations," Ryan stated flatly and turned another page, seeming bored with Brendon's presence.

"By that chickens guy, right? I remember having to read that freshman year," Brendon reminisced. "Well, everyone else did while I slept in the back."

"It's Dickens, Bren." Ryan's tone was filled with boredom. "This is a collection of his works."

"Dickens? Really?" Brendon's face cracked into a grin. "I bet he got beat up at the playground with that name." He chuckled and snatched Ryan's book, earning a whine in protest from Ryan.

"Brendon! Give it back!" Ryan sat up and tried to snatch it out of Brendon's grasp.

"You'll have to do something for me first." Brendon's grin turned mischievous.

"Shut up, and give it back," Ryan demanded, his face flushed.

Brendon slid the hefty novel underneath him and smiled. "Kiss me," he said, leaning in slightly, his expression smug.

"Quit being stupid and give it back!" Ryan said a bit louder with his face deepening in color. He tried pushing Brendon off to make a grab for the book from under him.

"I'm waiting." Brendon said, situating himself back on the book to insure it's safety. Ryan ceased his shoving and looked as he was going to slug Brendon right in the face. Ryan tucked his legs under him and rose up on his knees. He slid his hand behind Brendon's neck and pulled him in to plant a kiss on his forehead.

"There. Can I have my book back, please?" Ryan said, sitting back down, his face as vibrant as ever.

Brendon bursted out into laughter. "Aw, Ry, that was so cute!" Brendon had to use the wall as leverage to hold himself up into the sitting position. "You're so adorable!" He leaned forward to peck Ryan's flaming cheek. "Wait 'till the guys hear about this," Brendon said, still laughing, this time at Ryan's reaction.

"No! You're such a dick!" Ryan said loudly while trying to hold Brendon down from running out to the front of the bus.

"Hey, guys!" Brendon shouted as he shot out from Ryan's grasp and through the sliding door. "You'll never guess what Ryan just di-" he was tackled to the ground before he could finish.

"Oh, hi, guys!" Ryan smiled up at Jon and Spencer who were probably just napping on the couch.

"Um. Hey, Ry" Jon said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"What are we doing for Fourth of July?" Ryan asked from the floor, attempting to create small talk to distract the two from the wriggling Brendon beneath him.

"Nothing! We have a schedule to stick to!" Joe's booming voice sounded up ahead from the driver's seat.

"What!" Brendon yelped from under Ryan. He threw Ryan from on top of him and rolled to the front of the bus. "We're missing out on the festivities?" He sprang up and clapped his hands firmly on each of Joe's shoulders.

"Boy, get your hands off me. You heard what I said." Joe flicked Brendon's hand and tried to maintain his attention to the road.

"Joe!" Brendon whined and shook Joe vigorously by the shoulders. "Can we at least get some fireworks? Sparklers, even?"

"The schedule says no," Joe hissed and swatted his hands away.

"Come _on_, man!" Brendon yelled and placed his hands on the back of the drivers seat to continue shaking the agitated old man. "How can you live with yourself knowing you stole a boy's fourth of July wish!"

"If I say yes, will you quit buggin' me?" Joe growled out and turned his head quickly to glance at Brendon then back at the road.

"Yes!" Brendon squealed and removed his hands from the seat.

"Good! Now, sit your crazy ass down and let me drive!" he said with a sense of finality, squaring his shoulders and shaking his head.

* * *

><p>"So," the man scratched at his beard, shifted his weight to one foot, and placed his hands on the plywood counter of the fireworks shack, "you boys want to buy fireworks on the day of the holiday. I can't say that's the smartest thing you could'a done." A sarcastic smile sprouted from beneath his bearded face and he chuckled lightly. Ryan couldn't help but feel uncomfortable. He was a creepy beardy guy calling them 'boys.' "What'll it be boys?" Ryan shuddered at the word. The hairy man stepped aside to showcase his inventory, which, in all, could've fit in one bag.<p>

"You don't have anything else in the back?" asked Brendon.

"Back?" The man snapped his head around to face Brendon and grinned. He looked around his shack nestled between a gas station and highway. "There _is_ no back!" the man said before exploding into hearty guffaws. "This is all there is, boys." The man clutched at his round belly and placed his unused hand on the counter to steady himself.

Spencer glanced at the others before stepping up to the counter. "We'll just take what's left, thanks." He dug in his pocket and retrieved a wrinkled twenty dollar bill.

"That'll be twelve dollars." The man smirked, trying his best to hold back more explosive laughter and packed up the remaining fireworks and threw in a few lighting sticks. "You boys have fun, now."

Ryan shuddered once more at the man's words. _Creepy_.

"Yeah, thanks," Spencer said before plucking the brown paper bag from Creepy McBeardson and turned sharply to return to the bus with Ryan close at his heels.

"Who are you boys anyway?" the fireworks salesman asked just as Brendon and Jon were turning to leave. "It ain't everyday we see a giant RV rollin' though this town."

"Well, I'm Jon, and this is-"

"Joe!" Brendon said, interrupting Jon. "My name's Joe Campbell. You may have heard of me. I'm pretty famous in these parts." Brendon sent a wink to Jon and shot out his hand to old scruffy face for a shake.

"Yeah?" he asked, one eyebrow raised as he shook Brendon's hand firmly. "What you famous for?" Mr. Beard said, disbelievingly.

Jon opened his mouth to butt in, but Brendon beat him to it. "I guess you could say I'm a bit of an entrepreneur." Brendon leaned with his elbow on the counter and stared at the man.

"What you sellin', then?" he asked, half-way between interested and annoyed.

"You know," Brendon waggled his eyebrows at the bearded guy. "A bit of this. A bit of that." He turned to face the man full on. "You believe in magic?"

"Depends," the man glanced nervously at Jon then back at Brendon and stood up from the counter. "What kinda magic you talkin' about?" He squinted into the words.

"Spells, of course. Haven't you ever wanted something so badly that," Brendon leaned further across the counter, "_you'd sell your soul for it_?" he whispered, causing the portly man to shift uncomfortably on his feet.

"Anything?" He adjusted his faded baseball cap, "Love, even?" A look of desperation filled the man's eyes. Jon snorted laughter went unheard, thankfully for the busy highway nearby.

"Love, success, money; anything you want, my man." Brendon's voice turned low and a small side-mouthed smirk played at his lips.

"Well," he moved closer to the counter, "there's this woman."

"Of course." Brendon gestured him to go on.

"I kinda got my eye on her, but she acts like she's too busy to look my way and-," he hiked up his pants and squared his shoulders. "You say this is for real?" he half-shouted at Brendon.

"It's as real as you and I," Brendon said in an airy tone. He balled his hands and placed them under his chin, his elbows still on the counter, attempting the look of innocence.

"So, uh, what is it you gotta know?" Beardo asked, lowering his shoulders and leaning back down to the counter, his brow pinched.

"You don't have to tell me anything. We just have to agree," Brendon said, the crooked smile still on his lips.

"On?"

"The love of this woman... For your soul." Brendon raised an eyebrow at the man.

"That won't hurt, will it? Won't I be needin' it?" Dr. Beardface asked. He stepped back from the counter yet again and flicked his eyes toward Jon who was shaking and biting the inside of his lip to keep in his laughter.

"So you agree, then?" Brendon stood up from the counter.

"Yeah, I 'gree. Now what? We shake on it?" Ape-chin asked before looking around.

"All deals are sealed with a kiss," Brendon said, grinning at the man.

"What? With you?" Scruffy stepped back from the counter even farther, bumping into the hastily built plywood shelves.

"No, sorry to disappoint you. I'm merely the deal maker." Brendon gestured to Jon. "What do you think this guy is here for?"

"What!" Jon yelped, any hint of laughter now gone. "Okay, I think we should go back to the bus now, Bren!"

"So all I gotta do is kiss this big fella and I'll get what I want?" Whiskers asked.

"Yep. And I already have your soul, so you better make it quick." Brendon laughed and turned to walk back to where the bus was parked.

"What! Bren, wait up!" Jon turned and ran to catch up with Brendon.

"Hold up, sonny! I gotta kiss you!" McBeardface yelled while climbing over and out of the stall.

"You might want to start running, Jon," Brendon said when he peeked behind him to see the man rolling from the counter to the ground and dusted himself off to run after the two.

"I think we should both run before Old McBeardy catches us both!" Jon said before darting out in front of Brendon to the bus.

"Aw, Jon, where're you going? He probably can't even run that fast!" Brendon called after him and paused to look backward only to see the man sprinting after him way faster than Brendon ever thought possible for a man of his size. "Oh shit! Jon, wait up!" Brendon caught up with Jon as soon as he threw the bus door open and jumped inside.

"Go, Joe! GO!" Jon screamed at the driver. "What are you waiting for?"

Brendon slammed the door shut and the bus took off. "You think I should've given him his soul back?" Brendon chuckled when he saw the hopeless man chase after the bus before stopping to fall on his knees.

"You fucktard! He wasn't after you! He was after me!" Jon yelled and started punching Brendon's arm. "You told the hobo to make-out with me!"

"Whoa, what?" Spencer asked, wide-eyed from the couch.

"It was for the sake of love!" Brendon yelled as he sunk into the recliner, still on the receiving end of Jon's fists. "And it wasn't me! It was Joe!"

"How in the hell did you get _me_ into this?" Joe asked from the driver's seat, now fully aware of the conversation.

"I didn't! But you might wanna stay clear of this town for a few years," Brendon said, his hands catching Jon's fists, finally able to stop the punches.

"I'm not even going to ask," Joe said, shaking his head dismissively and returning his attention to the road. "I saw an empty lot by some abandoned apartments you guys can set the fireworks off at."

"We won't need that big of a space," Spencer sounded from the couch, his face buried in the brown paper bag. He pulled out two packs of multi-colored sparklers and two cardboard chickens. "This is all we have."

"What do the chickens do?" Ryan grabbed one to examine it.

"This is bullshit. I had the scare of my life for some sparklers and a couple of chickens? Brendon, I'll kill you!" Jon exclaimed before launching himself once more at Brendon, bringing him down to the floor. "Let me see that chicken," Jon said from the floor with a squirming Brendon beneath him.

"Only if you quit sitting on Bren. I don't want to have to tell them to inscribe 'Death by Butt' on his tombstone," Spencer said before tossing Jon the other chicken.

* * *

><p>"You didn't seriously tell that creepy guy to kiss Jon, did you?" Ryan asked Brendon while they watched Jon and Spence struggling to find the fuse on one of the chickens.<p>

Brendon chuckled. "You should've seen the old guy's face. Even his beard believed me." Joe had now taken over the chicken. He held the chicken between his forefingers and ran the flame of the lighter underneath it, determined to find a fuse.

"Should we go help them?" Ryan asked, but didn't move.

"Nah. We're safer at a distance. They can handle it," Brendon replied.

The miniscule fuse at the bottom of the chicken had now ignited and sent small sparks onto Joe's hand causing his to drop the bird. He, Jon, and Spencer all scattered, desperate to get to a safe distance from the explosive poultry. The three turned on the spot and awaited the show. They all stood in silence as the fuse grew shorter and the sparks disappeared into the cardboard chicken.

"Maybe it's a dud!" Jon shouted to the others after a few seconds of silence.

"Go poke it!" Brendon yelled to Jon.

"No way!" Jon answered back. "Go poke it, Spence," Jon said to Spencer before reaching down to grab a stick and handed it to Spencer.

"If I'm blowing up, I'm taking you with me," Spencer said, taking the stick and grabbing Jon's wrist, pulling him along. The two stepped slowly to the firework and hunched over it. Jon jabbed Spencer in the ribs with his elbow only to be jabbed back with the stick.

"Poke it!" Jon told Spencer, pointing to the stick in Spencer's hand.

"I'm not poking it!" Spencer answered, shoving the stick back to Jon.

"Will _someone_ just poke it already?" Joe yelled from across the grassy lot.

Before either of them could scream back a snarky remark, the chicken caught fire like a phoenix and let out a screech that people in Canada probably heard. Jon and Spence each fell back on their behinds before scrambling up to run in the opposite direction. The angry bird's flame turned blue then yellow, screeching all the while, changing pitch; higher, lower, then high again. Ryan plugged his fingers in his ears and squinted into the bright flame. Heavy sparks were flying outward several feet. The grass had caught fire beneath the bird, creating a flaming ring around it. All at once, the screeching ceased along with the flames and sparks.

"I'm definitely not poking it now," Jon said, still sitting on the ground next to Spencer, gasping from the receding adrenaline.

"You idiots!" Joe screamed before running toward the charred firework and stomping the grass around it to extinguish the last glowing embers. "Why in the hell did you buy that? That other one is going in the garbage," he said, approaching Brendon with his hand held out.

"No way!" Brendon said, hugging the brown paper bag to his chest. "That was awesome!"

"I don't think so," Joe said, pulling the bag down and out of Brendon's grip.

"Grouchy old man never let's us have any fun," Brendon mumbled as he saw Joe disappear across the dark field and into the bus. Spencer and Jon sighed loudly before clambering to their feet to follow Joe across the lot.

"Wait," Brendon whispered to Ryan and caught his elbow after Jon and Spencer were opening the door to turn in to the bus. He produced a pack of sparklers from his pocket and presented it to Ryan.

"Sparklers? Really, Bren?" Ryan couldn't help but smile.

"Come on, it'll be fun! You can write your name in the air! What's cooler than that?" Brendon said, grinning broadly.

"Alright, fine. But just a few. I don't want Joe to blow up like that chicken," Ryan finally gave in, smiling at Brendon's cute gesture.

Brendon handed Ryan a red tipped sparkler and took a blue one for himself before lighting the ends of each one. The two smiled at each other through the sparks and bitter smelling smoke. Brendon waved his sparkler around like a wand and started writing. The air was lit up by the movements. "FUCK JOE," he spelled out, earning a giggle from Ryan. Ryan drew a red smiley face adorned with a beard in the air between them, sending Brendon into a fit of laughter. Once he recovered, Brendon wrote Ryan's name, incasing it in a large blue heart. Ryan felt his cheeks grow hot, thankful his face was already lit red. Ryan bit his lip and wrote out Brendon's name in his curvy writing and drew another smiley face beneath it, but this time instead of a beard, tiny red hearts took the place of eyes. Brendon threw his Sparkler down onto the already charred grass and stepped closer to Ryan before taking Ryan's to toss it down beside his. He closed the space between them and placed his hands on Ryan hips. Ryan complied and wrapped his arms around Brendon's stared into each other's eyes, their faces illuminated in a dim light from the sparklers. The blue and red colors mixed, shining purple. Ryan leaned in closer and pressed his lips against Brendon's. Brendon's lips smiled against Ryan's and parted slightly to run his tongue along Ryan's plush bottom lip. Ryan permitted Brendon's entrance. He parted his lips and tilted his head to the side, deepening the kiss. Ryan could swear he heard fireworks.

"Brendon, look!" he said once they parted. The sky was lit up with exploding fireworks, and not the chicken kind either.

"Hm," Brendon hummed, his lips attached to Ryan's neck.

"Brendon, the sky!" Ryan laughed and pulled away from Brendon.

"Hey, look," Brendon said, finally looking up.

"Come on, let's watch," Ryan said, sitting on the dry ground, tugging on Brendon's hand for him to do the same.

"That one looked like a hamburger. Or Jon's ass," Brendon said, referring to the latest explosion while lying down on the dry and cracked earth.

"That one looked exactly like _your_ ass," Ryan said, giggling and laid back beside Brendon.

"I never knew my ass was that big and purple," Brendon said, smiling.

"Not to mention sparkly," Ryan said, turning his head to Brendon.

"Then that one must be yours," Brendon said pointing to the sky before turning to face Ryan. "Tiny and white as fuck."

Ryan laughed and placed a small kiss on Brendon's lips. "Clever."

"So what's your Fourth of July wish?" Brendon asked Ryan before returning his attention back to the sky.

"If I tell you, it won't come true," Ryan answered after a moment's silence, his eyes still on Brendon.

"You can't even tell _me_?" Brendon said, leaning up on his elbow and staring at Ryan. His tone almost sounding hurt.

"Nope." Ryan's eyes seemed to almost be sparkling. Or maybe that was just the fireworks. He smiled softly and turned his gaze back to the sky.

Brendon lied back down, but kept his gaze on Ryan. "Not even just a hint?"

Ryan smiled but instead of answering, he simply removed one of his hands behind his head and took Brendon's in his. Brendon opened his mouth to press the issue farther, but decided against it. He gave Ryan's hand a gentle squeeze and turned his head to gaze upward.

"_I wish you could be mine forever_," Ryan closed his eyes and thought to himself.

* * *

><p><strong>Aren't they just the cutest? Enjoy the fluff because after this, it's all downhill. This story's nearing it's end! *sniffles* It seems like just yesterday I started writing it! Leave me pretty reviews! ~Ember<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

"Joe," Spencer stared at the bus driver intensely from the passenger seat. "Tell me a story." He propped his head upon his palms and leaned toward Joe. "Like a horrifying war story how you were completely surrounded by the enemy and had to bury yourself in your dead comrades just to stay alive!" Spencer said with his eyes wide.

"The only thing I have close to a war story is how I raised five girls after their no good mama ran out on us," Joe said, sending Spencer a crazy side-eyed grin. "You ever been in a house full of menstrual teenage girls?" Joe asked at a stoplight. He placed his head in his palms, mimicking Spencer, a smug smile across his face.

"OK, bored with that story!" Spencer said, hopping out of the passenger seat and flopping down onto the couch where Ryan was sprawled out, napping. He could hear Joe chuckle in victory. "Wake up, Ry!" Spencer said, shaking Ryan by the shoulders.

"Jesus fuck, what do you _want_, Spencer?" Ryan half-yelled when shaken awake.

"I was bored," Spencer replied sweetly with a smile that suggested only innocence.

"I ought to slaughter you, rip out your organs, and have them hung on the bus like fancy wind socks," Ryan replied, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "You couldn't have woken up Jon?" Ryan asked, his tone still covered in sleep. He threw his arm toward Jon who was snoring loudly in the recliner across from the couch.

"But I wanted to annoy you more than I did him," Spencer said with the same innocent smile. "Where's Bren? Go annoy him," Ryan said, biting the insides of his cheeks to keep from smiling.

"He's on the phone with Sarah," Spencer replied before getting up to head into the mini kitchen area. He reached into the cabinet above the refrigerator and pulled out a box of Lucky Charms.

"_What?_" Ryan replied instantly, his tone wide awake now. "I mean," he scoffed and cut his eyes from Spencer's direction, "why would he be talking to her at six in the morning?" he added after glancing at the digital clock mounted on the wall above the dining table, trying to disguise his anger.

"Time zones or some shit. He calls her everyday, though. You've never noticed?" Spencer asked between bites of his magically delicious breakfast.

"No," Ryan said, laying back down onto the couch. "I haven't." He sank slightly into the couch. He wished the thing would just go ahead and swallow him up already.

"Wait," Spencer rose from the table, his bowl still in his hand. "You and Brendon aren't still," he nodded his head and twirled his spoon in the air above Ryan, sprinkling drops of milk on Ryan, "ya know?"

Ryan wiggled and sank lower into the couch, still hoping it would swallow him. Or at least grow teeth and chew him to bits. He closed his eyes and turned with his back to Spencer.

"Ryan!" Spencer tapped his milk coated spoon on the back of Ryan's head. "You hearing me?" Ryan stayed silent and wiggled farther into the overly squashy couch. "That bastard," Spencer said, finally taking Ryan's silence as confirmation. "I told him to! I thought he did!" Spencer whispered loudly to himself as he threw his barely eaten cereal onto the counter, allowing large globs of milk and marshmallow to splash out.

"What are you even talking about?" Ryan asked, finally turning to face Spencer, his eyes squinted with a mix of confusion and anger.

"Nothing!" Spencer said, throwing up his hand. "I'll handle it!" He turned and threw open the sliding door. It bounced on its track, swaying furiously.

"Dude, what the hell?" Brendon asked, his phone to his ear.

Spencer stepped in, threw the door closed behind him, and snatched the phone from Brendon's ear. "I'm _so_ sorry, but Brenny Bear's going to have to call you back, mm-kay sweetums?" he cooed into the phone and clicked the end button before even pausing to hear a response.

"Dude!" Brendon said loudly, reaching over, trying to grab his phone back.

"Why are you talking to her?" Spencer demanded, holding the phone further out of reach. "I told you to choose. Now Ryan's in there feeling like a pile of shit on toast! What the fuck, Urie?" Spencer was trying his best to keep his voice down.

"What?" Brendon's eyes grew wide. "You _told_ him?" he hissed.

"Don't you dare make this my fault! I'm not the one fucking around with his feelings! He's not a toy, Urie! You can't just string him along like this!" Spencer said, though a little louder than anticipated.

Brendon crossed the room to sit on top of the dresser. He shrugged. "What do you want me to say?"

Spencer lost it. If he wasn't yelling before, he was definitely yelling now. "I hope you're happy with yourself, you sorry piece of shit! You don't deserve Ryan, you probably don't even that whore of yours either!"

"Don't call her that," Brendon snapped back.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hit a nerve?" Spencer yelled at Brendon. "Whore! Whore! Whore, skank slut!"

"Shut up!" Brendon screamed, standing up now.

"No! I don't think I will! Cunt, bitch tart, bitch, bitch, _whore_!" Spencer said, swinging his hips with each word, almost dancing along.

"Spence, if you don't shut up, I swear I'll,-"

"You'll what? You'll hit me, Bren? Do it! I fucking dare you!"

Brendon balled his fists until his knuckles turned white and he felt his nails digging into his palms. He unclenched his fists, bit his lip and turned his fiery gaze to the floor.

"Fucking coward," Spencer scoffed before banging the door open. "Stop the bus, Joe!" Spencer called to the front of the bus.

"Sorry, Spencer, but,-" Joe tried to retaliate.

"I said stop the fucking bus, Joe!" Spencer said, trying not to take his anger out on the old man.

"Alright," Joe said and pulled to the side of the road and screeched the RV to a stop. He thanked the Lord above that they were in a town rather than on a busy interstate.

Spencer threw Brendon's phone into Ryan's lap before grabbing Jon's hand and dragging him out the bus. "I'm sorry, Ry," he said as he opened the door to exit into the town.

Ryan looked down at the phone. The white casing surrounded the squared screen. He turned to glance back into the bunk room. The room was quiet. The whole bus was quiet. Even Joe was sitting perfectly still. It was as if Spencer had frozen time when he threw Ryan the phone. And Brendon didn't look like he was going to come running in, spurting out apologies any time soon. He rose from the couch, sent an apologetic smile to Joe before leaving the bus to explore the town. He really didn't feeling like hunting down Spencer and Jon, especially since he didn't even know if Spencer was still walking around like a live bomb. He decided to hide away in the Starbucks he had found around a corner. Just far enough from Brendon, but not too far away for Joe to find him.

"I'll just have a bottle of water," Ryan told the barista after she stared him down with a sleepy 'what-the-fuck-do-you-want' expression scrawled on her face. She threw the bottle across the counter, sending water droplets on Ryan when he caught it.

Ryan settled at table nestled in the corner with his back toward the door. He was the only one in the coffee shop, but he still wanted his privacy. He stared down at Brendon's phone. Did he even _want_ to know? Ran let out a sigh and slid open the phone. First he went to recent calls. Nothing unexpected there. Almost all incoming and outgoing calls had the name 'Sarah' in all the slots. His stomach sunk. Half of him wanted to flush the thing down the toilet rather than look at the messages, but the other half was screaming for him to read them. His stomach became leaden. He scrolled down to the messages. His finger hovered over the buttons, merely ghosting over them. He held his breath and pressed. He was in Brendon's messages. He felt like he was invading his privacy, but then he also felt like he didn't give a single fuck. He opened the ones sent to Sarah.

'Hey'

That wasn't so bad. He says "hey" to almost everyone he meets.

'Hey babe'

That was not how others greeted him, that's for sure. No one Ryan knew ever called Brendon "babe." Not even him.

'What's up?'

Maybe their relationship, if they even had one, was one-sided. Maybe Brendon didn't even like her. Maybe the only person Brendon liked was Ryan? Maybe the sky will turn neon green and it'll rain Lucky Charms. Ryan scoffed and continued reading.

'Thinkin bout U :-)'

This was just sad. The girl didn't even know how to spell.

'I've been thinking about you too. Every day baby'

Ok, that hurt. It felt like someone just sucker punched Ryan right in the gut then kicked him in the face with a steel toed boot while he was on the ground, gasping for air. He wondered if he could even handle reading the rest of them. He held his breath and read on.

'so excited to C U! 3 mor days!'

Three more days until what? The date on the message was from two days ago. They had a concert tomorrow. Ryan's head fell onto the sticky, coffee stained table. How can he play tomorrow knowing Brendon will be getting all snuggly with _her_ after the show? His eyes were stinging. He didn't know if it was from the strong aroma of the fresh coffee wafting the room or the tears he was desperately trying to swallow. He felt the tears plop onto the table. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his hands into fists.

He hated Sarah for being a whore. He hated Brendon for falling for the whore. He hated himself for falling for the guy who fell for the whore.

He sat up, determined to look through the rest of the messages. A small sliver of hope was still in him. He hoped there was something in there that even slightly suggested Brendon's feelings for Ryan. If he even had feelings for Ryan. He rubbed his eyes on his sleeve and retrieved the phone from across the table. He braced himself for the worst.

'Ull take me out 4 ice cream after?'

Ryan's jaw clenched. Ice cream. Ryan recalled all the times they had eaten ice cream together. Ryan couldn't even remember a time when he had ice cream with anyone else but Brendon. He couldn't even look at an ice cream cone or a bottle of chocolate syrup without thinking of Brendon.

'You bet beautiful ;-)'

"_What a disgusting face,_" Ryan thought to himself. He now hated emoticons, _and_ ice cream.

'I g2g I love U brenny bear! Cant wait 2 C U!'

Awesome. She loved him. Awesome. She was going to see him. _Awesome_. She was going to eat ice cream with him. _Just fucking awesome_.

'Love you too Goodnight'

That did it. Ryan felt numb. Had someone cut off his arms and legs when he wasn't looking because he sure as hell couldn't feel them anymore. His head felt suddenly heavy. It found its place back on the table and the tears found their way back to his eyes. He couldn't even feel himself crying. He looked down at the table only to see a large puddle. Maybe he had spilled his water? He glanced at the table and saw that the bottle was still closed. Nope, it was just him crying over a guy like a lovesick school girl.

Was he even in love? He's never hated, wanted to stab, and wanted to be held by someone as badly as he did with Brendon right now. _Could this be love?_

Tears were still streaming down his face and rolling off his jaw. He didn't even attempt to wipe them away. They probably wouldn't stop for a while. He looked down at the phone sitting at the other end of the table. Was there more? He'd just read one day's worth. He picked it up and slid it open once more. It vibrated in his hand, causing him to almost jump out of his chair. He immediately pressed "view now."

'Hey baby! Im about 2 go 2 the airport! C U soon!'

Ryan felt sick. He jumped up, the phone still in his hand and ran into the bathroom. He allowed the scent of bathroom cleaner to overwhelm him as he steadied himself on one of the sinks. He looked up into the mirror to see his reddened eyes and tear-stained face looking back at him. He smiled slightly. "_Pathetic_," he thought to himself. He leaned over the sink and splashed the icy water running out of the chrome faucet onto his face. He rubbed at his eyes, trying to scrub the tears out of them. He went to turn off the faucet but grabbed the phone instead, making it fall into the sink under the running tap. A smile spread across his dripping face.

He tore a paper towel from the loose roll on the counter next to the sink and dried his face. He turned the faucet off and grabbed the phone. It still worked. _Not for long._ He launched it across the room, slamming it into the tiled wall and letting it fall into two pieces on the grimy floor. He picked it up and stared at his work. The screen and keyboard were barely hanging onto each other. Ryan did it a favor and ripped the two apart. _There. That's better._ No. Not quite good enough. He wasn't pleased yet.

He ran into the nearest stall and threw the phone in the toilet. It sunk helplessly to the bottom of the bowl, clinking with the porcelain as it made contact. Not wanting to touch the silver handle, Ryan lifted his foot to press down on it several times. Water rushed around the phone, tossing it about the bowl. When the flushing ceased, the phone was circling the bowl slowly. Finally satisfied, Ryan took his leave from the Starbucks. He even sent the grouchy barista a cheerful wave and smile while exiting. It was of course answered with a crude hand gesture, but it still didn't wreck Ryan's mood. No, Ryan's mood stayed cheerful. At least until he arrived back at the bus.

He stepped in expecting to see Joe, Spencer, and Jon goofing around or having a quick lunch. He wasn't at all expecting Brendon. He was hoping he'd left him behind in the toilet at Starbucks as well.

"Hey," Brendon greeted Ryan from the couch.

"Hi," Ryan answered breathlessly, turning his gaze to the floor and shifting on his feet, feeling strange to be in Brendon's company so soon.

"Have you seen my phone?" Brendon asked, his eyes, too, on the floor.

"Yeah," he cleared his throat and ran his hand down the back of his head, ruffling his hair nervously, "I think Spencer had it," Ryan answered quickly. "I'm, uh, I'm really tired. I'm just going to... yeah," Ryan said before heading to the bunk room.

"Wait," Brendon said, jumping to his feet to catch Ryan's wrist. "You didn't hear any of that, did you?" His eyes wide and distressed.

Ryan's stomach jumped, backflipped, somersaulted, and exploded all at the same time. He looked up to meet Brendon's eyes. "Yeah, Bren. I did. I heard everything," he said, pulling his arm from Brendon. "Just leave me alone, OK? I'm sure you'll have fun with Sarah tomorrow," Ryan said, stepping backward but never dropping his watery stare from Brendon.

"How'd you,-"

"Leave him alone," Jon sounded from the doorway of the bus. Neither Ryan nor Brendon had even heard it open. Brendon dropped his hand from Ryan's.

Brendon whipped his head around to face the door. "Jon," Brendon pleaded. "Not you too."

"Yeah, me too. Now leave him alone," he said firmly as Spencer appeared in the doorway behind him. When Brendon turned back around, Ryan was already gone. All he saw was the door sliding shut and dark shadowed feet stepping away from it. Jon blew past him, following Ryan into the bunk room. Brendon stood there, his eyes back on the floor, his faced screwed up, and his hands balled into fists. Spencer stepped in.

"We can get back on the road now, Joe. Sorry for the hold up," he said quietly to Joe after closing the door shut. He walked toward Brendon carefully as if he were an abandoned puppy.

"Go ahead. Yell at me some more. I deserve it," Brendon said, squeezing his fists tighter.

"Yeah, you do," Spencer said. "But you need a friend more than you need someone screaming at you." He embraced Brendon, wrapping his arms around him. He could feel Brendon shaking. He wasn't sure if it was because of anger or him, holding back tears. "You're an idiot, but that doesn't mean i'm going to stop being your friend," Spencer spoke quietly and squeezed Brendon. "You're so stupid."

"I know." Brendon finally said, calming his trembling body. He slowly wrapped his arms around Spencer, giving into the hug. "I feel like the world's biggest douche right now. You think they have mugs for that?" his voice still shaky.

"If they don't I'll make you one," Spencer said, smiling a bit. "Come on. Couch time." Spencer lead him to the couch and went into the fridge to retrieve two sodas. Spencer fell onto the couch next to Brendon who already had his head buried in a pillow. "So," he said, tapping Brendon's arm for him to take the soda. "What are you going to do to fix this?"

"I have no fucking idea," Brendon said hopelessly and looked up at Spencer.

"Ryan flushed your phone, by the way," Spencer said nonchalantly, sipping his soda.

"Awesome," Brendon replied before taking a swig of his own.

* * *

><p><strong>Who else here has been personally victimized by Brendon Urie? Thanks for reading! Update coming soon :) ~Ember<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Brendon dropped down onto the couch next to Spencer and Ryan backstage after the concert, Spencer sandwiched in the middle of the bickering lovers.

"So where's Sarah?" Spencer asked Brendon bitterly.

"Wouldn't know. Not here," Brendon said beaming at the two of them, though mostly at Ryan, who seemed to be suddenly fascinated with a text message he had just received.

"Not _here_ as in she's elsewhere waiting for her Brenny Bear?" Spencer pushed.

"I mean not here as in nowhere I care to know about because she's no one I care about to know about here," Brendon said, still trying to get Ryan's attention.

Spencer stared in confusion. "That made absolutely no sense," he shook out his head, a trace of a smile played at his lips, "but sounds good to me," he said and patted Brendon's knee before getting up. "I could've sworn I saw some cheese cubes over there, so yeah," he said, offering a small wave before walking away quickly.

Ryan looked up from his phone and let out a squeak in protest. "He did that on purpose," he mumbled to himself. He was about to pop up and run after him, but Brendon scooted over closer to him, more than he would've liked and placed his arm around his shoulders.

"Hi, Ry," Brendon greeted him cheerfully. Too cheerfully in Ryan's opinion.

"Yeah, hi," Ryan said as he picked up Brendon's arm with his thumb and forefinger, as if he was afraid to touch him, and threw his arm away. "Don't you have to get back to Sarah?"

"I just told you!" Brendon half-shouted and offered his hands in innocence. "She's gone! Gonzo, bye bye, good night!" he replied with more dismissive hand gestures before replacing his arm around Ryan.

"Oh, I'm sure," Ryan scoffed, shrugged off Brendon's arm, and returned his attention back to his phone, his fingers tapping the buttons rapidly and with more force than deemed necessary.

"It's true! I told her I was interested in someone else," Brendon said, turning to face Ryan dead on.

"Oh, and who would that be? And mirrors don't count," Ryan replied smartly.

"No, it's Jon," Brendon replied flatly.

"_What_?" Ryan's head whipped around to face Brendon.

"_Kidding_, Ry. Only kidding," Brendon said, smiling and holding his hands up innocently. "It's you, Ry. It's always been you," he said in a serious tone, his grin fading to a heartfelt smile.

Ryan laughed coldly. "Bullshit." His ears reddened in embarrassment.

"It's true!" Brendon chimed. "If it wasn't for you and the urgent need to pee, I would never even get out of bed in the morning."

"Oh, how romantic," Ryan said, holding back a laugh.

"So what do you say?" Brendon slid his hand down the length of Ryan's arm and let his hand rest on Ryan's. "Will you be mine again?"

Ryan wanted to grin like an idiot, jump into Brendon's arms, and smother him with kisses until he was covered head to toe in hickeys. He bit back a laugh and allowed a slight smile. "Go to hell, Bren," he said and he hopped up to find Spencer and the cheese cubes.

"Smooth," Jon said, suddenly beside Brendon, his mouth chewing through a wad of cheese and a beer in his hand. Brendon jumped slightly at Jon's presence.

"He wants me," Brendon reassured himself.

"What about Sarah?" Jon asked.

"I dropped the tart," said Brendon, almost laughing. "And I thought you hated me. Aren't you still mad?" Brendon asked.

"Well, yeah, I'm still mad. That was a super douchey move breaking little Ryan's heart, but I'm still your friend. You don't hate your puppy just because he pissed on your rug." Jon said before raising his beer to his lips to take a hefty swig.

"That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me, Jon!" Brendon said before jumping on top of Jon, giving him a huge bear hug.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't get used to it, douche nozzle." Jon wiggled free from Brendon's death grip and went to get another beer since Brendon had spilled the one he had all over the couch.

* * *

><p><strong>Short chapter, sorry DX So everyone still loves Brendon, right? Anyone? Give me some feed back :) Update coming soon. ~Ember<strong>


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Ryan stared at his reflection in the tiny medicine cabinet in the RV's impossibly tiny bathroom. The skin beneath his eyes had darkened from lack of sleep. Not cool. His hair was getting long and shaggy looking. Also not cool. And was that a zit on his chin? Definitely not cool. He sighed and pulled out his toothbrush and the oversized tube of toothpaste. It was actually just a regular sized tube but the compact bathroom made everything average size look gigantic. He was only half done with his teeth before the bathroom door swung open.

"Brendon, what the hell?" Ryan asked through a foamed mouth.

"I have to brush my teeth too!" Brendon replied. He squeezed into the bathroom and reached for his hulk decorated toothbrush. "Hulk smash cavities!" he said loudly in a deep voice.

"You don't have to say that every time you brush your teeth," Ryan said, rolling his eyes, bumping Brendon aside with his shoulder, and leaning forward to spit a foamed glob into the sink.

"If I don't, then I'll get cavities," Brendon stated matter-of-factly.

Ryan rolled his eyes and threw his tooth brush back into its holder. "Whatever, can you let me out now?" Ryan asked while trying to get past Brendon, already annoyed with his presence.

"Nope," Brendon said with a mouthful before closing the door and twisting the small lock on the small doorknob on the small door of the small bathroom.

"Could you just," Ryan started, trying to reach around Brendon, who had flattened himself against the door.

"Nope, sorry. Looks like you're stuck in here with me," Brendon said after spitting and rinsing with the bottle of water Ryan had brought in.

"Can you at least leave? I have to pee," Ryan said, looking for a reason to get one of them out of there.

"Go ahead, it's not like I haven't seen your equipment before," Brendon said with a shrug.

"_God_, Brendon," Ryan said blushing fiercely and covering his face. "Shut up and let me out already."

"On one condition," Brendon said, his face smug.

"I don't like the sound of that at all." Ryan replied, backing away slightly.

The smug grin faded from Brendon's face, leaving a look of innocence in his soft brown eyes. "Be mine again."

Ryan's face grew hot again. "You can't own people. Besides, I was never yours," he said and crossed his arms. He mentally slapped himself for being so cold.

"I beg to differ!" Brendon said loudly, his face practically bruised from Ryan's words.

"Differ all you want, just let me out already," said Ryan with a shrug.

There was a long pause. "Fine," Brendon said softly, stepping away from the door, knowing when he had been beaten.

Just then, Joe slammed on the brakes causing the bus to screech to a sudden halt, sending the two flying backward into the shower tub. Ryan landed roughly against the tile, his head creating a loud thump when it made contact with the wall. Brendon landed on top of Ryan, squishing him against the wall of the tub.

"Are you okay?" Brendon turned to ask Ryan, his tone urgent and his eyes filled with alarm. He was practically sitting in Ryan's lap.

"Fine," Ryan said, rubbing the back of his head. "Just a bump, I guess." He couldn't help smirking a bit at Brendon's concern.

"Let me see!" Brendon demanded as his hands flew behind Ryan's head to feel the newly acquired lump. "Want me to kiss it to make it better?" Brendon asked, his face serious.

"Get _off_ of me already," Ryan said, shoving Brendon aside, his expression turning angry.

"You could at least help me up," Brendon said from the tub as Ryan stood. Ryan sighed loudly then outstretched his hand for Brendon. The RV revved up speed causing Brendon to slam into Ryan for the second time. Ryan's back rammed into the counter and Brendon was completely in Ryan's arms. Their noses brushed.

"You alright?" Brendon whispered.

"Yeah," Ryan said, his eyes falling to Brendon's lips. His lips parted and his eyes fluttered closed. Brendon leaned in and crashed their lips together roughly, capturing and releasing his lips in a rhythmic manner like a song they were meant to dance along with. Ryan had missed the way Brendon's lips felt on his. How they tasted. How he smelled. Their lips worked together, devouring each other hungrily, almost trying to make up for all the kisses they had missed out on. Brendon's arms snaked around Ryan's waist, pulling them closer together. Ryan's arms found their way around Brendon's neck.

All of a sudden, Ryan's eyes shot open as if someone ripped him from his wonderful fantasy and pushed he Brendon off of him, parting their lips with a wet pop. He quickly unlocked the door and slipped into the bunk room, leaving Brendon suddenly cold and panting. Brendon touched his fingers to his lips. He could still Ryan on them. He could still taste him. He ran his tongue over his lips. Spearmint toothpaste and something else. Something that was just so... Ryan. He'd missed that most of all.

* * *

><p><strong>Don't you feel sorry for Brendon! Remember he's a douche canoe! He deserves this! ...Right? ~Ember<strong>


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty One

"_If my heart were to melt, which hospital would I go to_?" Ryan thought to himself. "_If the membrane around my heart were to burst, how much would the surgery cost to get it fixed_?"

He couldn't be getting sucked into this again. Not _again_. But when they were together, Ryan was the happiest he had ever been. But these past few months without Brendon had been horrible. Not to mention incredibly awkward, especially on stage when Brendon still insisted on groping him. It was like he was missing something.

He sulked through the bunk room and flopped down onto his bunk. His body had never felt heavier. It was like someone had replaced his insides with lead when he wasn't looking. He dropped his head onto his pillow. He was starting to sound like some cheesy chick flick. Ryan smiled at the thought. Maybe someone'll make a movie out of his crappy life and it'll have Jon and Spencer crying in the back of the theater in each other's arms. Right now, Ryan couldn't imagine an ending to this without _someone_crying.

He heard the door slide open.

"_Please don't let it be Brendon_."

They were stepping closer.

"_Please don't let it be Brendon_."

The footsteps stopped directly in front of Ryan's bunk.

"_Oh, dear God, please don't let it be Brendon_."

"Ryan, you awake?" Jon asked before shaking Ryan violently.

"Oh. Yeah, I'm awake," Ryan said, sitting up, a relieved smile on his lips. "I thought you were someone else."

"You mean Brendon?" Jon asked, eyebrows raised.

Was it really that obvious? "What? Not even!" Ryan scoffed.

"Yeah, _OK_," Jon said, rolling his eyes. He took a seat at the end of Ryan's bed. "It's just been pretty awkward with you two acting all, ya know."

Ryan scoffed and brought his knees up to his chest. "What 'ya know'? There is no 'ya know'! And even if there was 'ya know' what do you suggest _I_do about it?" Ryan questioned, his tone angered and defensive.

"Calm down, princess," Jon said before ruffling Ryan's hair. "I just came in here to ask you if you wanted any Lucky Charms. There's only enough for one bowl and I didn't want to eat it all then you come and eat my face in a blind rage."

"It's fine, you can have it," Ryan forced a smile and waved his hand dismissively.

"Awesome! Time for a magically deliciousness!" Jon said to himself in a high pitched voice, dancing what seemed to Ryan like a leprechaun jig before sliding the door closed behind him.

Ryan's smile soon vanished as he was left alone with his thoughts once more. He ached for Brendon. He needed to feel Brendon on his lips several times a day. He needed to be held by Brendon every night. He needed to be woken up in the middle of the night for ice cream. He decided. Being with Brendon wasn't a choice. It wasn't a desire. It was a necessity.

Ryan bolted off his bed and out of the bunk room, throwing open the sliding door to scan the living room for Brendon. No Brendon. Just Spencer half asleep on the couch and Jon half eating and half dancing with his cereal. He ran back to the bathroom and pounded his fist on the bathroom door. He needed Brendon.

* * *

><p>Brendon kicked the bottom of the tub and cursed under his breath as Ryan rushed out of the bathroom. Ryan hated him, he just knew it. Nothing he could ever do would have Ryan forgive him. He was a complete dick. It wasn't that he even cared about Sarah, though. He barely liked her at all, in fact. He only like the idea of her. Being able to have someone who completely admired him. Awed by everything he did. She could be amazed by any little thing Brendon told her.<p>

"_I wrote a song today_," he would tell her.

"_Brenny, that's amazing! I bet it's wonderful! I think all your songs are wonderful!_" she'd coo back at him.

She was just another fan. Not like Ryan. Ryan couldn't give two shits if Brendon ever picked up his guitar again. Ryan liked him for who he was, and Brendon just threw all of it away for some fan.

He grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled fiercely. He grunted and kicked the tub again. He cursed louder and bent over to massage his throbbing toe through his sock. He had done what Spencer had told him to. He chose. Sarah was history. Though, she hadn't taken it lightly.

"_But Brenny? __What do you mean I can't come to the concert?" she asked, reaching out to him._

"_I mean you can't come to the concert. We can't keep doing this." He brushed her hand away. "I don't even like you," Brendon said, not even trying to spare her feelings._

"_I don't understand," she said, her eyes gleaming. "You tell me you love me almost every day." Her eyes started to brim with tears._

"_Yeah, well I lied," said Brendon, ignoring her tears. "Now just get back on that plane and go home."_

"_You love me, I know you do!" Sarah screamed at him as he backed away._

"_No, I don't. I love someone else," he answered back smiling._

"_Who is it? Who's the whore?" she demanded, stepping closer to Brendon._

"_Good bye, Sarah," Brendon said with a grin and a wave of his hand before turning to walk out of the terminal._

"_I'll find out who it is!" she screamed after him. "If I can't have you, no one can!"_

Brendon shuddered at the thought of her last words. The last thing he needed was a crazed ex-girlfriend stalking him. He sighed loudly and turned around to replace his hulk toothbrush back in the medicine cabinet and snapped it shut. It rattled quietly from the motion of the road. He stared at his reflection. His hair was tossed about from sleeping. He ran his fingers through it, hoping it would calm it a bit. He puffed out a breath and gave up on it. It'd fix itself later.

Brendon jumped and cursed once more, though much more audible this time, when the door rattled on it's hinges from someone pounding on it. He threw it open, completely ready to yell a string of curses at whoever it was. He was thrown back against the small bathroom window, nearly missing falling into the toilet. His lips were ravaged by Ryan's. Brendon moaned from under Ryan, wrapping his arms around him.

"I'm sorry, Bren," Ryan breathed once they parted for air.

Confusion pinched Brendon's brow as Ryan's lips clamped over Brendon's mouth for another rough kiss. "No, Ry," he said, pulling away. "I'm the one who should be sorry." He pecked Ryan's cheek gently. "I'll never hurt you again." He brought Ryan in for a tight embrace, determined to never let go.

* * *

><p><strong>Leave me pretty reviews :) ~Ember<strong>


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two

"Ryan?" Brendon said, prodding Ryan's forehead with his finger. "Are you a dragon?" he asked desperately.

"What? Bren, no. I'm not a dragon,"Ryan sighed out. "Now go back to bed."

"I am in bed," he replied, leaning in closer to Ryan.

"Your _own_ bed. Go to _sleep_," Ryan whined into the darkness, stretching out his last word. He rolled over with his back toward Brendon and tried to pull the covers over his head, but unable to with Brendon on top of them, weighing them down.

"But then who will protect me from the dragons?" Brendon asked, raking his fingers though Ryan's hair.

"I _am_ the dragon, remember?" Ryan said after rolling over to face Brendon again. He was getting a little annoyed.

"All I see is just my sexy Ryan," Brendon said. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Ryan's neck.

"How can you see anything? It's too dark," Ryan said. He wrapped one of his arms around Brendon, starting to give in.

"Well, you feel like my sexy Ryan," Brendon said, running his hand down Ryan's cheek, to his neck, then down to his chest to rest upon his abdomen. "And you smell like my sexy Ryan," Brendon said, inhaling the scent of Ryan's lavender shampoo. "I bet you even taste like my sexy Ryan," Brendon said, smiling before pressing their lips together in a tired kiss. "Ew. I don't remember my sexy Ryan having such horrid morning breath," Brendon said, retreating from the kiss.

"Shut up, and go back to sleep," Ryan said, shoving Brendon's chest playfully.

"I will right after we have ice cream," Brendon said, trying to pull Ryan out the bed by his hand.

"But it's three in the morning!" Ryan protested, determined to get as much sleep in as possible.

"Yes, but to prove that you truly aren't of dragon descent, you must eat ice cream! It's the ultimate test!" Brendon whined.

"That makes no sense, but now I really want ice cream," Ryan said laughing softly before allowing himself to be dragged out of bed. Brendon lead Ryan to the table and he busied himself with retrieving the ice cream from the tiny yellow freezer. Ryan propped himself up on his palm with his elbow resting on the table. His eyes began to slip closed. Brendon slammed down the carton and clanged the two spoons together, waking Ryan from his trance. He shook his head awake and took one of the spoons.

"You took the big spoon! I wanted the big spoon! Let's trade," Brendon said, holding out his smaller spoon.

"Maybe, sometimes I wanna be the big spoon," Ryan said, spooning a chunk of chocolate ice cream out the carton and popping it into his mouth.

"You can't handle the responsibility," Brendon said, going on to eat the with the smaller spoon instead. "Besides, you move too much."

"I never know what to do with my other hand!" Ryan said, grinning. "Do I just leave it at my side? Do I lay on it? If I do that, it'll fall asleep in three seconds. What are you supposed to do with it?" Ryan asked, laughing at the subject they had chosen.

"You _use_ it," Brendon said with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Ryan scoffed and directed his attention back to the carton.

"Don't move," Brendon said slowly as he dropped his spoon back into the carton.

"What?" Ryan asked. "Is there a bug on me? Brendon, get it _off_!" Ryan whined. He wiggled in his seat and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Just stay still," Brendon advised before leaning in to run his tongue just below Ryan's lower lip, lapping at the remains of ice cream. "There. Got it," Brendon finished with a smirk.

"Do you have to sexually harass _every_ time we have ice cream?" Ryan asked, his face flushed.

"Sexually harass you? How dare you!" Brendon gasped. "If I wanted to harass you, I'd do this," Brendon blurted out before pulling Ryan in by the back of his neck into a rough kiss. Ryan parted his lips slightly. Brendon seized the opportunity and dove inside, caressing Ryan's tongue playfully, and taking in the taste of Ryan and chocolate ice cream. The two reluctantly parted when their deprived lungs screamed for oxygen. Ryan was panting, his face flushed as ever. "How's _that_ for sexual harassment?" Brendon asked, lifting Ryan's chin to place a quick kiss on Ryan's lips before getting up to fall into the couch.

Ryan set his spoon down on the table and turned to face Brendon. He had flipped on the television and was now completely absorbed in Spongebob. Ryan shifted in his seat. "Did you ever do that with Sarah?" he asked, hating his curiosity.

"You mean have ice cream? Yeah we did once," Brendon said casually with a shrug.

Ryan's heart fell. It was stupid of him to think that Brendon would only eat ice cream with him. But he couldn't help but to feel betrayed; as if he had let her in on one of their secrets.

"She doesn't like it though," Brendon continued. "She says it's too much sugar. As if there's such a thing," Brendon scoffed.

"You didn't eat it like _that_, did you?" Ryan asked hesitantly, cursing his curiosity and went to sit down next to Brendon.

Brendon turned to Ryan and smiled. "Don't worry. You're the only one I sexually harass," he said before leaning in to crash their lips together. Ryan kissed back with gusto. He pushed Brendon back slightly, making him lie down beneath him.

"I missed you," he said, pulling away teasingly and met Brendon's brown eyes.

"I missed you too, Ry," Brendon replied. He let his fingers pass through Ryan's hair and play across the collar of his shirt before covering Ryan's mouth roughly with his.

* * *

><p><strong>So sorry there wasn't an update last week! I was half way across the country! DX super tired, but I'm back with a lovely serving of fluff! Leave me some pretty reviews! ~Ember<strong>


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty Three

"Ryan I have to go," Brendon said as they parted and he walked toward the door.

"No, you don't!," Ryan said pleadingly as he ran in front of him and closed the space between them to reattach their lips.

"You're the one who bugged me to go get another movie," he said, turning them and backing towards the door. He pressed his lips back against Ryan's, kissing him again. "Besides, I have to turn this one back in. We've already got a ton of late fees on our account," he said, waving the movie box in Ryan's face.

"So they won't notice if we're late on another one!" Ryan beamed before wrapping his arms around Brendon's neck, placing kisses along his jaw.

"I really don't want to get hunted down by Blockbuster," Brendon chuckled and pecked Ryan's cheek. "I have to go."

"Fine," Ryan said before cupping Brendon's face and kissing him tenderly. He waited until the door clicked shut and Brendon's face was gone. "I love you!" he shouted at the closed door. Ryan's breath hitched in his throat as soon as the words had escaped his lips. His hand shot up and covered his mouth. After a few seconds of silence, Ryan finally exhaled, accepting that Brendon didn't hear him.

"What did you just say?" Brendon asked as he cracked the door and popped his head inside, his face bearing a shit-eating grin. He opened the door fully and stepped back inside.

"Nothing!" Ryan replied quickly, denying the confession and his face flushing red.

Brendon dropped the movie and slammed into Ryan, embracing him tightly. "You know you're making it harder for me to leave," Brendon mumbled into Ryan's hair.

"I know." Ryan smiled into Brendon's shoulder.

"It's just the video store!" Brendon chuckled. "Five minutes," Brendon said, placing a kiss on Ryan's head before parting them once again. "I'll be back soon." Ryan followed him to the door and watched him pick the movie up from the floor. He pulled him in for one last kiss before he disappeared behind the door again.

Ryan smiled at the door. His lips ached for another kiss. It's now been exactly two months since he had moved in with Brendon, and despite the bets placed by his fellow band mates, he hasn't gotten sick of Brendon yet. Ryan smiled to himself. He was living with his _boyfriend_. He felt his face flush and let out a breathy laugh before running his hand through his fluffy brown locks and turned, gazing into the apartment he and his _boyfriend_ shared. The apartment was small, but it didn't bother them much since anything was bigger than the bus they had all grown accustomed to. Clothes littered the floor leading to the bedroom. Dirty dishes filled the sink. Cushions were thrown carelessly about the couch.

A grin broke out of Ryan's face. He's never be happier with anyone else. He picked up a laundry basket and started collecting the clothes scattered about the flat. Once he had gathered enough for a load, Ryan slid on Brendon's shoes by the door to go downstairs to the laundry room. Ryan bit back a gasp when he opened the door.

"Oh, um, hi?" a dark haired woman said as she lowered the hand she was just about to knock with. "Is Brendon here?" she asked, sliding off her sunglasses.

"He just left, what do you want?" Ryan asked, readjusting the basket of clothes on his hip.

Her eyes widened. "Ryan, right?" she asked, recognizing him. "It's Sarah!" she gestured to herself and tossed a long dark lock out of her eyes. "We met almost a year ago backstage."

"So what do you want?" Ryan asked with an impatient head shake and a squint of his eyes.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to barge in like this, but I think I left my jacket here from when I stayed over last weekend," she said in her sing-song voice gesturing inside.

Ryan tensed. He left to get the last of his things last weekend, leaving Brendon alone. "Oh," Ryan retorted plainly. "Could you get it and leave, then? I have to go do laundry," Ryan said, looking only at the basket he was balancing on his hip.

"Thanks, I think it's under the couch. It'll just take a second," she said, smiling as she brushed past Ryan into the living room. Ryan watched her kneel down on the newly cleared floor and reach under the angular couch to retrieve a dark leather jacket. "Tell Bren hi for me?" she said as she stepped back into the hall, dusting off her jacket before slipping it on over her pink sequined tank.

"Yeah, I'll do that," Ryan said, scowling into the dirty laundry and slammed the door.

He threw down the basket and crossed the room to throw himself down onto the couch. How could he not notice the woman's jacket underneath his own couch? How did it even get under the couch? How could he have actually believed Brendon all those months ago when he said Sarah was gone. It hurt now even more than it would've back then. She had come into their home. _Their_ home. How could Brendon let her in here? Ryan scowled into the couch and rammed his fist into the cushion, imagining it was Brendon's face.

Brendon had been lying to Ryan for over half a year about Sarah. The worst part was that Ryan hadn't even suspected a thing. Angry tears sprang into Ryan's eyes. He hated that Brendon was always the reason why he cried. He sniffed loudly and curled himself into a ball, holding onto the cushion for dear life for what seemed like hours. He wished he could just forget Brendon had ever existed. He dreaded the moment Brendon would come through that door so casually like nothing had ever happened, like he had no idea Sarah's jacket wound up under the couch, like he wasn't a lying, cheating, bag of steaming scum.

Ryan grunted and flipped over to face the television. He reached over and grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned on the tube. He surfed through the channels, urgently searching for anything that could take his mind off Brendon. He cursed as he skipped passed Spongebob and let it rest on the nature channel. They were showing a special on lions. He watched as the mighty lion pounced on the unsuspecting antelope and sunk its teeth in to the animals side. Blood coated the cat's teeth and the antelope stumbled to the ground, not yet dead. Ryan watched as the lion ripped his teeth through the smaller animal's throat, tearing at the tissue. The antelope's eyes faded to dullness. He couldn't help but to feel exactly like the poor antelope.

"Honey, I'm home!" Brendon announced as he entered the apartment. He threw the movies onto the kitchen counter and bounded over to the couch. "I missed you," Brendon said quietly as he leaned over the back of couch. Ryan lay still, allowing Brendon's lips to brush the top of his head.

"Sarah says hi," Ryan mumbled into the couch.

"What? I can't hear you with a face full of couch," Brendon said playfully before rolling over the back of the couch and landing on top of Ryan.

Ryan's hopeless pity party of one and soon dispersed, launching him into a new fit of anger. He took advantage of the newly formed Hulk rage and threw Brendon off of him, sending him rolling off onto the floor in front of the couch, pushing the coffee table back.

"I said, 'Sarah says hi'!" Ryan screamed as he got up from the couch, emphasizing his quote.

"What are you even talking about?" Brendon said from the floor, his tone confused and hurt.

"The little bitch was here, Brendon, that's what I'm talking about! I know she was! She told me, so don't even try to fucking lie!" Ryan yelled, his face reddened and tears filling his eyes.

"She was here for three seconds," claimed Brendon, his brain and voice finally working together. "I meant to tell you, Ry. Really, I did, I just-"

"-forgot?" Ryan snapped. "You just _conveniently_ forgot to tell me that your ex was in our house the day I'm out of the way? Huh, sweetie?" Ryan let sarcasm take over his voice and stomped past Brendon to the bedroom.

"No! It's not like that! Why won't you listen to me?" Brendon pleaded and followed Ryan into the bedroom.

"Her fucking jacket was under the couch, Bren," Ryan said quieter as he grabbed his duffle bag from the closet. He threw it on the bed and faced Brendon. Their eyes met: brown on brown.

"Ryan," Brendon crossed the room and lessened the space between them. "Trust me." He cupped Ryan's face in his hands and pressed his lips to against Ryan's.

Ryan's eyes fluttered closed and his legs turned to water. A pained expression took over Ryan's face. He can't be swept away like this. Not after this. This was it; the last straw. He wasn't going to let himself be sweet talked by Brendon's loving words just to have all this happen again. '_Isn't it a sign that it's over between two people the moment one thinks "I'm tired of all this"?'_ He thought to himself.

Finally snapping out of it and regaining control of his limbs, Ryan swung his arm and smashed his fist against the side of Brendon's head. Brendon sputtered and was sent sideways into the dresser. "I did trust you, Bren," Ryan spoke quietly, his eyes filled with fury. "Then you fucked that cunt," he spat.

"No! Ryan, I swear I didn't!" Brendon said loudly in defense. His eyes grew wide. "She was only here for a few minutes."

"Why was she here?" Ryan asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

Brendon stared at the floor between them, his expression guilty. "She wanted to get back together."

"Fuck you," Ryan retorted before snagging clothes from the closet and shoving them into the duffle bag, tossing hangers around the room.

"No! Ryan, I told her I was with you!"

"Oh, I'm sure you did," Ryan scoffed. "What the fuck happened to 'I'll never hurt you again'?" Ryan said pausing to quote Brendon.

"I know, but nothing happened! You're overreacting!" Brendon screamed, reaching up to pull massive fistfuls of hair.

Ryan scoffed out a laugh and shoved his packed bag at Brendon before crossing the room into the bathroom.

"Ryan, stop," Brendon said, stopping in the door way of the bathroom, Ryan's bag in his arms. "Please."

Ryan ignored him and grabbed his toothbrush from its stand. He threw it in the open bag in Brendon's hands and zipped it closed. "I'll be at Jon's," Ryan said before pulling the bag from Brendon, throwing the strap over his shoulder and walking into the living room.

"Ryan, wait! Please!" Brendon yelled after Ryan and chased after him. He took hold of Ryan's hand and slowed him to a stop. "I love you, stupid!" He hooked his hand on the back of Ryan's neck and brought him in for a kiss.

Ryan quickly shoved him off. "Fuck you, Urie." He turned and threw open the door and stormed out into the hall.

Brendon bit his lip and placed his hands on his hips. He shuffled a bit on his feet before running out into the hall after Ryan. He barely saw a sliver of him as the elevator closed. Brendon grunted. Why did they have to live on the twelfth floor? He flung open the door to the stairs and flew down, taking three at a time, almost falling flat on his face several times. His chest heaved and sweat began to ooze from every pore on his body by the time he was at the fourth floor. His throat was on fire, and he could no longer feel his calves. He wished he was in better shape.

"Ryan!" he screamed, flying into the lobby, not caring about the others in the room. He was sweating profusely, his hair looked windblown, and his knees felt like gelatin. His eyes bounced around the lobby as he turned in a circle. Ryan was nowhere to be found. His legs sulked to the bench next to the elevator and he collapsed. He hunched over, balancing his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands.

_Ryan was gone._

* * *

><p><em><em>**Ok, this chapter was especially hard to write. It hurts even posting it! Only three chapters left, my friends! Tubs of ice cream for everyone! ~Ember**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

After for what seemed like hours of sitting on that god forsaken bench and snapping his head up every time the elevator opened, Brendon got back into the elevator to go up to his floor. He thumbed the button and let the elevator lift him up, hoping it would somehow lift his crumbling heart. The whimsical elevator tunes mocked him, every hearty blip and happy ping rang through him, rattling his emptying bones. He stepped out at his floor with leaden feet and sulked into the living room, just realizing he had left the door wide open. He closed the door softly behind him and sauntered to the kitchen table and collapsed onto one of the unpadded wooden chairs that had came with the apartment along with the rickety dining table.

"Hi, Brenny," a woman's voice sounded from the kitchen. "You really shouldn't leave your door open like that. You could get robbed," she finished with a soft giggle and a tilt of her head and a pleased grin.

If Brendon wasn't so exhausted and numb, he would've gotten up and threw the bitch out the window while laughing maniacally over his glorious, but instead, he just glared at her from behind the table. "What do you want?" his words unintentionally weak.

"That's funny," she giggled. "Ryan said the same thing when I came by. Sweet boy," she said shrugging. Her face suddenly hardened. "So that's who you've been boning. I was expecting some blonde, big boobed, bimbo."

Brendon tensed. His mind wandered through the steps in order to get rid of a dead body.

"Oh, don't worry," she said, waving her hand dismissively and turning to get a bottle of scotch from the cabinet from above the stove. She uncorked it with a small pop. "You have me now." She beamed and took a swig from the bottle.

"You put your jacket under the couch, didn't you?" Brendon asked, his eyes filled with fire.

"_So_ smart!" she said beaming. "I figured you would be _much_ happier with me, but you didn't seem to understand that. I needed a plan to get that faggot out of here and what's better than the typical 'My boyfriend fucked his ex!' story. He _did_ believe me over you, after all. He didn't seem to trust you much."

"_Shut up_," Brendon hissed and sat up straight, his strength starting to come back.

"Oh, sorry. Which do you prefer to be called? Fags? Fairies? Queens, perhaps?" she offered, taking another hefty swallow from the bottle.

"Get _out_, Sarah," Brendon said. He stood from the table and strode into the kitchen, towering over her.

"_Butt pirates_!" she exclaimed. "I rather like that one," she said giggling.

"I should have never even let you in the door last time," Brendon said snatching the bottle out Sarah's hand and retreated to the couch.

"Oh, don't be such a grumpy face," she said and followed him to the sofa. Brendon ignored her and flipped the TV to Spongebob. He put the bottle to his lips and took several sips. He winced as the amber liquid seared his throat. He jumped when his phone started to buzz and ring in his pocket. He pulled the plastic rectangle out of his pocket and dropped the bottle of alcohol to the floor when he saw the name: Ryan.

"Ryan!" Brendon screamed into the phone.

"Hi, Bren," Jon's voice erupted from the speaker.

"Jon? Is Ryan with you? How is he? Is he OK?" Brendon questioned.

"Yeah, he's here, but he's anything but OK," Jon said from the other side.

"I know. I fucked up, Jon, but believe me, it's not what he thinks!" Brendon pleaded into the phone.

"Yeah, Jon! He didn't fuck me a single time! Didn't even get to third base!" Sarah yelled from beside Brendon.

"Is she there now? God, Bren. What's wrong with you?"

"No!" Brendon said, hopping up from the couch and smashing the phone to his ear, hoping to hear Ryan's voice in the background. "It's _really_ not what you think!"

"I'll be over later tomorrow to grab the rest of Ryan's stuff. He'll be living with me from now on," Jon said, crushing Brendon's heart. "I think we all know what this means for the band. Tell Spence I'm sorry, but I'm with Ryan on this. See ya, Bren" Jon said.

"No, Jon! Wait!" Brendon shouted into the phone, but it was too late. A loud click interrupted his shouts. He ripped the phone from his ear and threw it across the room having it split in three pieces against the wall. He shoved his hand to his head and ran it through his hair.

"Brendon, are you alright?" Sarah sounded from the couch, finally showing some form of conscience.

"Just get out," Brendon said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Brendon-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" Brendon screamed throwing his pointed hand to the door.

"Alright, I'm gone," Sarah agreed, gathering the pink sequined shoes she had taken off. She paused in the doorway. "If I can't have you, no one can," she said before slamming the door and running out into the elevator.

Brendon screamed and upended the coffee table, throwing magazines and an empty cereal bowl across the room, several of which smashed to bits when launched at the door. He reached down and grabbed the bottle of scotch he had dropped moments ago: it was still three quarters full. He dropped onto the couch and titled the bottle to his lips and took a swallow. His eyes distant and unseeing roamed the television set. He drank until the energetic sponge became a yellowed blob. He drank until the problems in his head grew numb and unimportant. He drank until the walls themselves melted away. He lifted the bottle to his lips one last time and drained it. His head was numb along with his body, but his heart still hurt. He ambled into the kitchen, careful not to trip over the discarded coffee table. He reached over the counter and took the landline from it's charger. He squinted and mashed in the number.

"Hello?" Spencer's voice sounded from the other side.

"Could you come over?" Brendon asked, his speech obviously slurred. "I really need to talk to someone who'll believe me."

"Yeah, I'll be right over," Spencer said, realizing something was wrong.

"Thanks, Santa. I mean Splinter. I mean," Brendon sighed into the phone. "Yeah, thanks."

* * *

><p><strong>Two chapters left! *sniff sniff* I feel like I'm watching my baby grow up! I'll miss this story! Update coming soon! ~Ember<strong>


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five

Brendon was sitting on the couch, his legs draped over the back of it and his head hanging off the bottom, his his fluffy brown locks sweeping the floor as he swayed his head to a fro to a beat that didn't exist. Spencer was sitting on top of the newly repaired coffee table, tapping his nails against the thin wood, drumming to a song that wasn't there.

"Anything?" Brendon asked, tilting his head up towards Spencer.

"Absolutely nothing," he replied before exhaling dramatically.

"This sucks!" Brendon exclaimed. "I haven't even been able to write my name since Ryan left!"

"And Jon," Spencer added somberly.

"Right," Brendon said quietly. "And Jon." His attention was drawn to the ceiling once more. "Well, we have to Taco Song," Brendon said after a long stretch of silence.

"No way in hell are we using the Taco Song," Spencer stated.

"It's a perfectly good song! We just have to replace some of the words like..." Brendon trailed off in thought.

"Replace which words?" Spencer asked? "Taco with..." Brendon spaced out again. "With?" Spencer asked, starting to get annoyed.

"Burrito?" Brendon offered before bursted into giggles. He drew his knees up to his chest, causing him to flip clumsily onto the floor.

"Genius, Bren," Spencer said after giving in to a smile.

"Well, I don't see you writing any big hits!" Brendon exclaimed.

"That's because, according to you, a monkey that just took three hits of speed could do better than me," Spencer said throwing his hands around Brendon.

"Right now, I'd rather the monkey," Brendon said, crossing his arms and turning his nose up at Spencer.

"So let's call Ry," Spencer said casually.

"Excuse me?" Brendon said, relieved he wasn't drinking anything at that time or else he'd have spat it out all over the floor. He lifted his eyebrows, crinkling his forehead, hoping, no, _praying_ he had heard Spencer wrong.

"You said you couldn't write without him, and it would explain our epic failure with this album, so just suck it up and give him a call."

"It's not that easy. He hates me now. Completely and utterly hates me," Brendon said, suddenly fascinated with his fingernails.

"Even if he says no, it wouldn't hurt to just call."

"Fine. But I'm not calling. And if it ends up with Ryan storming out and me with a bloody nose, don't blame me!" Brendon interjected while getting up to fetch a soda from the fridge.

Spencer smirked to himself before retrieving his phone from his pocket.

"Spence?" Ryan answered after the fourth ring, his tone surprised as if he were expecting to be on the receiving end of a joke.

"Yeah, hi, Ry," Spencer grinned into the words. "What are you up to?"

"Well, um, nothing, I guess," Ryan said, his tone reluctant and distracted. "Why?"

"I was just wondering if you could come over," Spencer spoke into the phone. "Just for a bit," he added. "I'm trying to write a few songs for Panic's new album, and you know how bad I suck as this, so, uh, could you maybe come help me?"

"Um, sure, I guess so," Ryan agreed, reluctance still laced his words. "It's just weird that we haven't really spoken in months and I'm the first person you call."

"Yeah, _super_ weird," Spencer said, adding a nervous laugh.

"I'll be over at your place in a half hour," Ryan replied.

"Actually, I'm at Brendon's right now," Spencer said, forcing another small laugh.

There was a silence. "Oh," was all that was said. Ryan's reply was quick an emotionless. Completely unreadable.

"Yeah, but, it's OK! I'll, um-"

"Is he there?" Ryan asked, interrupting Spencer.

"Well," Spencer paused. "Yeah, but I'll be here too!"

"Spence, I'm not sure about this," Ryan's vacant voice sounded from the speaker.

"I know, I know, but we don't have a single song written, and we've been trying for months. He said he can't write without you," Spencer confided in Ryan. "And it's true! The only thing he's written is some song he calls 'The Taco Song' and let me tell you, it's just horrible. Even for a taco," Spencer laughed and looked up to make sure he was out of earshot with Brendon. Brendon was lying on the counter playing with the kitchen sink, turning the faucet on and off. He looked up at Spencer who answered him with a thumbs up in reassurance.

"I just..." Ryan trailed off.

"It'll be OK. I promise," Spencer said, hoping he wasn't lying. "I'll be right here with you guys. And you can leave whenever you want, I won't force you to stay." Silence took over the phone line. "You still there?" Spencer said, executing the silence.

"Yeah, I'm still..."Ryan interrupted himself. "How is he? Brendon, I mean." His voice finally forming a body.

"Oh, he's, uh," Spencer trailed off to have another look at Brendon. "He has his head in the sink."

"No, I mean , is he still..." Ryan said, leaving another sentence unfinished.

"Honestly, Ry, he's a mess. He can't even sleep well at night without the thought of you in his mind. He tries not to talk about you much, but I can see it in his eyes. He lights up like crazy whenever I mention anything remotely related to you. You're always in his head." Spencer looked to Brendon again and gave him a small wave.

"You think so?" His voice wavering between concern, doubt, and hope.

"I know so, Ry."

"I guess it won't hurt to be in the same building as him just for an hour or two. I'll be over soon," Ryan finally answered and clicked off.

"OK, put on your good socks; Ryan's coming over!" Spencer yelled from the living room.

"You mean it?" Brendon yelled, almost falling off the counter. "When's he coming? How's my hair? Should I vacuum?" Brendon said all in one breath. He sat up on the counter and ran his hands roughly through his hair.

"He'll be here in about half an hour, and your hair is atrocious." Spencer replied.

"What do I do? This place is a mess!" Brendon said, jumping off the counter. He started buzzing around the apartment filling his arms with empty cereal bowls and dirty laundry and dumping it all in the kitchen sink.

"The place is fine," Spencer assured him, plucking a sodden sock from atop of the newly formed pile. "Besides, imagine how weirded out he'd be if he saw you living in a clean house."

"So it's too clean?" Brendon asked, his words laced with desperation. His hands flew back into his hair, clutching fistfuls of hair.

"Bren," Spencer placed his hands on each on of Brendon's shoulders. "Calm the fuck down," he said with a confident smile.

"That's easy for you to say," Brendon pouted before having a seat on the coffee table. "He doesn't hate _you_."

"He _doesn't_ hate you," Spencer said, worried he may have just lied. "He's probably over the whole thing by now!" He sat next to Brendon and threw his arm around his shoulders.

"No," Brendon pouted. "He's not."

"Yeah, probably not," Spencer agreed with him.

* * *

><p><strong>Late update D: And only one chapter to go! *sniffle* Be strong! *sob* Don't cry! ...Time to curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days. ~Ember<strong>


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty Six

"It's been thirty two minutes!" Brendon whined and flopped himself back on the couch. "He's not coming! I _told_you he hates me!"

"Quit wailing," Spencer said. "He'll be here in a minute, cool your shit."

"Here how things are going to go," Brendon said. "He's going to come in, rip my face off, leave, then run over my face with a pickup truck."

"That's what we agreed on," Spencer said teasingly.

"Not funny, Spence!" Brendon called over his shoulder and he made his way to the kitchen. Brendon jumped almost a foot in the air when he heard a knock at the door. He turned around and ran toward Spencer. "He's here!" he whispered in Spencer's ear and clutched his arm painfully. "Answer it!" he whispered harshly as his fingernails began to dig further into Spencer's arm.

"Why don't you answer it?" Spencer asked Brendon, shrugging him off and rubbing the reddened half moon nail indentions etched into his skin. "Kidding," Spencer said, smiling. "I'll get it."

Brendon bounced on the balls of his feet, not sure what to do with his hands or how he should be standing. Then, he rushed over to the couch, trying out several quick attempts to appear cavalier, unsure how to sit. At a last resort, he bolted into the bedroom just as Spencer opened the door.

"Hey, Ry!" Spencer greeted Ryan and pulled him in for a hug.

"What was that?" Ryan asked Spencer, referring to the blur running into the bedroom.

"Just Brendon. He thinks you're gonna run over his face," Spencer said casually, closing the door behind Ryan. "Brendon, come out here! He's not gonna run over your face!" he yelled into the bedroom.

"We'll just have see how the day plays out," Ryan said with a smile.

Brendon raked his fingers over his hair, attempting to make it flat and not like an animal has been living in it for the past three weeks. He blew a breath in his hand and sniffed: not completely repulsive. He straightened his clothes and stepped into the living room. He saw Ryan's smile fall. His gut did a back flip.

"Look, there's the couch!" Spencer said, noticing the awkwardness starting to fill the air. "We started writing but they all, erm..." he trailed off, gesturing to the crumpled pieces of paper surrounding the couch and coffee table.

"So," Brendon said, clapping his hands together and stepping further into the room. "Let's get to it." He flicked off a balled page and took a seat on the coffee table.

"Right," Ryan said quietly. He sat down on the couch, determined to sit the farthest away from Brendon while still being on the couch.

"Catch," Spencer said before tossing a soda to Ryan and sitting down on the couch, opposite Ryan. Ryan caught the can and set it down on the coffee table next to Brendon's foot. Spencer cracked open his can and slurped out a mouthful.

"Welp!" Brendon said, slapping his hands on his knees. "This is awkward!" He beamed at Ryan, earning a small smile from him. Ryan grabbed his soda from the table and popped it open. The carbonated beverage exploded, sending a jet of caramel colored fizz upward, coming down and splashing onto Ryan. The soda fountained, coating his pants and jacket and splashing onto his scarf.

"I'll go get some towels," Spencer said before running into the bedroom.

"You need a shirt, or something?" Brendon asked, trying not to laugh.

"No, it's fine. It only got on..." Ryan looked down, "everything," he finished with a small laugh. He peeled off his jacket and twisted the scarf from around his neck.

"Here, give me those," Brendon said, holding his hands out to take the sopping clothing.

"No, It's fine. I'll just," Ryan looked around for a place to put them, "hold them, I guess."

Brendon rolled his eyes and took the jacket and scarf. He dug around under the kitchen sink and pulled out a plastic shopping bag. He tossed in the messy clothes and tied it shut with a knot. He grabbed a roll of paper towels before heading back to the couch. "There," Brendon said holding the bag out to Ryan. He ripped off a few squares of the towels and offered them, too, to Ryan. He ripped off a few more to sop up the puddle of liquid from the floor.

"What happened to the coffee table?" Ryan asked, patting his jeans with the paper towels. The table was titled slightly from the umbrella duct taped to form a makeshift table leg.

Brendon laughed. "Not sure," he answered, smiling up at Ryan. Ryan bit his lip and joined Brendon on the floor to help clean up the puddle.

"It's weird being back here," Ryan said looking around. Nostalgia washed over him as his eyes bounced over the apartment. Memories of their relationship rushed back. All the horrible meals they had eaten at the kitchen table after Ryan had tried to cook. The late movie nights they had snuggled up in each other's arms on the couch. The end table Ryan would always bump into on their way to the bedroom. He couldn't even bear to think about the things they did in the bedroom. And the kitchen counters. The coffee table. The couch. And almost every inch of floor in the living room. _Nowhere was safe_. Ryan shook his head and snapped up to walk to the trash can to throw the soaking towels away. Brendon soon joined him at the trash can.

"I got a new microwave," Brendon said gesturing to the small silver appliance.

"Did you break the last one?" Ryan asked, allowing a small smile to play across his lips.

"No!" Brendon interjected. "It just didn't work very well after I kept putting forks in it."

"So you broke it," Ryan laughed out.

"They should include that in the manual," Brendon said, shoving his hands in his pockets and grinning at Ryan.

"I'm pretty sure they do," Ryan said, laughing a bit harder now.

"They should write it in bigger letters," Brendon said, laughing along with Ryan.

Ryan couldn't help but reminisce. He had missed the laughs he and Brendon shared. Their inside jokes. He missed just being around Brendon in general. Suddenly embarrassed by his memories, he turned his smile to the ground, hoping he wasn't blushing as much as he felt he was. "Wasn't the last one a house warming gift from the landlord?"

"Oh, yeah. He won''t be too happy about that."

"You got a new phone too?" Ryan asked, pointing to the tiny red cell sitting on the counter.

Brendon laughed. "That's the third one in two years. The phone company wasn't very happy with me either."

"I think I maybe might have flushed the first out of the three," Ryan said, smirking.

"Yeah, Spencer told me," said Brendon, directing his smile to the floor and rubbing the back of his neck. More awkward silence took over. Where the hell was Spencer? Brendon cleared his throat, back to business, he supposed. "We haven't written much but you can have a look if you'd like," Brendon said, gesturing back to the couch and scattered papers.

"Yeah, sure," Ryan said, nodding.

"I wrote one almost all the way through," Brendon said, searching for the paper ball as they took opposite sides of the couch. They each sat cross legged, facing each other with their backs resting on the generously padded arms of the couch. "You wanna hear 'The Taco Song'?" he beamed at Ryan.

"Oh, um," Ryan hesitated, remembering what Spencer had said about the song. "Not really." Ryan laughed.

"Did Spencer tell you about it?" Brendon asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

"Um, yeah," Ryan said, finishing with a giggle. He turned his gaze to the floor and seized a random paper wad. "Bren?"

"Yeah?" Brendon snapped his head upward to look at Ryan, hoping he would bring up the night he left so he could explain everything.

"This one just has a picture of a giraffe." Ryan held out the picture in the space between them.

"His name is Spiffy," Brendon said smiling. He scooted closer to Ryan, almost fully closing the distance between them. He took hold of the paper and held it above Ryan's lap, allowing him to crane his neck next to have the same view as Ryan. "It took me almost twenty minutes to get the spots right." He pointed to each one of the spots.

"Why's he so sad?" Ryan asked, touching his finger to the giraffes frown.

"Because his best friend, Gary the antelope, left without saying good bye," Brendon said quietly, the smile quickly fading from his lips.

Ryan closed his eyes. "Brendon, I-"

"Are you hungry?" Brendon asked, jumping to his feet and running towards the kitchen. He wanted to explain. He wanted to apologize. But he didn't want Ryan to leave. Not yet. Not _ever_. Brendon had missed him terribly. He wanted to hold on to him for as long as he could. Brendon buried his head in the fridge. "Ooh! Hot Cheetos! But who put them in the fridge?" he pondered as he recovered the open bag from the fridge. "Want one?" He held the bag out for Ryan.

"They're probably stale."

"Even better! They're _delicious_ when they're stale!" Brendon reached in and popped a couple in his mouth. "Oh. Definitely _not_delicious cold and stale." he said while chewing. He scowled and dropped the bag into the trash can. "Have you ever had a chocolate covered hot dog?" Brendon asked on the way back to the couch.

"Do those even exist?" Ryan said, eyebrows raised.

"Probably not,"Brendon stuck out his lips in a pout. "That's a shame. Sounds good."

"That sounds disgusting," Ryan said, the smile reappearing on his face.

Brendon gasped. "Quick, get a pen! I think I have something."

Ryan scrambled for a pen and scribbled on the back of Spiffy to make sure it was working. "OK, go," he stated, the pen poised over the paper, ready to scribble an entire symphony if necessary.

The words flew before Brendon. All he had to do was capture them. "Ever Since we met," he sang, staring at Ryan, "I only shoot up with your perfume; it's the only thing that makes me feel as good as you do..." He trailed off, cutting the serenade short.

Ryan cut his eyes from the page to Brendon's. The lyrics surrounded Ryan. The velvety words whirled around him, stirring suppressed emotions. It hurt, yet he didn't want Brendon to stop singing. He wanted Brendon to keep going, singing only for him. "Now we only need about a ton more lyrics," Ryan said, his eyes downward at the paper.

"Ryan!" Brendon exclaimed, gripping both of Ryan's hands in his, knocking the pen and paper to the floor. His face brightened with the smile painted across his face. "You're my muse! My _inspiration_! Promise you'll never leave me again!" His eyes stared into Ryan's.

"Bren," Ryan withdrew his stare and slid his hands from Brendon's. "Stop."

"Right. Sorry. Only joking," Brendon added before prying his eyes away from Ryan. He rubbed the back of his neck, and stole a glance of Ryan. He was staring down at the lyrics on the page that had fallen on the couch betwixt them, his cheeks tinted pink. Brendon smirked to himself. He had missed how embarrassed Ryan could get. He remembered all the things they got away with doing in public. Restaurants. Clothing stores. The gym. Ryan's face would always be the shade of ripened tomatoes.

* * *

><p>"We still need more on the chorus," Ryan said after almost an hour of collaborating. "It doesn't feel finished."<p>

"I could get out The Taco Song back out!" Brendon offered as he paced the floor behind the couch.

"No!" Ryan shouted unintentionally, throwing his hands out as if to stop an oncoming truck. "Not The Taco Song," he said, at a normal volume this time. Brendon's face fell and he continued pacing. Ryan draped his arms over the back of the couch, tapping the couch's back fabric with the blunt side of the pen. "Wait!" Ryan shouted, taking hold of Brendon's hand. "Ever since we met, I've got one regret to live through, and that one regret is you," he sang to Brendon. Ryan's cheeks flushed pink, but he held the stare.

"Listen, Ry. Let me explain everything," Brendon pleaded, squeezing Ryan's hand in his. He gave up on waiting for the perfect timing. He needed to let it out, and it was now or never.

"No, it's fine. Let's just forget it. Just pretend we never happened." Ryan withdrew his hand and turning on the couch to have his back facing Brendon. "There's nothing to say."

"There's everything to say! I can't just forget about you! About _us_. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to. Just hear me out," Brendon began. He came around to sit beside Ryan on the couch. "That day I told you backstage about Sarah being gone, that was all true. And when I told you the day you left that nothing happened when she came over, that was true too. I've never lied to you, Ry." He placed a finger under Ryan's chin and lifted it, making Ryan's eyes meet his. "I meant everything I said that night. I _do_ love you" Brendon finished. He joined their lips together softly. Their lips melded together. Memories came rushing back.

"I'm sorry, I can't," Ryan said, pulling away with a pained expression, leaving Brendon's lips with a soft smacking sound. "I won't let you play with me like this anymore."

"What are you talking about? No one is playing!" Brendon half-shouted, his words laced with hurt. "Didn't you just hear what I said?"

"I heard you," Ryan stated flatly.

"Sorry, but I don't see the problem here."

"Aren't you still dating Sarah?" Ryan asked, his eyes boring into Brendon's.

Brendon's mouth opened and closed quickly, searching for the right words to say. Brendon had learned to deal with Sarah over time. He even grew to like her. 'Like' as in being able to be within a few feet of her and not have the urge to regurgitate everything he's ever eaten. Being with her made Brendon feel somewhat normal, like he wasn't harboring deep suppressed feeling for his ex band mate. He knew she wasn't going away any time soon, anyway. Once she got over the whole stalker bitch thing, she was even sometimes somewhat semi-nice to talk to. She wouldn't exactly fill the spot as 'girlfriend' but Brendon would rather suffer through a few minutes on the phone with her fangirling over his life than to have her stalking and wrecking it.

Ryan forced another smile. "Some people never change."

"I _have_ changed! I've got a haircut! I just..." Brendon pleaded and tugged at his fluffy brown locks. "I've changed, I swear I have!"

"It's OK," Ryan shook his head and forced his lips to maintain the smile he had plastered so painfully on his face. "You don't have to explain. I want you to be happy. And if that means you being with someone else to be, then so be it," he finished with a shrug and turned his attention to the floor.

"But don't you see?" Brendon asked quietly and his thumb along Ryan's jaw line, bringing his eyes to meet Brendon's. "I'm happiest with you." He went in to set a kiss upon Ryan's lips but got his cheek as Ryan turned away.

"I'm sorry, Brendon," Ryan said. "I just really can't. Not anymore." He rose from the couch and turned to the door. Ryan cross the room swiftly, almost breaking out into a run in a desperate attempt to hide the tears that were now streaming down his cheeks. He slammed the door behind him and escaped into the elevator, mashing the button to bring him to the lobby. He recalled the last time he was running from Brendon. Nothing had changed since then. He was still a dumb boy in stupid love with an even more dumb and stupid boy. Tears rolled off his chin and fell onto his shirt. He bit back a sob and exited into the lobby.

"At least you don't have a bloody nose," Spencer said, finally appearing from inside the bedroom.

"Yeah," Brendon said, jumping off the couch and padding into the kitchen. Ryan may as well have gave him a bloody nose, in fact Brendon would have preferred it. Brendon was exhausted. He was too weak to chase him this time. He pulled himself up to sit on the counter. He stared at the door Ryan had just slammed shut. Half of him expected Ryan would burst in screaming "Just kidding!" It still hurt. It hurt just as much as the first time he'd left, if not more. Like it was an old, scabbed over wound and someone had ripped off the bandage along with the protective layer of scab and opened it again. His heart ached at the thought of him never being able told hold Ryan in his arms again.

* * *

><p><strong>There it is. It took me in all four days to write it because it was just so damn emotional for me! It's so emotionally draining to be a fangirl these days! Now I'm off to blast sad music and cry into my pillow pet for the nest week. I Could Learn to Miss You is now <em>complete<em>. ~Ember**


	27. Epilogue

Brendon and Spencer stumbled as they exited the stage, laughing loudly. Ian and Dallon followed after them.

"Great show, Bren," Ian said, clapping his hand on Brendon's shoulder. Brendon answered him with a nod, beaming him a smile.

Brendon had met Ian and Dallon a while back. Pete had introduced the two to remaining band when he grew tired of Brendon and Spencer complaining about not having a full band to tour with. The whole group had become friends right off the bat, but Brendon still wasn't comfortable with having the two on the tour with them. It wasn't that they didn't play well. It was quite the opposite. Ian could jam for hours on stage and Dallon could even keep up with Brendon's crazy stage energy. Brendon just didn't like the idea of having another guitarist touring with them, standing in the place Ryan had once stood, strumming the same chords Ryan had once strummed, singing along at the points where Brendon had so vividly imagined Ryan singing with him. He tried getting close to Ian or Dallon on stage as he did with Ryan, pulling them close to share the chorus, but it just wasn't the same. Whenever he pulled him in to sing into the same mic, Brendon squeezed his eyes shut and could only think of Ryan's blushed face on the other side of the microphone. Brendon wouldn't even dream of grabbing either the way he did Ryan.

"We'll meet you guys back in the bus," Dallon called back to Spencer and Brendon. Ian followed him out the door.

"I'm still not used to it," Spencer said when the two were alone backstage. "It's weird having those two instead of them," he said, referring to Jon and Ryan.

"Especially here," Brendon said flatly, avoiding Spencer's eyes.

"Where?" Spencer asked, looking around the room. "Houston?" he asked, their location finally dawning on him. "What's so special about Houston?"

Brendon continued to stare at the door Ian and Dallon had just exited through, imagining what it would be like if it were Jon and Ryan leaving after a hectic concert with promises to meet back on the bus, their giggles echoing in his mind.

"Bren?" Spencer voiced, bringing Brendon's nostalgic trance to an end.

"Take me to McDonald's?" Brendon asked quickly, finally withdrawing his gaze from the door.

"Now?" Spencer asked, confused with Brendon's sudden need for a Happy meal. "But it's almost midnight," he stated after a glance at his watch.

"And?" Brendon inquired, seeing absolutely no reason to still be standing in the same spot when they should be at McDonald's by now.

"Can't your Big Mac Attack wait until morning?"

"No. Can we please just go?" Brendon spat, starting to become annoyed with Spencer's hesitant tone.

"Um, sure, I guess," Spencer said, finally agreeing.

* * *

><p>The entire car ride had been in silence. Spencer attempted post concert small talk, but Brendon would have none of it. After the fifth empty grunt and eighth indifferent shrug, Spencer gave up on the one-sided conversation and continued the drive in quiet.<p>

"I'm ordering you a Happy Meal," Spencer told Brendon as they stepped into the deserted establishment, hoping it would cheer his friend up.

"Yeah, OK," Brendon said before slipping into the table he and Ryan sat at what felt like decades ago. He could hear Spencer telling their order to the annoyed, sleepy teen behind the counter. Brendon dropped his head to the cold formica table with a small clunk. He heard Spencer ask for two Batman toys in the meals. Brendon lifted his head and stared wildly at the back of Spencer's head.

_Batman toys._

It's amazing how a small, plastic action man could bring such pain to Brendon. It was like someone had sucker-punched him in the gut and had a quick stamp on his toes while he wasn't looking. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to get out of the stuffy restaurant. He slid out of the chair and dashed out the metal framed glass door into the empty parking lot. He slowed to a halt a few feet outside the door. This was too much. He shouldn't have come here. He ran his hand through his hair and looked to the left of him.

_There it was._

Brendon dropped his hand from his head and walked toward the drive-thru, not caring to check for cars. He dropped down in the middle of the warm asphalt and pulled his legs in to his chest, his arms hooped around his knees, taking the appearance of a pouting child left abandoned at home while his parents went out.

"Bren?" Spencer's voice sounded from the door. "What are you doing out here?" he called once he had spotted Brendon in the drive-thru. "Don't you want your Happy Meal?" he asked as he made his way to his band mate, gesturing inside at the forgotten food.

"Take me to the beach," Brendon said from the ground, glancing up at Spencer for a moment before turning his gaze back to the ground. "The one that's forever away," he added quietly.

"The one in Galveston? Bren, what are you talk-" he cut his thought short. He recalled the story Ryan had told him so long ago. The one that had Ryan confiding in him. The one where Ryan realized his feeling for the melancholy singer. "OK, Let's go." Spencer pulled Brendon to his feet and led him back to the car.

Brendon climbed into the car, his feet numbed, his head clouded with the memories of Ryan. Even the Jeep reminded him of Ryan. Most days, Brendon could just push Ryan to the back of his mind and go on with his life, sometimes even be happy, even just for a few moments.

He stared out the window, absorbing the skyscrapers. Little squares of light decorated their surfaces. He puffed out his cheeks and stared ahead at the road rolling under the car. Sometimes, Brendon could swear the car even smelled like Ryan, clinging on to the smell just as Brendon clung to the memories. A sudden waft of lavender would often blow through the vehicle and disappear just as quick as it had come.

Brendon sighed inwardly and flipped down the mirror above the seat to busy himself with his hair, something to distract him from his thoughts. A square of paper fluttered out, falling onto the floormat by Brendon's foot. Brendon bent over to retrieve it, careful not to tread upon it. He flipped it over and had to suppress a scream. It was a picture of Ryan and Brendon that Ryan had tucked into the mirror the last time he was in the car. Ryan was wearing Brendon's red framed glasses and Brendon was hugging him from behind wearing a huge grin. Ryan had always teased Brendon about his glasses, 'dork specs,' he had called them. Brendon slid the picture back into its place in the mirror and flipped it shut. He closed his eyes and focused on keeping his breathing steady.

* * *

><p>"We're here," Spencer sounded from the driver's seat as he pulled up next to the sea wall two hours later.<p>

Brendon's eyes shot open. He threw off his seat belt and jumped out of the car, running like a madman across the street, angering a hurried young woman in a minivan. He rushed to the stone steps and stopped to look down the length of stairs. He took each one slowly, his hand gripping the cold metal railing the whole way down, just as Ryan did what seemed like an eternity ago.

He stepped onto the sand and overlooked the white-tipped greenish waves gushing onto the shore. He turned his gaze upward and stared into the sky. It was if the city lights dimmed the sky, turning it a sickly yellow color instead of the beautiful velvety black it should be. The stars were hiding behind the clouds and city light, twinkling against the heavy haze.

"Are you alright?" Spencer called from the top of the steps, taking them down quicker than Brendon. He stepped onto the squashy sand and stood next to Brendon.

"Fine," Brendon lied before turning to climb back onto the street. He paused at the top of the concrete stairs to view the modest diner across the street where he had met Sarah.

"Hey, didn't you meet Sarah somewhere around here?" Spencer asked from behind Brendon, causing him to flinch, thinking Spencer had somehow read his mind. Brendon answered him with a nod. "So," Spencer looked around the darkened beach scene, "this is where it all started?"

"No," Brendon said, still staring straight ahead, tracing every dim detail of the diner. Memories of him and Ryan washed over him like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on him, dousing him in the emotions he had been holding back the day Ryan left. "This is where it all ended."

Spencer stood beside him at the top of the steps. He reached over and rubbed Brendon's back in an attempt of comfort. He saw Brendon flinch and squeeze his eyes closed, Spencer quickly then yanked Brendon's elbow and brought him in for a tight embrace. Spencer didn't ask Brendon to explain. He didn't ask him to calm down. He didn't even ask about the warming wet spot spreading rapidly on his shirt, soaking his shoulder.

Brendon buried his face in Spencer's shoulder and it was if someone had thrown open the gates of his mind. It all spilled out. Guilt, anger, nostalgia; it all came pouring out of his eyes and onto Spencer's shirt.

* * *

><p><strong>Ok so I found this amongst the tons of oneshots I'd written after I finished ICLTMY and decided to use it as an epilogue. Still not a happy ending and it still ends with poor Brenny Bear missing his RyRo but... Still love me? ...Didn't think so. ~Ember<strong>


End file.
